It Came From The '70s -MURDER ON FLIGHT 502 (1975)

Attention, please.This is the final boarding call for Polyester Airlines flight to the 1970s departing from Alberto Gate VO5.Get ready for thrills, chills, and another episode of It Came from the seventies.Good evening, passengers.This is your pilot, Captain Walsh speaking, and it is my pleasure to welcome you aboard Polyester Airlines Flight 1121 to the year 1975.Polyester Airline is, of course, the world's only airline that breaks the laws of physics to travel through time just so that you can watch vintage television.So thank you for choosing us.You're out of sight.Our final destination this evening is November 21st, 1975, which is, of course, tonight.Murder on Flight Flight 502 made its debut as the ABC Friday Night Movie in November 1975.It won't matter if you're a space oddity or a rhinestone cowboy, Everyone is gonna want to know where you from, you sexy thing.Just so that they can sing you a Bohemian Rhapsody.Galileo, Figaro.However, if you're planning on heading to the beach in November 1975, don't, because Jaws is still number one at the box office and you will get eaten.Instead, we recommend booking a polyester excursion flight over the cuckoo's nest on a nice sunny dog day afternoon.At this time, it is my honor to announce my co pilot for this evening.He is an absolute legend in the industry.Not only is he a former pilot himself, he is the host of the Satyr Sphere and a huge musical theater queen.But tonight, I'm his captain and he's my tenille.My co pilot for this evening is Scott the Satyr.Attention passengers.We have reached cruising altitude, so I have turned off the seatbelt sign.Feel free to kick off those Dr. Scholl's wooden exercise clogs.Pour yourself a Brandy Alexander and take a moment to do the Purina Chow, chow, chow around the cabin.Enjoy your flight.Enjoy 1975, and most of all, enjoy murder on Flight 502.Welcome aboard, co pilot Scott the Satyr.

Well, thank you.That intro was fantastic.If there was an Emmy for podcasting, you should get nominated.

What podcast?We're flying a plane right now.Thank you.

Well, I'm sorry, if there was.If there is a Emmy for piloting a plane, you should be nominated.

Thank you.Thank you.How should you have been?How should you have been?Of course, you did have to retire in disgrace after you stopped the music.

Yeah, it's true.

And you can't stop the music.Nobody can stop the music.

Nobody can.Bing Bong.

This is your captain from the future speaking.If you have no idea why.I'm talking about Scott stopping the music.

The last time Scott and I did.

A podcast together, I made him watch Can't Stop the Music, the Village People movie.It was five years ago, and this is the first time I've seen him, because that's how long it takes to repair a relationship after making somebody watch the Village Peoples Can't Stop the Music movie.Now you're up to speed.Bing bong.Back to the show.

Yeah, and you know why I.Why I quit?I was more about hearts, not diamonds.

Bing bong.Patrick from the future again.Scott just jumped to a completely different movie.We left Can't Stop the Music.Now he's talking about the time I made him watch the Fan, starring Lauren Bacall from 1981, which is another absolutely terrible movie.So I have a history of inflicting absolutely wretched films upon him, and yet he keeps coming back.Why is he here right now?Why are we still friends?I don't know.Let's keep listening and find out, shall we?

Bing bong.

Back to the show.That is a deep cut, folks.That's.That episode's not even available on Scream Queens anymore.But,.

You know, Michael Biehn.Michael Biehn just had a birthday recently, and I was telling my roommate just how hot he was back in the 80s.Like, oh, my God, he, like, made out of cream cheese.He was so pretty.

I'm sorry, back in the what?We're not talking about the 80s right now.What are you doing?Are you trying to crash the plane?

Already in the seven.In the 70s, he was even hotter.Of course, he was jail bait, I think.

But yeah, Scott, why don't you remind people who you are?This is your first time on this show.I mean, these people may not have been a scream queen's passenger before, but this is the first time flying a plane with me.

Well, my name is Scott.I used to have a podcast called the Satyrsphere where I took me and my flame, Dame Cindy.We just talk about random shit movies we watched, politics and whatnot.But I have recently moved to the lovely city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where it is dark with smoke and hot as balls.But it's.It's.I'm from California originally, so it's a big change, this whole east coast living.Oh, you East Coasters are weird.

It's funny.The nerd is like, is the Pennsylvania on the East Coast?Do we count that?Sure, I'll.I'll allow it.I'll allow it.

Anyone in here does.

Yeah, well, that's not.Yeah, nobody.

At least I'm not Philly, so it's fine.

We coastal elites don't.

I'm an ex coastal elite.

The other coastal elite.Yes.Let's fight.Let's fight some more.Okay, so passengers, fun thing here at Bali.As airlines, we may be going to the night of November 21, 1975 to talk about murder on Flight 502.But there were plenty of other things on TV that night.So even though that's what we're going to talk about, you could choose to go watch something else on your own.For instance, let's talk about what else was on TV on November 21st in 1975, please.On CBS at 8pm we had a special Dr. Seuss on the loose followed by MASH, Hawaii 5O and Barney B. Jones.Solid night.Solid night on cbs.And Barbie Jones, guest star, Charles Cipher, the sheriff from Halloween.

Oh yeah, brilliant.

On NBC.Another solid night of tv.Sanford and Son, Chico and the man, the Rockford Files and Police Story.

Oh God, I love Rockford Files.

Sexy man.Sexy smoky beef eating man.Sexy smoky beef eating dead man.Dead too soon, man.Yeah.Here over on abc, this is the only thing we just had this movie and something called Barbary coast, which I do not remember at all ran for four seasons, but it was a western that starred William Shatner, Doug McClure and Richard Keel from the Bond movies.

Ex neighbor of mine.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.Tall man.Tall, tall man.Kind.His heart was as big as his height.Kind, kind man.

Ah, that's, that's nice.That's.I'd heard that about him.

And did you know, I'm sure you're gonna bring this up.This was the 10th highest rated show of that week.

It doesn't surprise me because in November, in general, the 70s, we loved an airplane in distress movie.For those youngins out there, there's things I always say about the TV movies of the week that they made.The rules for the TV movie of the week is that they were made on the quick and on the cheap and they always wanted to pull in a female audience, give you a glimpse of the inside, the lifestyles of the richer and famous and also reflect what was going on on the big screen.And we loved an airplane in distress movie in the seventies.We loved them.And even though this movie is made on the quick and on the cheap, it could pass for a big screen.

It could.Other than the lack of action, but it could.

Well, yes, because as I was saying to Scott, because it's the first Time on the show that because they had no budget, they would wind up talking through things without showing you things because we couldn't afford to do flashbacks or special effects.So they would just talk you through everything.And there's a lot of that here and not a lot of action.And the telltale sign are the sets.The sets really cheap.I love that.

I loved those sets.

Honey, Honey.That VIP lounge upstairs with the patio furniture.

Okay.I don't remember flying in the 70s.I don't think I flew until later.But was there an upper deck for the.For the pilot and everything as a.

Former child jet setter?Oh, yes, there were.On.On the extremely luxurious.Just there would be.There would be a lovely spiral staircase to go up to the VIP lounge, which would be decked out like a VIP lounge, not like somebody's basement with that bar.

I love that little bar.

Usually with rotating seats because that was very like, ooh, we're on a plane.We have seats that rotate it.Ooh, it was very.We love to rotate in the 70s.But man, this movie.Scott, it is November 21st, 1975.It is Friday night, Next week is Thanksgiving, and ABC served us a beautiful turkey.

I didn't think it was that bad.

I mean that the most complimentary way possible.It's all the cheese that you want.It's everything that you want.

It was a feast.

It is not a good movie.It is a wonderfully entertaining movie.Bing Bong.Captain Patrick from the future here.I completely forgot to do the behind the scenes to talk about the writer and director of murder on Flight 502 while Scott was still in the studio.Shame on me, because these guys are doozies.All right.Murder on Flight 502 was directed by George McCowan, or possibly McCowan.I'm not sure the pronunciation.He had quite a career in camp TV as a director.11 Mod squads, 14 starskin hutches, nine Charlie's Angels, and 15 fantasy islands.But more importantly, his biggest motion picture mainstream in the theater's release was the infamous 1972 schlock Best Frogs, starring Sam Elliott and Ray Milan.This was his follow up.Murder on Flight 502 was his follow up to Frogs.Frogs got him this job.That's wild.And Murder on Flight 502 was written by David P. Harmon.David P. Harmon pretty much specialized in Saturday morning cartoon stuff.So we wrote, as he did, six Brady kids at 13.Inch high, private High.Remember Inch High, Private High, Lord.But for TV movies, he wrote two doozies.Rescue from Gilligan's island and Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island.What a time to be alive.Bing bong.Back to the show.

I.Okay, I want to start out with just the opening credits.

Okay.Before you do though, Scott, tell me what's the basic plot of murder on Flight 502?I think the title explains it all, but by all means.

So there is a transatlantic flight from New York to London.I've taken one of those.It's quite nice, it's very long.And in the first class lounge back at the airport they find a mysterious note.A note they weren't supposed to find until the next day.But because there is a bomb threat, they find it early, letting the people know that there's going to be murders on this flight and it's too late because they've already happened.So they alert the pilot, Mr. Robert Stacker, and it's up to him and a police officer who's on board to try to figure out who the murderer is and try to prevent these murders by the time they land at Heathrow.

Perfect.Perfect.Sold.Write it up, write it up.Good stuff.Things I just wanted to say going in.Things that made me very happy.I also have taken a Red eye Intercontinental flight to London.And it's not just this movie, it's all of the airplane movies.In the past year I've watched most of the big ones.You know, airport, airport 75, airport 77.Guess they're on Netflix.And they're always on a red eye flight and they're always filled with the chattiest ass people.Like nobody is sleeping this, right?It's four in the morning.Why is everybody awake?

By the way?You only get to meet the first class passengers.The people in steerage.They don't matter.They're garbage.They're garbage.Forget them.

We are packed the gills with stars.We can't afford extras.Are you crazy?

Stars?

No.Okay, here's the thing, here's the thing, here's the thing.No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.I'm gonna give them this.I'm gonn really good job because the.If this was a major like big screen airplane and disaster movie, it would be all Academy award winners in it and a listers.Everybody in this is an Academy award or Emmy nominee.

Emmy nominee.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's always a bridesmaid, never the bridegrad.

I mean their names.Do you recognize, you know these names?But they're not stars.

No, no, they're TV stars.

They're TV stars.Yeah.

So it's perfect.But it means that much like the movies, you get a mix of people who should never have been in a movie together ever.Like people who.Farrah Fawcett, Sonny Bono and Danny Bonaduce in the same movie should never happen.But I'm so happy that it did.

And you learn right from the opening credits.And this is what made me squee right from the beginning.Just this list of like, oh, I know them.Oh, I know them, I know them.They were all B and C list stars.But.But they were there.And I'm like, we don't make movies like that anymore.And that's bullshit.We should have more movies like this where there's a whole bunch of TV stars getting together to do a movie, preferably on a plane, only in first class.

It's true.Because this is back in the era when we had shows like Battle of the Network Stars and.

Oh, God, yes, Circus of the Stars.Circus of the Stars.

The reason why these movies were so cheap is because I've said this on the show before.Sorry if you've heard this before.All these actors were already on contract with the studio, so they didn't have to pay them extra to do this movie.They're on contract to do whatever show they're doing, plus whatever they tell them to do, whatever stupid publicity.And this was considered publicity.So this and Circus of the Stars and Ballad Network Stars, they were required to do that.So I don't know if the studios work like that anymore.

They probably also reminded me a lot of.Of Love Boat and Fantasy Island.

It's an epic production.

It's what they get, all these people.But in this case, it's like three times what a Love Boat would be.

You're right.You're right 100%.And it is 1975.And Brown is in.Brown is the color of this movie.Brown is the color of everything in this film.It's amazing.I'm very happy.The other thing that made me happy, which is a weird thing to be happy about, because the first time I watched it, I'm sitting there going, this movie has been on for a really long time, and there hasn't been a murder yet.

Hasn't been a murder.

I sat there going, is there actually going to be a murder on Flight 502?Or is this Waiting for Godot with Farrah Fawcett-Majors, which I'm also into.

I don't know if I'm jumping the.Jumping the plane.

There's no such thing here.

But when the first murder happens, I must say I gasped.It was a little shocking.It comes out of nowhere.You kind of think something's going to happen, but you don't expect what does.

Right.And we're so deep in the movie.You probably have convinced yourself that there's not gonna be a murder, that we're gonna be successful in preventing the murders.Cause there are several attempted murders.Cause the other thing, this movie is filled with things.It's filled with brown.Three things.It's filled with brown.It's filled with bad toupees, and it's also filled with red herrings.This is the movie of red herrings.Red herrings and mystery.

There's so many subplots as there would.

Be on an airplane in distress movie.Because that's what they're all about.

Right?

That's why everybody's so chatty.Because we have to have strangers talking all the movie.Otherwise there's gonna be a movie about people sleeping, which I get.It's all great.

Can we talk about spoilers?I mean, it's a movie from 1975.

Okay, Scott, I'm gonna put a in this just for a bit, because I think we might be better served to go this other direction.Because I think, as I was saying, this guy beforehand, much like the situation was with what the movie that we just covered, She's Dressed to Kill.There are so many characters and there are so many plot lines.There's so many things going on that it would be possible to talk about all of them.So I think what we're going to do, we're going to talk about the characters, do it that way, and, you know, like their little individual plots.And I think we'll build up to the murder.So we're going to go with the red herrings and the side plots first.I think we're going to start with the.Why don't we start with the crew?Let's talk about the crew.Tell me about the.Tell me about the captain.

Robert Stack plays stalwart, by the book captain.And he's got.He's got two other co pilots who you really don't learn that much about.

Not at all.

No.I think they're like under five, you know, and he's got two flight attendants.Farrah Fawcett Major.Farrah Fawcett Majors.And some other girl who knows who she is.

Brooke Adams.Brooke Adams from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

The.The movie remake?

Yeah, the 1978 movie remake.Hold on, Brooke.

Don't remember her.

Hold On a second, hold on.

For that movie is Donald Sutherland.

She was in Body Snatchers, the Dead Zone.She did tons of TV work too.She was.Which we'll probably be talking about.She was in Lace and Lace two.Well, those are.Those are some.Those are some scandal.They're technically 80s.

Was lace I.Which one of you bitches is my mother.Yeah.

And Lace two was.Which one of you Sons of bitchesIs my father.That's all.

I didn't even know there was a lace too.

They're gay history, so I feel the need to cover them at some point.But she's also in the TV movies Song of the Succubus and who is the Black Dahlia?Which both sound pretty cool.So she was a president.She was a president.And she's got a short and sassy hairdo.Yes, please.

Yes, she does.And they are.They are not wearing what I thought stewardses would have been wearing back then.Those.Those striped tops.

Fruit.I cut.My first note of the movie was fruit striped gum.

Oh, my God, yes.Yeah.

Not the gum itself.

About as much flavor, too.

Yeah, yeah.I was actually surprised because this is an Aaron Spelling production.I was expecting it, considering it's about a plane and a flight crew.I was expecting it to be a lot sexier because normally his stuff is a lot flirtier, sexier, campier.And there's really not a lot of that at all.And especially when you got Farrah Fawcett majors.And I was expecting more flirting among the.Like, there's usually flirty going on with the co pilot and the stewardesses and stuff like that.And none of that.

None of it.

What was weird?Those fashion tips.Those tops that the stewardess set on, you know, these big horizontal stripes, normally that they make, they fill you out.So I'm like, oh, they put them in that to make their tits look bigger, but they don't.For some reason.It makes.They're very unflattering.You put Farrah Fawcett majors in the movie and make her unflattering.Bless her.And this is pre Charlie's Angels too.She's not a star yet.

Okay.She's.Oh, I did not realize that she was a movie.

Sarah.

Robert Sack was already famous and well known.

Yes, Robert Sack.Hold on.Normally when we do this, I will give a quick, quick rundown of what they did.Oh, and I broke my own rules here.Did I not do anything for Robert Stack?Did I not write down, oh, Robert Stack.It was an Oscar nominee for something and I forgot what.But he was.He Pretty much played the same character in Airplane, the spoof of this.And for TV movies, he was in the Strange and Deadly Occurrence, which we're going to be doing at some point.So fun little thriller.Robert Seck, of course.And Unsolved Mysteries, famously from Unsolved Mysteries.

Vader.Vader.

Yeah.And that voice.That voice of his is just everything.There were certain points that I just expected him to say something from Airplane.There's a scene where he invites Danny Bonaduce to come up to the cockpit.

I'm alert.

Yes, sir.

I'll be busy for a while, but later on, come on to the cockpit.I'll show you how this machine practically flies itself.

Yes, sir.

And I was waiting for you.

Ever watch Gladiator movies?

Have you ever seen a grown man naked?I know that's Peter Graves, but it's the same voice.So, Danny, would you like to come up to the cockpit?It's exactly like it's out of Airplane, but that's a nice little blending of whatever meta reference.Which is fun.Yeah.Okay.Sets the crew.And I think it's fun because you got the blonde stewardess and the brunette stewardess.We spent no time with the brunette stewards.

All nothing.One little thing at.One little thing at the beginning, and that was it.

And one little thing in the middle, but.And even Farrah Fawcett doesn't have a lot to do.She's in a lot, but she's usually just walking around with drinks.They're doing stewardess jobs, but it's always her and never Brooke Adams.

But of course.And yet she's.She's top billing.And she's got hardly anything to do in this movie.

She didn't have to do it, but to be fair, I think she worked more than anything.I think she had to be on set when anybody else.Because she's always walking around in the back.

She is.Yeah.Yeah.

Bless her.

She's the one who has to go back and check out the.The steerage class.And when she does, in like 30.

Seconds, she might never come back because they're animals back there.We can't show them on camera.Those people, they will eat her alive.You can't send a pretty blonde back.You said the brunette back there, she's expendable.

And we have this little scene where the two of them talk about how.

She's expendable and clumsy.

Sorry I'm late.The traffic.Why am I such a clumsy.

This one scene where we find out somebody's stolen a serving fork.

Oh, back in the days when actually you had meals on a plane, like actual meals, like things that weren't just reheated.They had to cook shit on a plane.Why would you have a serving fork on a plane?But they did.

They did.

You would never have it now anyway because of the security things.But such a time it was.Oh, what a time it was.

I.You know that I thought about that a lot too.Of just the differences of flight travel now compared to then.

Yeah.Because.Okay, we've done.Since we've done the flight crew, we can start getting into the passengers.And since we're here, we're gonna start at the bottom of the barrel.Because this plot line goes nowhere, but it does get everything rolling.

Danny Bonaduce, a troubled teenager who does a lot of flying.

Troubled rich teenager.Rich spoiled teenager.

Cause he's always got a road to himself that's pointed out.

And I sure hope I don't sit next to him.

You asked to sit alone.

I always sit alone.

Comes into the first class lounge with this really oversized Maltese falcon.It's a gift, but it's a wrap.

Package.Yeah.

What are those called in the movies?That is the.It's not a red herring.MacGuffin.Yeah.So it has this, obviously this big package, and then.

I didn't even realize.You're not going to come on my plate and talk about daddy about a DJ's big package.How dare you, sir?

No.I feel I need to go wash my mouth out.And then he leaves it behind.And not a whole lot is made of that.But he's.

He's.He.

They think he might be the killer at 13.I don't know.

Well, because what happened?Not that he leaves it behind.What happens after he leaves it behind?The plane's in the air.

It's a smoke bomb.

He left a bomb in an airport.Everyone's like, man.

Security toa first class lounge.I think we have a bomb in here.Everybody move out.

Quickly.Life.A joke.A stupid joke.Some idiots playing jokes.

I want to hear about your problem.I got the call in a motel room.Scared the hell out of me.Thought it was my wife.

That's hilarious.That's a joke.Wow.First of all, first of all, an unattended.He left it unattended.Package in an airport for hours.And nobody.They'll blow it up.Now.They broke.They call them a special bomb squad to come in.If you leave a package alone for 30 seconds in a plane, in an airport now.

And it's not even like you wouldn't Notice it?How could you fucking miss this overdone gift package?It's huge.And, yeah, and let's talk about that poor.That bomb threat, the bomb crew, the bomb staff.Who comes in in the worst costume I've ever seen, okay?

To protect himself, he's wearing a sneeze guard from Wendy's salad party.

That's about right.That is about right.Oh, God.That his hazmat suit looks like something a carpet cleaner wears.I just felt so.But you're gonna die.

Yeah, you're die.This is the VIP lounge at the airport.And the VIP lounge at the airport is UG.

Well, I believe that was true.That.That felt real to me.

Yeah, I mean, it's.Because it's clearly a set, but, I mean, there's like fabric draperies on the walls in an airport.Normally they're clean, dry, clinical.But who knows, who knows, who knows?It just was hideous.The fan, the furniture didn't match, Nothing matched.But whatever, it's all fine.Clearly I don't understand the luxury of 1975, but this is what gets everything in motion.Because when the bomb goes off and the airport security, it's still a bomb.It goes off.It's a smoke bomb, and the smoke goes off.So it's a bomb.

And a jack in the box.

With a jack in the box I put aside that says ha.And I told everyone we knew it was a joke.Dude, you would be in federal prison if it was now, as well you should be, Dan.Abnormal duce.But for other completely different reasons.But when they're doing the handcuffs for.

The rest of that flight.Right?

But when the detective, the airport detective, is looking into the bomb, he finds the note.

Millard Kensington, sir.Don't you remember him?Kid about 13?

Oh, yeah.He'll make some analysts real cheers and.

Drive the rest of us crazy in the process.Last year, he boarded a plane with 13 sponges.Blocked up every john on the airplane.I have to notify the captain.He's aboard.

Oh, Mr. Davenport.Here's the letter addressed to you.If they mailed it, it would have taken a week.They could have saved this to happen with any luck.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

By the time you receive this letter, you will already know about the murders on Flight 502.

Okay, the.Since we're here, the detective who's kind of important, it was George Maharis, I believe his name is.He was from Route 66.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.I also judge people, Scott.On the show, I judge people by the number of fantasy Islands and Love Boats that they did.Was it upstair?Camp Valley.He did six fantasy Islands but no love Boats.Okay, but he was also in the TV movies, which we'll probably be talking about at some point.Sst, Death Flight.And look.Yeah, look what happened to Rosemary's Baby.

Ooh, that sounds like a sequel.

It is a sequel and it's, it's like an LSD sequel.I've tried to get through.

Oh my gosh.

I'll, we'll, I'll do it for the show at some point, but I'm hesitant.Big bong.Captain Patrick from the future here.I found out after we recorded this that George Mujaras, who's playing the airport security guy who used to be on Route 66, was actually fired from Route 66 because there was a public scandal that revealed that he was gay and he was, he was a real life homosexual.And right around the time of murder on Flight 502, he also appeared fully nude in Playgirl.Put that in your hat and smoke it.

Bing bong.

Back to the show.

Here's what I've got to say about him.He does look like a cop.I believed he was a cop.

Yes, 100%, I believe he's a cop.And speaking of cop, tell me about Hugh o', Brien, the detective on the airplane.

First of all, he has a gun.And as we know by Chekhov, that gun is gonna go off by Act 3.And so he's got a gun.He stores it with the captain.But as soon as the captain realizes there's a murderer on board, he gives the gun back to him so he can protect his passengers because he is a tried and true New York City detective who's there to serve and protect.

I'm Detective Sergeant Myers from the New York City Police Department.They said I should check with you about my gun.By law, as a police officer, I'm supposed to carry it at all times.I'm sorry.

On this plane, I'm the law.I don't like pistol packing passengers, even if they're off duty cops.Or return it when we land.

If you ask a question to get an answer, I'm going to feel naked without it.Get lonely.You can have visiting privileges.

Yeah, yeah.And so that's the, that's the trifecta.People trying to solve the things we've got.The captain who's trying to keep everything under control and is also relaying information from the ground who are doing their own investigation.

The security guy at the airport.

Yeah.

Who, by the way, I thought he was hot.

Oh, he was hot.

He was hot.

Yeah.I'll give you a toothache, mister.I don't know where you can knock that tooth out of your head.That was killing me.

That was a weird.The whole thing about the tooth that never goes anywhere.

No, it goes anywhere.That's all right.I think it's just to make him crotchety and give him that New York edge in this LA soundstage, I'm going to get confused saying detective, Detective.Let me just make sure we get his name, because I do have a name here somewhere.Davenport.Davenport is the guy in the airport between Davenport, Hugh O' Brien and Robert Stack.The three heroes.They're going to have a 2 payoff at some point because they're.All three of their wigs are just.Are they're.They are present.They should have their own billing.All three of them.Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, fight between the wigs.

We should also mention that poor woman back in New York in the security office.The way she gets treated felt very 1975, but.Oh, my God.

Yeah, there.There is some dialogue in this that makes me go, wow.You can never say that in a movie now.

No, you couldn't.It was very 75. Who else is in the cast?

Sonny Bono is in the cast.Sunny Bonus.Sonny Bono's on the plane.Tell me about the Sonny Bono plotline.

He is a.

Actually.Take it back, Take it back.So that one gets more complicated.I'm gonna go with the older couple first.

The little old Jewish lady who.Who's on a flight.She.Maybe she's going somewhere to die.I'm not certain.It's her last flight and her kids don't care about her.

It's not her last.That's true.No, her kids are always sending her away just to get rid of her.

You got your passport, ticket, all your hotel reservations already.

Since your father.He should rest in peace, died.To the Catskills.To Atlantic City, to Los Angeles, Montreal, where I didn't understand a word.Every February by Cousin Bertha in Miami.

But, Mama, this time it's the grand tour.All over Europe.

Europe.Ship, ship, ship.I was born there.

I don't blame them.Oh, my God, how she kvetches.

How dare you?

How dare you.

That's Molly Pican.She's Yente from the movie Fiddler on the Roof

Of course she is.And she means and.

And she was Natalie's grandma on the Facts of Life, so we can't let that go either.

Okay, I'm not letting it go by, but she starts up a friendship with this older gentleman who's seated next to her.

Walter Pidgeon from Forbidden Planet and Funny Girl.

I rec.And he.I recognize he was the first one.Well, well, I recognized Sonny Bono first, but I recognize him.Like, I know that face.Couldn't put a name to it just yet, but like, I know the name and I know the face.Boom.Put them together and they strike up a.An odd friendship because he's obviously probably Catholic or Protestant or Methodist or something, and she's Jewish.

I've seen that look on my late husband's face.God love him.His name was Sam.My name is Ida Goldman.

Well, it's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Goldman.

If you'd like to talk, a good place to start is with your name.

Uncle Charlie.

Oh.Part of the story.I know already.

And by the end of the film, they're gonna shack up together.Oh, yeah.

Scott.Right here on my nose.Where is it?Here, right top, top of my nose.People here on campus, them old people gonna fuck.It says right there.

They gonna fuck.They are gonna.At a hotel in London and they gone far.

But they're adorable.They're, they're, they're, they're a non mystery thing.They're just lovely filler to all this and I enjoy.

Course.But at the time you're going, is he a suspect?I never once suspected she was a suspect.

They could have been victims.They could have been victims.

They could have been victims.But I'm like.

Because they're so, they're so nice and so lovely that had they killed them, we would, as an audience, we would have been devastated.

Yeah.Because the minute somebody says, I'm getting married when we land this flight, oh, you're gonna die.You're gonna die.

Oh, thank you.Thank you for saying that.Cuz Farah's getting me.Farah is getting married in the morning.

Yeah.

And then some of that sexist language like.So someone's finally going to make an honest woman out of you, huh?Off, off.What was the other one?There was something he said something else awful about that.I don't remember her name.Like.Oh, so sorry.So I hear that this is your last trip as a working girl.

Oh, yeah.

Looking forward to your last trip as a working girl.

I'm looking forward to a small wedding, a house and some kids.I've been liberated long enough.

Yeah.

Big to do that.It's fair.Is less fight.Yeah.

It comes up enough that you know it's gonna be important later that she's either Gonna die or something's gonna happen.Just like.And I brought.Just like I brought up, I mentioned earlier that Brooke Adams is clumsy.And the only reason that we know that she's clumsy is that they clumsily tell us that she's clumsy three times.

And she drops.

How clum.

She drops her suitcase.

What?

Oh, my God.

What?

A claw.It's always bumping, intercepting.We never see it.

Oh, my God.Look at her scanties in her suitcase.Let's.Let's cover up her scanties.

Ooh.

I really wanted there to be one of those plastic leg eggs in there.Just as a relic.It's a time capsule.

Oh, my God.That's the best.

Nothing beats a great pair of legs.Scott.No.

Do they still exist?Oh, no, no.

I remember they got that.One of the reasons they stopped making them was the packaging.The famous packaging that everybody loved was just environmentally.Even though we used those eggs for everything.Those.Those eggs.Nobody cares.Nobody cares.Nobody cares about the plastic eggs.People gonna die on this plane.Who else is on the plane?

Can we talk about the other married couple?

We can.Since they're into.Yeah, since they're tied in with Sonny Bono, we'll just put lump all those people together.

Well, we don't know that they're tied into Sonny Bono yet.

No, we don't, but they are.But this is a good way to talk it up, talk it out.And it is a red herring.And the platform.

There is another couple there, and all we know about them is that this flight is booked at the last minute.She had other things she was going to do, but he said, no, we're going to London, and he booked this flight.

It's the trip that she's always talked about wanting, but all of a sudden we're doing it now.We're doing it now, and he's not happy about it.Play the audio from it.

You look so tense.

I'm perfectly all right.

We need this trip.

Oh, was my idea, wasn't it?

Yes, but I just.

Look, it's what you always wanted.London, Rome, Paris, Athens.Now you're getting it.

I know, but it was just so quick, that's all.One minute I was dressing to go and have dinner at the club, and then the next I'm packing.

That's the way I always do things, Claire.

No, now actually, you never.

Please stop talking so much.I've got things on my mind.

I hurt too, Ray.

She is a symphony of brown she is a beautiful older woman in the symphony of brown.They stuck her with the neck ribbon

Oh, girl.

Honey, honey, honey, honey.

I actually, I liked her a lot.She was a very sympathetic character.

Yes.

And I'm like, oh, she's nice.I dig her.

That's Lorraine Day Two Love Boats, two Fantasy Islands and two Murder She Wrote.

Good for her.Oh, got a Murder She Wrote in there.

Her husband is Dane Clark, who I did not recognize anything that he was in.It was a lot of westerns and older like worse stuff.But he was in the 80s Slasher Blood song with Frankie Avalon.

Not Frankie Avalon.

The Frankie Avalon.

Oh my goodness.

I hate it.I hate a Frankie Avalon jump scare.That's the scariest.I don't know.It's a scary movie, but Frankie Avalon.I don't know how to be scared of Frankie Avalon.

I need to go look this up.Up.Yeah, but they are interconnected with Sonny Bono, who is a tarnished rock star.He a fading rock star.What would you say?Fading, Fading, fading.

Trying to make a comeback.

Yeah, it's trying to make a comeback.And of course he sitting.He's sitting next to a pretty young thing who we know he's going to seduce.

Well, of course, because that.What else are we going to do?It's an Aaron Spelling production.What else are you going to do for six hours on a plane in the middle of the night?

Didn't you used to be Jack Ainsley Marsh?

Didn't I use.Yes, I. I used to be Jack Kingsley Marshall.And you want to know something?I'll be damned if I know who I am now.

I'm sorry, that sounded stupid.I only.I only meant.I mean, you were my all time favorite.

Well, thank you very much.And listen, you keep the faith between.Because I'm going to be Jack Ainsley Marshall again.

The woman that he's sitting next to, the young woman is sitting next to is Rosemary Stack, daughter of Robert Stack.

He.I read somewhere that he mainly wanted to do this, fly this movie because his daughter and his wife were involved.

Yeah, and his wife was the woman who was working in the VIP lounge with Danny Beneduce.The beautiful blonde woman.

Oh, oh, at the reception desk.

Yeah.And the daughter who's not great, I didn't love her.She didn't work a lot, but she was in the initiation of Sarah, which we've covered here on the plane.So yeah, we took a flight through that movie.She was one of the evil sorority girls.

Of course she was.

Of course she was.

I mean, isn't that a oxymoron?Evil sorority girl.Aren't they all evil?

Well, not in that movie.They're either evil or coded lesbian.

So one or the other truth right there.And so we come to find out that the married couple's daughter died in Sonny Bono's character's house in his bed.And they blame him for it.

I'm getting off this plane.

Just sit there.Just sit there and keep your voice down.

I should have known.I should have known.I should have known.

I just want to talk to him.

Please, Raymond, let's get off this plane.Let's take look a another plane.

No, no.He's got to know it's not over for either of us.He's got to keep remembering.

But we come to find out he wasn't even there.But of course, I was a little put off that he didn't even seem to have that much knowledge of her.I would have a whole lot of fucking knowledge if somebody died in my bed, even if I wasn't there.But this is our.Actually, I guess this is our second red herring.Death or murder?Because the husband attacks Sonny Bono with the aforementioned missing serving fork.

No.

What a way to go.Stabbed to death with a serving for it.

Well, good thing it didn't happen.

Yeah.Yeah, he's stopped.Is he handcuffed?No, no.He's allowed the rest of the flight to just walk around.

It's the 70s.Bomb scares, no big deal.Attempted stabbings, whatever.And they leave him alone with Sonny Bono.He was trying to murder this man.We're gonna leave you in the upstairs lounge with the patio furniture to try it again.Whatever.

You have a passenger.Raymond Garwood.I repeat, Raymond Garwood.Now, according to the New York police, some months ago, his daughter.

Here's something else.Davenport.Garwood just tried to kill Jack Marshall.

What?Tried?

Nobody was hurt.One broken guitar string.

Well, did he admit to leaving the note?

He denied it.

What does Myerson think?

He thinks he's telling a truth.So do I.

There's a lot here that I felt was really interesting.First of all, sometimes it takes me a while.I watch this.I'm like this man.I'm watching Sonny Bono.For all his camp value there, he is fascinating on camera.The camera loves him.And he brings an energy to the movie that nobody else is bringing, which is nice, but he used to fuck Cher.That man, this goofy clown used to fuck a goddess.What a world we live in.Granted, he was a monster, but also, he used to fuck Cher.

And I will say he's not bad in this movie.He's pretty believable.I mean, he's not playing something too far off from himself, really, other than he wasn't a fading rock star at that point of his career.

Of his career at the time.

Yeah.Yeah.He's probably the biggest star there is in this movie.I think.

Probably.Yeah, probably the most expensive.Would have been.The most expensive.

That's.That's the right word right there.

Had he not already been on contract, he would have been expensive because.Yeah.You never saw Sonny Bono showing up on Battle the network stars, did you?No, you didn't.Or Cher.They were too expensive for that.

Right.

Anyway, we're not talking about that.He's.

Can you imagine?Hold on.Side Side note, share on Circus of the Stars In.In a.In a Bob Mackei gown.Oh, my God.

Walking a tightrope.

No.

Oh, my God.It would have been fabulous.

I could see it more like taming lions.The lions be like, whatever you say, bitch.Yes, mama.Yachts roar Roar.No, but Sonny Bono is dynamic.He's fascinating.Then I. I was.Enjoyed his performance a lot in this.And one of the things that It's.It's a 70s movie, so you never get into nuance or anything.I feel like he's coming off as such a nice guy.

Your first big hit was A Lonely Shade of Blue.I wore out three different records of it.

That's really nice.You know, that song was on the top 10 in the charts for 22 weeks in a row.I like that song myself.

I mean, you really seem to know what being lonely is all about.

Yeah, well, the beat goes on, but.

I also feel like.Had the movie gone on a little longer and we had.That's like his game.I mean, he's played this game before.This is what he does.He gets.

You know what I think we ought to do?I think you and I are gonna write a hit song right now, right this minute.

Hey, why don't we call it Come Fly With Me?

Come Fly With Me.How about this for a song?I got those.Lonely in three continents Crying in five languages.Blues over you, baby.Cha cha, cha.No, you're not going for that one.You're not gonna.No.You know, I was really down when I got on this plane.I wanna thank you for the lift.

That makes two of us.

That song.That song he writes for the girl.You know, he's done that before.You know it.

I'm doing the finger on the nose thing for people listening.Exactly.That's exactly what I was gonna say.Like, this is what he sings for every fucking Girl that he meets just puts.

Just puts in a name.

We didn't even put her name.It's our song and she falls for it like an idiot.

Yeah.

You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen.I bet you're only 17 say you'll stay and we won't part Little girl well, you stole my heart Ta da.

Our special song.

Aw, shuck.

Here's my panties.Here's my panties.

Before we move on from Sonny Bono, because that's our first big redhead.We spent a lot of time with this and it goes there.

It's actually our second.

Well, I know, but this is the first big one on the plane itself because the first.

The bomb.

The bomb threat set off everything in motion.And now the.

The doctor one actually happens before this one.

I forgot about that one because that one goes so.Goes so nowhere.But before we move on, I just want to bring up the.That while he's boarding the plane, Sonny Bono is walking along in the airport with his manager.

Incoming passengers.

What'd you expect, Jack?Reporters?Groupies?Autograph hounds?

No, I got to be the best kept secret in town.

If you blow it this time, you're going to be out for good.

Yeah, Benny, I had 10 gold records.Nobody knows I'm alive.

That's four years ago in this business, ancient history.

Don't forget something, Benny, you built that agency on my back.

I remember.That's why I'm here.

Yeah, but Benny, you.

Now look, listen.For once in your life.Listen, Jack, when you're on top, you can rape Whistler's Mother in Macy's window at high noon to get away with it.Okay?When you're trying to scratch your way back up one traffic ticket, you're out in your keister.

Benny, I got it.Anything you say.Anything you say, pal.

Just remember, when you're on top, you can rape Whistler's Mother and Macy's window at high noon and get away with that.

Little too close to home nowadays.

Yes, I got that too, but I'm like, what, Whistler's Mother catching stray.So why.Why would this old woman.

Well.Or the painting.He could.The painting.

He thought.Well, he's you.He raped the painting.He didn't get consent from the painting.

How do you get consent from a painting?

I don't know.I don't know.But what's really.Well, it's really weird.A couple of years previous to this, I was covering or I have a couple movies that I'm looking at covering, and some of them cover Sexual assault.And some of these early movies, like I'm thinking specifically of, there's a movie called Secret Nightcaller with Robert Reed where he plays an obscene phone caller, where you never hear the phone calls because they can't.And they never say the word rape.They talk around it because you couldn't say it on TV at the time.So it's really weird in this movie.It comes up twice as a punchline a couple years later.Weird, crazy times.Anyway, once his mother catches trace.But.All right, since you brought the dog.The doctor.Tell me about the doctor and the patient.

Well, after Danny Bonaduce comes into the lounge at the beginning of the movie, the next character you meet is the shiftiest son of a. I've ever seen on film.It's a.It's a name.It's Theodore.

Theodore Bickham.

Bickham, yeah.

Theodore Bickle.Who was the original Tevye.Yes.And also the original Captain Von Trapp on this in the stage version of Sound of Music.

Oh, I didn't know that.

And he was in he.Yeah.Diary of Anne Frank, African Queen, My Fair Lady.Man worked a lot like that's just touching on his.And an Oscar nominee.So he is.He's big.So we have Tevye and Yente on the same flight.My gosh.My gosh, such a.Such a mitzvah.

And so he's all shifty, and he wants to know if this certain doctor is on the flight.

Dr. Walker.

What?

I asked if you were Dr. Walker.

Grunewald.Otto Grunewald.

I'm sorry, Mr. Grand.

Excuse me.Did you say Dr. Walker?Dr. Kenyon Walker.Is he on this flight?

Why, yes.Do you know him?

No.No, I don't know him.I don't know him.

And we find out that the doctor is.And he spends the beginning parts of the first 10, 20 minutes just eyeballing the doctor.Giving the side eye.The doctor turns out to be.

Well, first of all, Doctor turns out to be Ralph.Oscar nominee Ralph Bellamy from Trading Places.His Girl Friday and the original Wolfman.

I own the original Wolfman.

He's a hero.

I mainly know him from Trading Places, but turns out that the doctor was at a party and couldn't get to the hospital to operate on his wife, who died.So he blames the doctor for partying too hard and he's going to kill him.

Larkin, will you listen?About a year ago, Otto Grunewald lost his wife.

Davenport.Don't give me a damn case history.

According to Gruenwald's an Emergency call was put through to Dr. Walker.Kenyon Walker, the son thinks that Dr. Walker was at a party.

He never got to the hospital and she died.Davenport is Gruenwald, our psycho.

Well, he threatened Walker.Isn't that enough?A few months ago, Dr. Walker received threatening phone calls.Well, the message was always the same.If it wasn't for you, she'd still be alive.Maybe academic.How so?They recalled Gruenwald is having a heart attack.What?Dr. Walker's working on him now?

Yes.

He doesn't get to because he has a heart attack, which is so foreshadowed it's unbelievable.

He's so sweaty.

He does everything but grab his left arm going, oh, my God.Something's going to happen.

What it is I love about this kind of movie, it's not.This is not a problem with this specific movie.This is what happens in these.These airplane movies all the time.Or any of where you pack all these stars into a confined space and you have to have plots going for some reason.Like I said, first of all, it's always a night flight.Nobody sleeps.Everyone's chatty, chatty, chatty.I'd be so angry.Like when Seti Bono took out a guitar and started playing My people are sleeping.It's a red eye flight.Come on.

No, they're sleeping back there in steerage.We're all awake here.

But that happened in Airport 75 with Helen ready.She's playing.There is only one river.But.But that happens.But you always have people.Everybody knows each other somehow.

There's always somehow.

Yeah, Ran just randomly.These people who should never.Whose past should never because it just happened, wind up in the same flight in first class.Not even in coach.Who knows what the is going on in coach.It must be a complete zoo back there.

That's why they locked the doors.Yeah, that is why the captain's door not locked.But they lock those doors to steerage

Listen, Danny about it.If you do that again, we have to send you back thereNo, please, no.

Anything but that.Let me be in a comedy with where I'm playing an instrument.

Bless him.Bless him.No.What?Yeah, this.This plot line took up this another plot and it took up a lot of time.

He was our obvious first red herring.We knew something was going to happen with him.But then he has a heart attack and the doctor saves him.

The doctor who wanted to kill has to save him.It's like the Gift of the Magi, but with cocktail service.

Do I thank you?

No, just stay quiet.

The man I Wanted to see dead saves my life.There's an irony in that, Doctor, that I don't find pleasant.The only woman I knew.The only woman I ever wanted to know.

You're a fortunate man.You knew some happiness.

Fortunately? she's dead.She died because you didn't get to the hospital.

Mr. Grunwald, at the moment, you're my patient.If you insist on becoming emotional.

No, no, no, no.I won't.I won't.I promise.What she needed was a delicate operation.They said you were the best man to do it.But you were at a party.You were talking business.Big deal.She died because money was more important.

Mr. Grunwald, you're accusing me?Maybe I'm guilty.I don't know.Maybe if I'd been there, I could have saved your wife.I wish I could remember the night, but I don't.

A woman dies, you don't even remember.

Hardly a day goes by that I don't receive an emergency call.Some I can save, some I can't.I try.It's all I can do.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

No.Just try to understand.You saved my life.I thank you.But I hate you.

And that's something we'll both have to live with.

And now the.The.The captain doesn't trust the doctor because maybe the doctor's the killer and he was planning on killing this guy.

I. I like Ralph B.She's like, listen, you'll never know what I injected him with anyway.

I fucking loved that, by the way.You'll never know the most badass doctor in the world.

Hold it, Doctor.

I'm not so sure I can.

Hold it, Captain.I just talked to New York.Captain, this man has had an acute myocardial infarction.He's an impending shock.If I don't.

You've been getting threats some months ago,

but surely we can discuss that later.

The calls have been coming from him.

From him?I never met the man.I don't even know his name.

I can't be sure of that, Doctor.

You can be sure of this.This syringe contains an antiarrhythmic.If he doesn't get it now, he'll die.

If you knew this was a man who wanted to kill you and you wanted to get rid of him, you could call it a heart attack.Shoot him with anything.It's been done before, Doc.

Then you make the decision.

Give it to him.

Get a couple of blankets on him.

I want that.

I don't like the implication.If he dies, I've been a doctor for 35 years.I'm answerable for any decision I make that means the difference between life and death.But not to you, just to my peers in my profession.

At this moment, doctor, you're responsible for one life.I'm responsible for 250.

I fought the Wolf man off the off.So, yeah, this is another thing.What always happens with these movies is, like, people will just disappear off the flight.Like after this, after the heart attack happens, you never see much of Ralph Bellamy or the other guy again.We never see Dan and Bunn.Dan and bodies literally disappears off the plane.As well he should, because there's time for my favorite couple on the plane.My favorite person on the plane.

Oh, my God.I thought.I thought I was the only one.

We have Fernando Lamas and Polly Bergen.

Movie.Right from everyone.I would watch a whole movie just on her character.Oh.

As I said, what are.What are the criteria that I always give with these TV movies?I know a lot of times, maybe not so much with this one, because it's an ensemble piece.They don't have a lot of rehearsal time.If they have any rehearsal time, people might be getting their sides, like, as they shoot.And we're only getting one or two takes because there's no time.So you don't get a lot of developed characters.But they're.They're.These are established actors.So they're bringing.They're giving you their best audition for their performance.They're not nuanced.So every now and then in a movie like this, this, you get actors who know exactly what movie they're in.Polly Bergen knows what movie she's in for every.

From the get go.From her entrance and all the way through.Oh, God, she's heaven.She.Okay, so Polly Bergen plays a mystery writer.

Yeah.

Am I right there?Yeah.And she comes in and she immediately tries to seduce Danny Bonaduce, which was so weird.

No, what's great, her first line to Danny.About it.Danny about it.She said something to her and she turned around, said, I bite.

I bite.

I've had my shots.

Tell me the truth.You're irresistibly drawn to older women, right?

She.She sits next to Lorenzo Lamas, who is again, he knows the assignment.Simon, but in a different way, because he is overacting his ass.Off.And it is brilliant.It is brilliant to watch.

Are you going to stare at me all the way to London?

But I've never met the famous author before.

Do not confuse random seating arrangements with a formal introduction.

Tell me, when was it that you this discover how much rudeness people will take from a celebrity?

I'm sorry, Mr. Barrons, it's just that my disposition is rotten at the best of times and it gets noticeably worse on a plane.I. I am terrified of flying and this almost gets me through.

Oh, well, I understand that.You know, I am, I don't know, normally.Gosh.But, well, I am a mystery buff.I've read all of your books and I admire them.Now tell me your.Your style is influenced by A.J.Scott, isn't it?

Hardly surprising.I am A.J.Scott.

Oh.

I am also Everett Hicks and John Wilson, and once in a while, I am even owner Brawley.

Well, well, I had no idea.Why, why did you choose male pen names?

Well, one of my earlier husbands persuaded me that writing murder mysteries was very unladylike.And as it turned out, he was ladylike enough for both of us.

The chemistry between these two is spark.And just, just, just, just for to round things out.Polly Bergen, Emmy nomination for Desperate Housewives.She was in the original Cape Fear and she's in the TV movie Death Cruise, which I'm definitely covering because she's fabulous.She brings the same energy to that.Plus it's got Kate Jackson, Polly Bergman and Kate Jackson.The same movie.Three Love Boats, one Fantasy Island.Oh, and.

Do you need to give introduction to Lorenzo Lamas?He's Lorenzo.

It's Fernando Lamas.

Oh, oh, Fernando Lama.Sorry.

And he was, he was notorious ladies man.Argentinian, swarthy actor.Like, if you needed a sexy lothario.

In your movie, it was him with Lorenzo, his son.

Yes.

Okay.

Lorenzo Hassan famously had a war with Ethel Merman, was married to Esther Williams, and was the inspiration for Billy Crystal's Hernandez hideaway character.

Uh huh.Yeah, 100%.

And the chemistry between these two are crackling.Polly Bergen is a functioning alcoholic.She's boozy the whole way through.

They noted that.They're like, oh, no, she has permission to get drunk before the flight even starts.

Ms. Brierley.Oh, God bless you.You will finish this before Takeo.I always.

That cocktail is never empty and it never gets put down constantly in her head.Never, ever had.But the thing is, what I think is fabulous, she is drinking Fernando Llamas in the whole movie.Like he's her cocktail.She cannot get Enough of him.And it's not just sexual attraction.She's fascinated by the myth.She's like, since she's a mystery writer, she's smelling.There's some bullshit going on with him from the top and she's going to get to the bottom of it.She's having a ball solving the mystery stream.

Paris.Paris, of course.About five years ago, the Federated bank robbery, if memory serves me right, and it always does, it was $7 million stolen and never recovered.

Ms. Bryce, I am a buyer for a dress house in New York.

And I'm the happy hooker.

Well, you also feel like, oh, this could be a character.I'm going to dissect you for a future book.That's the first thing I got.But yeah, she is.He's been accused of being a bank robber.He got away with it.There was no evidence that he was actually involved, although people died in this, in this heist.

Yeah.

A security guard was killed and, and, but he's like, I had nothing to do with it.Don't ask me where I got the money for this flight.I don't know.

But she, she's, she's, she nails it right away.She recognizes the name.She's like, wait a minute, I never forget a thing.I know who you are.And she's, cause she's like, I love crime.So she's like any, this is a great crime.I remember this crime, so I know who you are.She spends most of the movie calling out his blood.

Come on, come on, stop playing games.You're the barons the police were looking for.

The police found me, questioned me, let me go.Of course, if I were the brilliant criminal you say I am, I would never get caught.

I don't remember using the word brilliant.

Why are you so interested in my alleged crime?

Well, the literature of crime is filled with ingeniously devised and brilliantly executed robberies where the prize is always lost at the last moment.Now you, you got away with the money.And that, that doesn't merely interest me, it fascinates me.

Well then you must admit that I deserve at least a small commendation.

What you deserve is a kick in the behind.A security guard was killed at the scene.One of the three hold up men was killed in the getaway.A second found dead in the tenement.

That was the fault of the execution, not the planning.

The third man never did surface.

Well now, let's see.Maybe.Maybe I killed him and made off with the money.

That's a distinct possibility, yes.

The police thought so too.Fortunately There was no evidence to support that theory.Well,.

Here's new evidence.

You're not gonna find it in a double martini.

That's not where I'm looking, Mr. Barrons.

I just love the way she handles things.Like, it's like.And if I remember things correctly, and I always do love her, love her.

Now, this is where I'm at.

She's drunk as a skunk and she's on point.

This is where I'm gonna slam the scriptwriters.She should have been the fourth.She should have had a bigger part in unraveling this mystery and working with the detective and the pilot to try to figure out who.And they.They kind of bypass that.Of course, she would have sniffed out who the killer is.Like that.

Well, she kind of did.She did finally say this.She went to the.She told somebody about.

She told somebody about the priest.The priest.Which is our third red herring.

Yeah.

Of 1, 2, 3, 4th.4Th red herring.Where there's this priest on board, but he can't be a real priest because he's got black fingernails.

No, he doesn't.

No, I didn't see that either.

No, she says he's wearing fingernail polish.It's just that the man is wearing clear fingernail polish, which a priest wouldn't have done.

I'm a little busy right now, Ms. Brown.

Well, what I have to tell you, Captain, maybe what you're busy about.There's an imposter.

Okay, Ford, an imposter.

There's a gentleman downstairs who is dressed as a priest, but he is not a priest at all.

What makes you so sure?

Well, when Mr. Gruenwall was having his coronary and Dr. Walker was taking heroic measures to save his life, at no point did our friend in the clerical collar move forward to inquire if Brunwald was a Catholic and would require extreme unction.Now, that is very unfriestly like behavior.

You're very observant, Ms. Brierly.

I stock in trade.Oh, and there's one more thing.I don't know about you, but in all my life, I don't ever remember meeting a priest who wore fingernail polish.

Fingernail polish?

Fingernail polish.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention this to anyone else.Ms. Briley.

There is something very wrong, isn't there?

Not yet.There is just.

I thought it was black.

It's a play.No, they're ripping off Alfred Hitchcock's the Lady.What was it?The Lady Vanishes, where.Where the heroine.And that's like that's not a real nun.She's wearing lipstick.

Right?

It's the same thing.A priest wouldn't be wearing menstruation.

There was also one other thing that he didn't rush up to offer last rites or something.

Right.There's got to be a real priest.Priest.

And so she figures that out.And then the priest conveniently.Can we talk about it?

I think we're there.

Is murdered.

We finally get a murder.We finally get our murder.

And it's very well done that he's in the back, in the back galley getting a drink of water and all of a sudden hands come from behind a curtain and pull him in to strangle him.

And I guess you could do that on flights in the 70s and first class.You could just walk into the galley and serve yourself.

Right?And this is the first thing that freaked me out because I'm like, where the fuck did that person come from who's killing him?And yeah, I did jump.It was a good jump scare.I have to give it that.I did not see it coming.And suddenly I'm now involved.Oh, finally we have our murder.It's like an hour into the movie.And it's only a 90 minute movie, but finally we have a murder.

Yes, it was one hour, one minute and eight seconds before we are of.Of an hour and night of a 90 minute movie.

96 Minute to be exact.

96 Minute.Thank you.What I love to.Now.Now that we're.Now the murders are firing happening.Like the weird.The murder plot isn't that interesting?What I love is that there's a.There's a ticking timer.I love a ticking timer.And a movie because the plane we.

Have until the flight lands.Yeah, we have to do the flight.

They really crammed everything.It's the last second.Like, it's like we're landing in 16 minutes.Like, okay, there's been one murder and the plane is landing in 60 minutes.But there's still half an hour of the movie.I don't know what's happening.It's what.It's it.They cram a lot of action, quote unquote, into the last 60 minutes of this flight.

So then we have this mysterious shot of the luggage compartment where a mystery person is going through the luggage.And they open up, up one.The stewardess's luggage.And they find all this Brooke Adams.Thank you.And they find all this money.Okay, here's this.And then Brooke Adams is taking drinks.Coffee, Coffee.Bringing coffee up to the pilots.

She's bringing coffee up to the pilots when they're landing in 16 minutes.

16 Minutes?Yeah.Where was this at two hours ago?

I don't care.People need their coffee.You need it when you need it.

And then the.Again, the mysterious person opens up the bathroom and pulls her in and strangles her.

Strangles her.

At this point, I must say, I was like, is there a fucking stowaway?I had not figured out who the killer was, but I thought for sure there was a stowaway and that's what was going on.And then the co pilot goes out and finds her dead body.

Vera has been murdered.Murdered?That's impossible.Nobody left this section.She's topside and dead.I'm telling you, nobody even got out of their seats.I never took my eyes off of them.

We're just right there.Didn't even try to hide.The killer doesn't try to hide it like he did.The priest tried to put him in the dumbweeder.

She was still in the restroom.It wasn't like she was splayed out.But he found the broken coffee stuff.

Oh, that's right.He found the coffee and then opened up the bathroom and found her.

But how weird was it that the flight crew is completely nonplussed that their coworker was murdered?The coworker they've been working with for years.They're like, 11 years.

It's noted.She's been working there 11 years.Years.

Well, she really was clumsy, though.She was so clumsy.

And I must say this is the first time I caught on to something because I'm like, that cash wasn't in her suitcase earlier.I didn't put the pieces together, but I'm like, how did that.Wouldn't we have seen that cash earlier when she.When the suitcase.What was opened.But.So that.We'll.We'll get back to that later.

But you really couldn't put the pieces together on this one.

No.

Because they kept so much from the audience.It's one of those where they just don't tell you shit.And that's fine.I figured out who it was.I guessed fairly early on just because I know the tropes of these movies.It's you, o'.Brien.It's the.It's the cop.

It's the cop.

Because normally in these 70s things, when you have rivaling here heroes, when you have.Because we have the Captain, Robert Stack and we got this guy who are on the plate and they.They have some pissing contests.

They do, yeah.

Wig versus Wig.And I said, okay.They're gonna make us choose, aren't they?They're gonna make us choose.It's one of them.And but Hugh o' Brien had this speech fairly early on where he's talking about maniacs like, oh, they could look like any one of us.They just blend.Right, it's you.

We're pretty sure he's a psychopath.Now.How do we spot him?

Well, if he's wearing a Napoleon hat, it's easy.Otherwise they come in all sizes and shapes from 11 year old girls to 80 year old men and they all look perfectly normal.

It's you.And they put you in.They put you in glasses and that was the other thing.A lot of times in these movies they put the killer in glasses.It's a psychiatrist and they put them in glasses.The psychiatrist is always the crazy one or it's the cop.

Good call.Yeah, good call.

Oh, by the way, Hugh o' Brien Hill, Brian.I have to mention, because I.

I.

Don't know what he did.I wish.Five fantasy islands, one love book.But he's in the infamous Cruise into Terror, which I will be covering at some point, which is one of the most bananas made for TV movies of the 70s.That's the one with the sarcophagus like they're taking a cruise.And the teeny mini sarcophagus that's killing everybody.The Satan's in a sarcophagus.I don't know, it's very cocaine driven.And another Aaron Spelling where everyone's in bikini and very, very horny.

Oh, God, all these movies you're making me want to go hunt down and watch.

They're ridiculous.

Then we come to my favorite part of the whole goddamn movie.Movie?Yeah, the.The cop orders all of the A list stars up and A list stars up into the lounge to witness him killing Fernando Llamas.

Fernando Llamas, who this is all about.

This is all about him.

It's really been.To kill Fernando Llamas to get revenge.

Foreshadowed it in a different way.Because of his conversations with the right.

Mr. Barron's, your slip is showing.

What are you talking about?What do you mean?

Well, even allowing for the normal impact of a murder on board a plane, you were devastated when that priest was found.

Well, maybe not to you, but murder is a shocking thing to anybody.

But even more so to someone who knew the victim.You know, the captain told us that he was not a priest.In fact, I told the captain, but I think you knew even before I did that he wasn't I think that you know exactly who he was and exactly what he was doing on board this plane.My, my, look who's heading for aa.You need this more than I do.

Listen, what I don't need right now is a drunken broad.

Under ordinary circumstances, I would resent the drunken part of that statement.

Can't you get it to that bigger brain of yours that there is a homicidal maniac on this plane?

No, I don't think so.

Oh, no, he's already killed two people.

No, not a maniac, Mr. Baron.A maniac, at least in my books, doesn't leave advance notice in a letter as the airport.No, I definitely think there's a connection between these two murders.And of course, seeing as you knew.Hoffman.Something I said, Mr. Barons?

Now we know all the history.And now, now we're going to get the conclusion, the denouement, if you will.

Right, because it turns out that the priest, the fake pries and the stewardess were in cahoots with Fernando Lamas about this bank robbery.

The steward, the stewardess have been smuggling the money to Europe.And now Ferrando Lamas is going to go there to finally get all of his cash.And I forget how the.How the fake priest was.

He had something to do with the robbery itself.I don't remember exactly either.It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

He was.They're all in cahoots.

They didn't even give him a fucking name.He's the priest.

The priest.They did.They did.They gave him his real name.

But not credits in the credits.He's just a priest.

No, they gave him a very Jewish name.It was a very Jewish Italian name.I remember that from the people that are on the ground.People doing the work on the ground.They came up with it because there's a lot of scenes with this guy on the phone.The poor guy on the front is on the phone with people.

Every time he gives a bit of information, it's too late.We've already resolved that.You're just too late on that information.

Bless.Look, when the cat's finally out of the bag, Fernanda Llamas finally figures out, and he goes, he asked the cop for help.I think.I think the killer's after me.Yeah, I know I'm the killer, dumbass.

I think I'm next.Yes, you are.

Look, look, you.You've got to help me.Well, of course, Mr. Barons, but I think,

you see, I have reason to believe that I'm Next.

Next what?15.

The next one to Be killed.

Now how would you ever get a notion like that?

Well, you see, Hoffman, the phony priest, he was an associate of mine.And that stewardess, he must have made a deal with her.Wait a minute.Wait a minute.

Calm down.

You're not making any sense.What kind of a deal?

What difference does it make what kind of a deal?I'm telling you, I'm the next one to be killed.

You think it was Hoffman who hired the stewardess to get all the money out of the country?

Yes.Yes.He had to be.Yes, that's the connection.Don't you see?And I'm next.I.You know something, Mr. Bands?I think you're right.No, no, no, no, no, no, no.Listen.

Here comes the guy and that's when we get.That's when we get to him taking the cats out of the bag, revealing to everybody on the plane.And now I need witnesses.

I'd like the two of you.Mr. Don't.Listen Barons.Just move to the end of the plane.You don't understand.I do.Both of you.

We better do like he wants.

And if we don't?

When a crazy has a gun, you do,.

Mister.You and your girlfriend.

Okay, don't worry about it.It's gonna be all right.Let's just go up.Come on.You'll be okay.

Doc, this man is ill.I'm not leaving him.

Of course I understand.You have your job to do.I have mine.Mr. Barnes.Miss Briley.I especially want you.Yeah, I think you are really gonna appreciate the next few moments.

You don't have to wave that cat pistol around at me, Sergeant.You couldn't keep keep me away with a cannon.

Hello, Kite walk.

Does Bet Dunny, does Danny Bonaduce go upstairs?

Danny Bonaduce drops out of the movie.

He's gone.Okay, he's gone.

He's not even.He's not even in the seating anywhere.They sent him back to stairs.They.

The people.

The people in coach ate him.They ate him.They ate him live.They don't get.They don't get snacks back there.So they ate Danny Bonaduce all out of peanuts.

Now you get this bullshit rending him piece by piece.And so now I love him.And so now all the main characters are now up there to witness.To witness a murder.

Oh my God.

You're going to scar these fucking people.They've got to watch.And what's the point?That they're going to go, oh yeah, he didn't do it.Oh, he did it in self defense.I didn't understand why he's bringing all these people upstairs.

I don't think care because you know why?Because I loved how enth like everyone's going up terrified.Polly Bergen is like, let's go.

She's like, yeah.She's like.I mean,.

She saved her for less.And you, you, whatever her name was.I think I'm going to need you to join me as well.And she goes, wait, you couldn't keep me away with a cannon.

She scared over people to get upstairs.

Bring it on.I can see a murder of myself.Oh, I loved her in this movie.She's so good.She's so good.

What the hell's going on?

Justice, Captain.A little late, but most effective, you're about to witness an execution.Now, all of this is going to be perfectly legal.Everything done by the book.And all of you, all of you are going to be the witness.

For God's sake.God?

What do you know about God?

This man.Five years ago, this man engineered the robbery of the Federated Bank.$7 Million scored and a security guard killed.I didn't kill anybody.The next cop, they shot him in the back.It wasn't a great heist.Sloppy, really sloppy.But you got away with it.The whole department made her look like jackasses.And everybody laughed.They laughed at the law.Because you got away with it.You see, once somebody gets away with something, I mean, once somebody gets away with a crime, the law, it looks ridiculous.Justice is defeated and the jungle takes over.I wasn't going to let that happen.I wasn't gonna let that happen.We all knew Barron's organized it.He flaunted it in our faces.But we couldn't prove it.Oh, you gotta have proof, don't you?Yeah, you gotta have proof.Three long years I haunted every studio in New York.Break came finally when somebody fingered Hoffman.See, Barrons was using Hoffman to smuggle the stolen money out of the country parcels.Building up a Euro dollar account somewhere.But how?Who could make regular trips to Europe, 20 or 30 a year without attracting attention?Simple, wasn't it?

Huh?

Sure.Somebody on the crew of a regular flight to Europe.Somebody like a stewardess.Mister.Mister.I have been dogging your tracks for five years now.Everybody else gave up, but I wouldn't.No, I wasn't about to.

Oh my God.Side note, if the drowsy chaperone had been around back then, she would have been so good in that.In that show.

Yeah, I'm sure she could sing.I bet she could sing.

She seems like she could Sing so good.Because she's playing that character.Basically.Yeah.

When my shocking, shocking TV moments was when Hugh o' Brien has the gun on Fernando.He said, look at you sweating.Look at the sweat pouring down your face.Lick your own juice.Taste it.

Oh, you're sweating Mr. Barron's.Oh, I like that.Yeah, that's nice.Go on, lick your own juice.Taste, taste it.

Go on.

I want you to taste.

that Was weird.

It was a weird line, weird moment, weird uncomfortable moment.Like, I don't like that.I don't like that.I would have preferred that.I would have preferred that with the old couple downstairs.Cuz at certain point she's like.She goes, charlie, Charlie, if we survive this, we should spend the weekend together.

Where you can lick your own juice.

Well, that's what I was going to say with the subtext is, Charlie, if we survive this, you are going to eat this all.Wrink the pussy out.You could eat it out.I survived the holocaust.I am not dying without getting the pussy out.One more time.This.

Oh, my God.Patrick.Oh, my God.Okay, we have to quit recording because.

Snatch Eater.Snatch Eater.Eat me some snacks.

Oh, my God.

It's all right.It's all right.So this all ending, chaos.One of the things that I thought was really surprising, considering it's a TV movie.Hugh o' Brien gets set on fire through a large series on fire.

I went through the cruise hand luggage and the storage hatch down below.The last shipment of the stolen money, about $60,000, was in Vera Franklin's bag.Case closed.The justices done.You see, Mr. Barons,

nobody's laughing now.The jury's in and you know the verdict.Myerson, listen to me.The passengers, their lives are our responsibility.It's our job.Remember, we're the professionals.I'm sorry.I'm really sorry, but I have waited so long for this.

It's a great burn effect.It is.It's a really good burn.And it's a long burn effect.

Much longer than it needs to be for how uninjured he is the rest of the movie.His coat was singed.That was it.

He's 100% fine.

Fine.

He's walking off the plane and in custody at the end.Fine.

Just his brown coat is singed.

He's got some smudge on his face.This man was engulfed in flames.And this was seven.This is 70s material.That shit was flammable as fuck.He should be a cinder, but my God.I guess that's what smoke.I mean, his hair, even the wig didn't Melt.Nothing.Nothing.

Thing you are.You've got a.A, A vendetta against toupees, don't you?

I'm not.They're glorious.It's just.I just love how shameless they are and how I didn't notice them back in the day but now I'm just like, look at the three.

Just.

Well, I didn't notice they were toupees at all.I need to go back and rewatch just the hair.

You're not accustomed.You're not accustomed to how this show runs.

Oh my God.But, but shots are fired.The isn't injured at all.Except there's a fire on the plane which nobody seems to really care that much about that the bar has been set aflame and now the detective is on fire.

Oh no.The patio furniture melted.Oh no.The patio furniture that we had in the attic.

Weird.

Non plused.Non plussed.

All very nonchalant.Nonchalant.And everyone goes back down to their seats.They're fine.They've just witnessed Fernando Lamas die and they know there's been two other deaths.

What's the connection?Why?Why, why?Why did the detective want to kill.What's the point?Why?

Because Fernando Lamas got away with it.As he mentioned earlier to Polly Bergen, I.There was no evidence.

That is true.That is part of it.Part of it was that as you said it was all it's all about, Lorna, is like when the.When justice.When justice collapses, the jungle takes over.

I fully expected.

Died.The security guard that died.Died was.They never said it, but I'm assuming father.But however they left it open.So I'm going to go.

That's what I felt too.I thought it was a father too.And they never said it.

I want you to know how that guard must have felt five years ago before he was blown in half.You don't even remember his name, do you?Oh, you should have remembered his name.He was quite a man.Man.Seven years older than I was.Yeah, he was quite a man.His name was Myerson too.

He was my boyfriend.

He was my boyfriend.So the plane lands and.And okay.Did you catch Polly Bergen's lines as she was leaving the airport?

No.Refresh me.

Okay.So she's like, okay, I want.I want.She wants permission to use their.Their characters because obviously she' to turn this into her next book.Right.

Right.She was getting.I think.Yeah, I'll play the audio from it.But she.I think she wanted releases from everybody on the plane.

Are you taking care of a luggage Good.Get clearances from the passengers.Stop.Expect first draft in three weeks.Stop.Arrange immediate hard cover and paperback Mona Briley's new thriller, murder on Flight 502.Stop.Am I going too fast?

Yes.Girl just working.Three people have died and you just.You're gonna get a book out of it.

You have been drinking non stop for six hours.And you are you top of your game.You are thriving.You are a functional alcoholic.

Oh, it was so good.I just started cackling.I was laughing so hard like this is the cherry on top of the.Of her character Sunday.I loved it.And so then the captain and the detective.

Hold on, there's one more twist.

Oh, I did not see coming.And they set it up so nice that.What's her name again?

Brooke Adams.

Brooke Adams.Brooke Adams.And I said that I. I saw it earlier.The.She did not have that cash in her suitcase.So obviously it must have been.

I don't know if we say.I don't know if we made this clear earlier in the movie when she was getting on with the way they established that she clumsy.She trips, she falls.Her suitcase falls open and oh my gosh, I'm so clumsy.You know, look, everybody's so my panties.

And go back and they put it all back together.But the cash was not in that suitcase.So obviously somebody had to have planted it.Somebody who was the stewardess who was doing the smuggling on all these flights.Well, there's only two stewardesses.It Stewart.

Stewart.

I steward high.So obviously it was fair if I sweet Farrah Fawcett got her colleague killed.And now.And we all knew it was going to be last flight.And now Robert Seck is like, yes, this is your last flight.

It's a lousy world, isn't it, Karen?Poor clumsy little Vera.

Yeah.How do you suppose she got mixed up in something like this?

Easy, I guess.Somebody was smuggling the money for Hoffman when he was killed.They panicked and put the money in Vera's suitcase.

What do you mean?

Myerson killed the wrong stewardess, didn't he?Both you and I know Vera didn't have that money.When she came on board, she spilled her bag, remember?You helped her put her things back.There was no money then.No money until you panicked and transferred it from your bag.You're right about one thing.This is your last fight.Goodbye, Karen.

And obviously I'm keeping my mouth shut.I'm not going to betray you.But.

That's what I thought was interesting too.Like, did he turn her in or did he not turn her in.She's not walking away in cs.

I didn't feel like he actually.I also felt like, you know what?

We.We never.We never liked that she was clumsy.She.

She was a brunette.

And.

And yeah.

And she had a Dorothy Hamill hairdo.No, the airline is better off without her.

I actually, it will be.

It was his first unsolved mystery.

I believe the first draft had him pulling out the gun on her and then went, oh, no, he's too.He's too.By the book.He wouldn't do that.But yeah, it's just.He lets her get away with it.She's going to.She's obviously got to cut the money because she doesn't need to be a working girl anymore.She's going to get married and have a villa in the south of France and.And probably go to lunch.Wear a hat.

Does anyone still wear a hat?

Thank you.And so our final shot.

And one for Charlie.

And so our final shot is the captain and the detective in cuffs with his slightly singed coat walking perfectly down and he pulls his Anthony Perkins moment where now we see how just unhinged he is.

Sure that you understand the necessity for my actions.It's our sworn duty to protect and secure the public for the times.Times, as in my case, normal procedure fails.We must use our own initiative.We accept responsibility.That's why people like us are given the authority.I'm sure you agree that to allow those three to profit from their own crime would have been wrong.Totally wrong.Consequently, I took action.But once I.Once I explained to my superior officers, once I explained these situations, my solution after the departmental inquiry, that standard procedure, after all the paperwork's in, I'll probably receive other citation.I've gotten three in the past 22 years.Oh, and I'm going to commend you too, Captain.God knows you did a fine job.Yes, sir, Fine job.

It was hinted at in the lounge, but now we see that.Oh no, this.This dude's batshit crazy.

Yeah.He's walking off like he's the hero.

Right.I've saved the day and does everything but that.That Anthony Perkins look into the camera.

And the whole time I'm just going, robert Stack, punch him in the dick.

Right.

Punch him in the dick.That's what this movie was with the dick punch.

But I.Overall, I liked it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My favorite exit line was.Was Molly Picon.They'll think we're swingers.

Do you think it's kosher sharing a room?

We can get the Best in every hotel in Europe.

What will people say?

They'll call us swingers.

They're gonna shack up the weekend.They're gonna think we're swingers.

Put a pineapple on that door, girl.

Put a pineapple in my.Am I wrinkly old pussy and then eat it out.

Dusty, use the pineapple juice for lube.

It'll make your cum taste better anyway.It will.Well, it does.It does.

1.They could use the oil from the lamp from the menorah lamps for lube.

It will never run out.Eight days of Lube.Oh, my gosh.

We have a new movie, ladies and gentlemen.Eight Days of Lube.

Hanukkah.Now that we've offended everybody.We offended everybody.

All right.

I think we've done this movie.I don't know what I mean.It's not action packed.It's talky as fuck.But if you like this sort of thing, you'll have a good time because it's packed with all your favorite people doing their job really well.Everybody turns in a perfectly good performance for what this nonsense is.

I loved it.I wish I had had more hints as to who the killer was going to be.Yeah, because you.You never saw the detective gone the same time you saw the murders.So that's why I thought it was a stowaway, because, like, they haven't hinted at anything.And I didn't know.I didn't know your trope, that it's got to be one of the two good guys.That's good.I'll have to remember that.

It's not a trope.It's just.I felt it.I felt that there was that rivalry between the two of them that I'm like.And there's nobody else.And I. I noticed, like, he's had free reign this whole time.He's walking around.

Yeah, it's true, in a way.

And then nobody's noticing because he's supposed to be walk.

Walking around.

And then, you know, okay, for me, the fact that he didn't handcuff the husband after the assault, I felt, oh, are you a real.Once I started putting them.But then that's just.Probably just the movie.No, we're gonna.We're not gonna handcuff somebody for handcuffs.

Are you crazy?We have Sonny Bono and Farrah Fawcett in this movie.We can't afford them.

But I loved for me, the fact that I understood the.The final twist.Although, I mean, I understood what was going to happen, but I didn't understand.I like that was that's a good twist.I like that.

Yeah, you caught the clue.My favorite thing.One of the things that just shocked me and it.It's exaggerated in this film.You could drive a truck down the aisle on this plane.There is so much room on this plane, which, granted there was back in the day.I mean, you could walk around on a plane, and there was.You actually had leg room because they didn't pack you in like cattle back in the day.But it was fun to see that.But this is an.This is an insane amount of space on plan.There's no overhead compartments.

No, none.None.I meant to go back and double check.Was there anybody in first class that wasn't a star?

I think, like, extras.

Yeah, I don't think there are.

I mean, there must be.I think.

No, I don't think there was either.

No, I don't think there was either.Extras.We got to pay extras.Are you crazy?No, not like that.Because those extras would get paid a lot because they'd have to be there all the time.Yeah, because it's one location.

Yeah, it was.It was good for.Especially for 96 minutes of my life.I didn't hate it.I liked it.

The murder was the least interesting thing.

It really was.

The investigation of.It was fun.But the actual murder plot, I was.

Like, eh, no blood, nothing.It's strangulation.

Well, no, no, that was never gonna happen.That was never gonna happen.Not in a TV75.

No, no, no.

You're crazy.

But, yeah.Thank you for inviting me to watch this wonderful flight.You're welcome.You're welcome.

And for flying this plane with me.All right, so I don't think I have any final thoughts, but this one.This is.There's not a lot of substance here.You know what did get me a little bit?

What?

Something about the scene where the whole thing with Sonny Bono is that that couple, their daughter overdosed in his bed, even though apparently he wasn't there.Whatever.The wife is like, listen, Sonny Bono.Could you just talk to him?After the whole stabbing happened?

What can I say to him?

Anything but the truth.I knew my daughter.Ray didn't.Look, your daughter dated a couple guys in the band.She was.I know what she was.But Ray only has a memory of her.Please help him.

You didn't know my daughter, but neither did he.He thinks he does, but could you just lie to him?

I'm really sorry.I'm really sorry about your daughter.I. I wish there was something I could say to you to make you feel better.I.

She talked about you all the time.Played your records all the time.The way when she ran away, I knew where she was going.

Yeah, well, see, she met one of the guys in my band and he brought her to my place.Honest, I never knew.I never met her.Except, you know what?Everybody said she was a real nice person.

How does she get mixed up in drugs?

It just happens, Mr. Cowell.Kids want to be part of something today, you know, they'll do anything to be part of something.They meet the wrong people, they get in the wrong hands.It just happens.

How do you stop them?

I don't think enough people try.You know what you tried, Mr. Garwood?You really tried.

She.

She talked to Ray and she.She'd tell Ray how hard you tried and how good you were to her.She really did.

She said that?

Yeah.And Mrs. Garwood, she talked about how.How you both loved her.

She said that?

She did.She.She really loved you a lot.She thought about you all the time.

And when he just went over, he's like, listen, sorry this happened.I really didn't know her, but from.

What I heard, she was a great girl.

Everybody loved it.She's.And they all said that she talked about you all the time.About how much she loved you.There was something about that lie and how it worked on the father.All that thing that this guy is so upset was going to murder somebody about a girl he barely barely knew.He's new veteran concept.New as a concept.Maybe I'm projecting.I projected my own dad onto that.How about that?That's my own personal trauma right here on Flight 1121.

I'll drink to that.

I'll drink to that.Daddy issues piloting.Well, Scott, we managed to make it back to the airport with nobody getting murdered on our flight.

What's that behind you?What's that behind you, Patrick?

I have a camera.I can see what's behind me.Nice try.My cat's behind me somewhere.

My cat.

She will kill me someday.

Yeah.

So I know you don't do a show now, but where can people find you if they want to find out more about Scotts of Satyr or follow you on social media, that kind of thing.

On the Instagrams, I'm Sator60 and that's about really all that I have.

There's a song cue there and I didn't find it fast enough.So we just gotta move on.

Sure.

Thank you for flying with me, Scott.I hope to do it again really soon.Attention passengers, we have safely returned to the present day.I hope that you've enjoyed your visit to the past, and all of us here at Polyester Airlines look forward to when you fly with us again.Until then, stay safe, stay healthy, but most of all, stay funky.

Sam.