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The "We Hate Uncle Lewis Club" is back in session for another deep dive into FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES as we discuss Season One Episode Seven: "Doctor Jack".
In "Doctor Jack", the crew discovers that an internationally renowned surgeon (played by Cliff Gorman, "The Boys in the Band") is using a scalpel that once belonged to Jack the Ripper. While he may never lose a patient, he's leaving a trail of slashed corpses behind wherever he goes, and it looks like Jack might be his next victim.
You can expect:
- Horrible Hospital Administration!
- Chekhov's Gun Lady!
- Skippy the Skater!
- Truly ENORMOUS Micki Hair!
- Hideous Ryan Sweaters!
- The Birth of Lucy Bender!
- Caustic Commentary from Patrick, Maya and Trae!
Mentioned in this episode:
Network Plug with music
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
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Patrick
Hi, everybody. Before we start the show, I just wanted to let you know a few quick things.This episode had some things going on with it because there were things going on at the time.What you should know is that episode, this episode that you're hearing right now is completely been redone from scratch from the episode that first aired on Patreon because there were a lot of sound issues.What was happening at the time is I just started using Audacity as a sound editor and I was still figuring it out, and things were choppy, things were sloppy, things were not great because it was a learning process. It took me longer than usual to put the episode together, so I didn't insert the sound clips from the show like I normally do, which.Which of course are going to be happening for you now for consistency purposes.The other thing you might realize that we're all kind of snippy with each other and we sound like we're overcompensating for something, because we are. Because this episode was the first episode that we recorded after lockdown. Shut down. Yes. That's how long ago we've been recording these shows.
Patrick
That's how long we've been recording Damn You Uncle Lewis. Been a very long time.
Patrick
But you can hear the stress in our voices.
Patrick
I edited out the worst of it when things got really bad.
Patrick
But if you notice that we're a little tense and on edge. That's why. So please be forgiving and enjoy the show. Oh, hello. Come in, come in, come in. Do come in out of the terrible weather. Oh, welcome.Welcome to my very curious curio shop. Although I hate to inform you, the shop is closed for tonight because there's a. Well, it's a rather special evening.
Patrick
It's our monthly meeting of sorts.
Patrick
So unless you're here for the meeting, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. The nature of the meeting, you ask. Let me put it to you this way. Sometimes Uncle Louis does dreadful things.
Patrick
Welcome to Damn you, Uncle Lewis, the Friday the 13th, the series retrospective podcast.All right, ladies and gentlemen, boys and Girls and my GNCs, wherever you may be, the shop is once again open, and we are here to throw some shade on Uncle Lewis.And when I say we, I say me and my two most fabulous shopkeepers, Bad hospital administration and Chekhov's gun lady, otherwise known as Trae Dean and Maya Murphy.
Maya
Hello.
Trae
Hey, how you doing?
Patrick
I'm fine.
Patrick W.
You know, shit's going bad in the world right now. But you know what? Uncle Lewis did some more shit. What has he been up to this week, guys.
Trae
Fucking up hospitals is what he's been doing.
Maya
Yeah, fucking up hospitals. Getting Rando stabbed, stabbed, cut up in bits. Use your imagination.
Trae
It's not safe to be a skater or a rose seller or a flower salesman.
Maya
Yeah, you know those sketchy late night flower salesmen just coming around a dark corner. Hey, Mac. Hey, Mac, you want a whole floral arrangement?
Patrick W.
I'm in an alley where nobody comes anyway. All right, the episode we're talking about is episode season one, number seven, otherwise known as Dr. Jack.
Patrick
Okay? Dr. Jack was directed by Richard Freeman. Richard Freeman, we met last time. He directed the Great Montaro.He also directed Phantom of Them all and Project. His most recent project is a movie called Thou Shalt Not Kill. So still working. And the episode was written by Mark Scott ZicreeNow, I know a lot of you.
Patrick W.
Who are sci fi fans have been.
Patrick
Screaming at us, like, why don't you mention his Mike Scott Zicree? Why don't you mention that he's a brilliant sci fi writer?
Patrick W.
We didn't know when we recorded this.
Patrick
We didn't know at the time.
Patrick W.
We didn't do this kind of research back then.
Patrick
But now we know who's a super.
Patrick W.
Famous sci fi writer.
Patrick
He did four episodes of Friday the 13th, the series Tales of the Undead, Scarecrow, which is the episode, I believe.
Patrick W.
We figure out how super famous Mark.
Patrick
Scott Zicree is and what a blessing.
Patrick W.
It was that he wrote for the show at all.
Patrick
And finally the episode Dr. Jack. Most recently he's working on a show.
Patrick W.
Called Space Commander, which I mean, he had problems with. I'm like, there's two Jacks in the show. I'm confused already.
Maya
Dr. Jack. But then like every time a character doesn't know another character's name in this episode, their name is Mac. Every time it happens.And I'm like, writers, get your shit together. Other names exist.
Trae
Oh, the writers. I'm going to talk about the writers here in a little bit.
Maya
Great, let's do that.
Patrick W.
So what, pray tell, what is the object du jour?
Maya
It's Jack the Ripper's scalpel.
Trae
A very weird looking triangular head shaped scalpel.
Maya
Yeah, it's definitely an X acto knife. It is not a scalpel.
Patrick W.
It's an X acto knife that apparently will heal. It's one of those good curse, bad curse things. Like it has an upside down side. It will heal anyone that you perform surgery on it with.Whatever the condition the problem is, you have to kill people. And it probably also apparently never needs to be sterilized.
Maya
Never Needs to be sterilized. Lives in a little velvet case that.
Patrick W.
He brought it in to do surgery and just put it on his head. No, no, but it also. Hospital administration's right there. Like, the enclave is right there. The enclave is on camera.
Maya
The scalpel has other powers, though. Can cut through, like any. Any substance imaginable. We see it cut through iron bars. We see it cut a gun in.
Patrick W.
Half, and it can still slice a tomato like this.
Maya
Yeah, but wait, there's more.
Patrick W.
It slices, it dices. It also makes Julianne Moore.Fries.
Trae
But it doesn't have a low charge indicator, so you don't know. Like, how did he know when it was needed to be refilled?
Patrick W.
Oh, it's the lady die condition. It's the lady die disease.
Maya
This episode is so frustrating because, like, we just make up the rules for the cursed object and no one questions them. And the bad guy doesn't verify. Verify them. But Jack just decides, oh, maybe it has to be charged like a battery. And.And Robey is just like, yeah, that makes sense.
Patrick W.
And we are. That's because we have a new category of things to look out for in these shows. Every episode. Jack splitting.
Trae
Well, it's good because it wasn't a lot on there. I'm looking for American stuff. I couldn't find anything.
Patrick W.
Oh, there's there.
Patrick
We'll get there.
Patrick W.
It's deeply. It's there. We'll get there. It gets it. I decided that in the beginning, at the very beginning of this episode, this.This poor flower seller in an alley is murdered. And it's in the paper. And Jack said something about, you know, oh, they. They all go down. They all go down the. The thingy, the whole routine.We'll get into all this. But they finally realize that it's the scalpel that belonged to Jack the Ripper. And Jack the Ripper has to explain. I mean, Jack.Jack Marshak has to explain.
Maya
I can't do it. Too many Jacks.
Patrick W.
No but he has to explain Jack the Ripper to these two idiots. They've never heard of Jack the Ripper.
Micki
Wait a minute.
Micki
Here's a note.
Jack
Legend has it that the aforementioned item may once have been the scalpel of Jack the Ripper.
Jack
In the summer of 1888, he sliced the throats of at least five victims in London. No one who ever saw him at work lived to tell of it.
Trae
Cause apparently he was known for slitting throats.
Patrick W.
Come on.
Trae
Cause Jack the Ripper slit the throat of everyone he killed.
Maya
So frustrating. As the owner and operator of a uterus first of all, I'd like to talk about. One of the reasons we suspected OG Jack the Ripper was a doctor.Is that he knew what he was looking for. He cut out urus uteruses of sex workers. Like throats. Throats is not the issue here.
Trae
Nope.
Patrick W.
I know, but that's. Yeah, I know, I know, but that was the palatable thing you could do on tv. Palatable? Killing people is much easier.Taking out their foo foos or something else.
Patrick W.
Clearly, Jack the Ripper was not Rocky Flintstone if you knew the female anatomy.
Maya
What?
Trae
Belinda blinked.
Patrick W.
Rocky Flintstone is. The guy is the dad who wrote the porno. And my dad wrote a porno.
Maya
Okay.
Trae
The guy's dad writes really bad porno under his screenname.
Maya
I'm aware of the podcast. I just haven't. Haven't gotten into it yet.
Trae
It's. It's fun. It's very strange.
Maya
I only hear good things.
Patrick W.
Supposed to see them live at Radio City Music hall on Friday. Am I bitter?
Trae
Absolutely.
Maya
Yeah. And I was supposed to see Ali Wong, but you know, we're all suffering right now.
Trae
Yeah. Times are hard.
Maya
Times is hard.
Patrick W.
Where are we? Okay, so let's go back to the top of the show. Top of the show. We're in a creepy alley that might be Victorian until it's not.
Maya
And we're watching the footsteps of a man wearing a long cape. And we're like, danger.
Patrick W.
As you put it last week when Maya thought we were covering that episode when Her Name Was Murder. Trenchcoat.
Maya
I got my numbers mixed up. I'm not good at that.
Patrick W.
No, I wasn't picking on your. But I love that your neighbor's wearing a trench coat.There's no reason to be wearing a trench coat like that unless you're going out to murder people.
Maya
Purpose. Purpose built.
Trae
Well, and I love the dialogue that this flower guy is having with a guy because he's yelling, because he's like, I don't make change. What do you think I am? The bank? First National?
Maya
First National Bank. And I'm like, the United States doesn't have a First National Bank.
Trae
And what kind of salesman only takes exact change when they sell flowers?
Patrick W.
I think the guy just wanted to break a 20.
Flower Guy
What's that, a $20 bill?
Flower Guy
Yeah.
Flower Guy
Can't you break it? I don't change. Get out of here. What do I look like, the First National Bank?
Maya
Yeah. Someone before him wanted to break a 20. And then our.
Patrick W.
And that's what that was
Maya
Our Murder Doctor tried to give him like a hundred bucks and he Was like, oh, I'll make you a whole arrangement. Then the hundred dollar bill goes flying out of the florist's hands because.
Patrick W.
Because the scalpel can also control the wind.
Maya
Yeah, magic scalpel. So then he goes to go get the hundred dollars, and he gets brutally stabbed with a tiny exacto blade. And then there's witnesses, several people see.
Trae
The stabbing happen to a goddamn thing.
Flower Guy
Hey, Mac, how about some flowers for the missus?
Flower Guy
For that, you get a whole arrangement.
Flower Guy
Oh, no, I'll get it. I'll get it. Here you go.
Maya
And then to escape, the murder, doctor uses the magic scalpel to cut through several sets of iron bars and just escape through them and run away into the night.
Patrick W.
You know, had Jack had that a few episodes ago when that magic put him in that helicopter.
Trae
Yeah, but you will see him kill the person, but don't do anything other than just like, look, there he is. And he runs down the alleyway, and the people are still looking at him. And he cuts through one set of bars.People are still looking at him, not doing anything. They cut to the second set of bars. People are still looking at him.
Maya
What are you going to do? Pursue the guy? Cutting through iron bars effortlessly like you're going to follow that guy.
Trae
You can at least try.
Maya
No, no, I'm not trying. I will get stabbed. I don't want to.
Patrick W.
Trae. I've decided it's a Canadian disease. Okay, the standard by disease. Remember Mary? Hello, Mary Lou. Prom night 2They all just stood there and watch her burn. Nobody did anything.
Trae
Well, that's because Mary Lou.
Ryan
Ah.
Patrick W.
She's on fire.
Maya
Ah.
Patrick W.
Oh, God. We should do something. I don't know what to do. Ah, we're extras. Nobody gave us any direction.
Trae
She should have been. Problem coin. So it was his natural selection of prom queens.
Maya
We go back to the store, and then Jack has to explain who Jack the ripper was.
Jack
Item 39721. Surgical scalpel. Ivory and silver handle, late 19th century. That's a precision instrument designed for one purpose. To slice up human beings.
Micki
But not solid iron bars.
Ryan
All the eyewitnesses agreed it was a small knife. That's what makes it so incredible.
Micki
Now, that's a long shot.
Ryan
It's still worth checking out who bought it anyway?
Micki
Wait a minute.
Maya
Here's a note.
Jack
Legend has it that the aforementioned item may once have been the scalpel of Jack the Ripper.
Jack
In the summer of 1888, he sliced the throats of at least five victims in London. No one who ever saw him at work lived to Tell on it.
Trae
Oh, but first I have a note. Micki, hair.
Maya
Micki's hair is so good this episode. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Patrick W.
Yeah. Time out. Normally do fashion at the end. Micki is on point this. This whole episode. She looks fantastic. Not outrageous. She looks fantastic.
Maya
The hair is so big.
Patrick W.
I mean, the hair is huge, but the hair's always huge. It's got a huge bow tying it down, and it's still huge.
Trae
And she's kind of monochromatic, but it looks good. Kind of brownish.
Maya
Yeah, brown. Brown with a peplum.
Trae
And even Ryan doesn't look too bad. He's wearing, like.
Maya
No, Ryan. We're not dressing Ryan like a teenager anymore, which is nice.
Patrick W.
No. Big to differ. Big to differ. Ryan was in that hideous tan sweater, wearing tan pants.
Maya
He was like this scene, like, typical street man. I. I think I'm dressing up. I'm doing it right. This is me. I did it.
Patrick W.
But that sweater was hideous. I was like, okay, what are those things on there?
Trae
At the very end? He was dressed like Ward Cleaver. The very end was terrible.
Patrick W.
They switched at the end because she was dressed like an.
Trae
He was wearing tennis shoes with the whole thing. That looked kind of silly, but that was the time.
Patrick W.
No, he's got these weird blobs on the sweater. Are they geese?
Trae
Oh, yeah, I noticed that.
Patrick W.
Yeah. Are they dinosaurs? What the Are those?
Maya
I'm not so offended by the sweater. I did not notice any of this.
Patrick W.
Well, it didn't fit. Then again, it was the 80s.
Trae
It looks better relative to what he's been wearing before. So it's all on a scale?
Maya
Yeah, on a sliding scale. I'll give it that.
Trae
I'm creating a huge curve.
Patrick W.
We realize that. You know, it sounds familiar. Oh, it sounds familiar. That. Oh, that scalpel that can cut through metal, where this sounds like something with.That's one of ours. And they're going through the book, and nothing else matches but this scalpel. And like, oh, it belongs to doctor. It belongs to Dr. Howard. Dr. Howard.
Jack
No, no, no.
Maya
That's not what happened. It got sold to some thug, right? Yeah, it got sold to a thug who pawned it because that's how we end up at Jim's Knives.
Trae
Oh, okay.
Patrick W.
But before we do, Robey has to find yet another convenient note written next to the item that explains what?
Maya
Well, if it went for these notes, I just don't know what we would do.
Patrick W.
I've never heard of Jack the.
Trae
Who's Jack, though?
Maya
Jack.
Patrick W.
Do you mean Jack Tripper?
Maya
Stop. Stop that.
Patrick W.
Jack T. Ripper. Jack Tripper was Jack the Ripper. I just solved this.
Maya
Don't. Don't fall out of your chair there, Patrick. Little worried about you.
Patrick W.
It's a chaise lounge, my darling. I can't fall out of it. I can just reply and all the way back. All right, who do you think you're dealing with?
Maya
A professional. My bad. So we find out that the person they sold the scalpel to is behind bars for assault. But he pawned the knife. So then we go to Jim's knives.
Trae
Okay, I want to spend the next hour talking about this segment.
Maya
I want to talk about Jim's accent.
Patrick W.
Hold on. The guy is on parole. The guy who the knife was sold to is on parole for armed assault. He's on parole and he owns a knife store? No.
Trae
Well, we know he's tough the minute you see him because he's wearing just a vest with an eagle on it and he has a long dangly earring and earrings. In the 80s on men meant you were either gay or a thug.
Maya
Yeah, why not both? Why not both? Have you seen Jim?
Patrick W.
It's both. Because Jack has incriminating negatives.
Trae
No, no, no, no, no, no. When we get there, I've got things to say.
Maya
All right, what you got, Drake?
Patrick W.
Oh, third of wise scene was like.
Trae
Written by some college student who was trying to do a dramatic one act play. So they're trying to find who he sold the knife to and he's like, I don't know, my memory is not so good. I. I got kind of bad memory.And Jack's like, oh, this help? And I got these negatives of you from 1979.
Patrick W.
Can I help you?
Ryan
Uh, maybe. We're looking for a knife.
Knife Store Jim
You came to the right place. What kind of knives?
Micki
Oh, antique knives.
Knife Store Jim
You come to the wrong place. All I got are household knives, work knives, camping knives.
Micki
What about scalpels?
Knife Store Jim
Oh, I look like a medical supply house.
Jack
It looks like you've got really quite an extensive collection here.
Knife Store Jim
Yeah, I get by.
Micki
You wouldn't have heard anything about a Victorian scalpel, say, circa 1888?
Knife Store Jim
You want to buy something, Mac, or you just want to waste my time?
Jack
You have quite a way of dealing with people.
Ryan
Look, look, I've got a friend, he owns an antique shop, and he said you bought an antique scalpel.
Knife Store Jim
Yeah, well, if I did, I don't remember. Besides, I got receipts for everything in this place. There's nothing here that's hot if that's what you're driving at.
Maya
This is it. This is just the scalpel we were looking for Impossible.
Knife Store Jim
I sold it.
Jack
Who did you sell it to?
Knife Store Jim
Hey, what do I look like, information?
Jack
Look, you said you've got receipts for everything.
Knife Store Jim
Did I? Funny, I just lost my memory.
Jack
Well, maybe this will refresh it. Some negatives from 1979 wouldn't sit too well with your parole board. Need I say more?
Knife Store Jim
Where did you get those?
Jack
Funny, I just lost my memory.
Knife Store Jim
Look, mister, I run a legit business here.
Jack
Nobody ever said you didn't.
Knife Store Jim
My customers, they would like to remain anonymous.
Ryan
Well, wouldn't tell a soul.
Knife Store Jim
Well, I did sell a scalpel about two years ago to a doctor.
Micki
Remember who?
Knife Store Jim
Of course I remember who. Dr. Howlett.
Jack
The Dr. Howlett.
Knife Store Jim
Listen, you didn't hear nothing from me.
Maya
And he's like, no, no.
Trae
Okay?
Patrick W.
Not 1979. No.
Trae
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay, this show, you have to swallow a lot of coincidences and a lot of stupid happening to make the story go by.But we're supposed to believe that we're going to a knife store with a guy, an owner that we haven't talked about, they don't know anything about, but Jack has gone and found the physical negatives from eight years earlier to blackmail him.
Maya
Okay, we go over that at the end of the scene, though.
Patrick W.
He covers that in the next scene. My ex.
Trae
Oh, did he?
Maya
Yeah, he says when they walk out of the store, he says, oh, yeah, you pick up any year these negatives are from you two going to the zoo with the chimps.
Trae
Oh, God damn it. I missed that.
Micki
The only thing I want to know.
Micki
Is where did you get those negatives?
Jack
At the zoo. There of you and Ryan at the monkey cage. See, chances are, a guy like Morgan, any year you pick, he's liable to be hiding something.
Micki
Well, sure worked.
Jack
But of course,.
Patrick W.
Any year with those kids. But yeah, Maya is absolutely correct. But what he said was they're from the zoo and they're like what he's like.And he has this little giggle on his face because they're actually pictures of you and Ryan at the monkey cage.
Trae
I think I was writing my notes of righteous indignation.
Patrick W.
I'm just picturing the monkey. The monkey cage could be the name of a sex club. So could you do our knife store.
Patrick
Guys played by an actor named Michael Copeman. Michael Copeman, very prolific actor. He primarily Canadian TV, but over 100 credits still working.Most recently he was just on Murdoch Mysteries and on a something called When Hope Called. But previously to that he'd been on Star Trek Discovery, the TV show Fargo and David Croberg's the Fly.He was super interesting and I wish we had more of him, but this was his Only Friday the 13th the series.
Trae
But the writing is still really good because this guy is surly from the word.
Maya
Oh yeah.
Patrick W.
What I thought was great, they walk in and they're like, is, we're looking for knives.
Maya
An antique scalpel.
Patrick W.
We know, we know. The guy's like, ah, yeah, well, we came to the right place. She's an antique scalpel. Well, you've come to the wrong place.Like, well, you've got all kinds of. He's like, oh, yeah, I got all kinds of knives. I got work knives. I've got hunting knives. I've got cat knives.I've got a novelty sized Swiss army knife.
Maya
Got, I got this shelf full of cleavers over here.
Trae
Cleavers.
Patrick W.
That was the gigantic, just giant Swiss army for like King. I know.
Trae
And I think it has to be a Friday the 13th movie reference because they had a huge machete front and center in the foreground facing the cashier.
Patrick W.
Yeah, laid to the cashier.
Trae
And the prop work was pretty amazing with everyone picking up a knife and like playing with it or the knife.
Patrick W.
Clearly not buying anything. You do not funnel all the goddamn merchandise. Thank you.
Maya
Oh, no. If I was in a knife store, I'd want to play with all of them. I, I, I can't fault anyone for that.
Patrick W.
Yeah, but, yeah, but they, but they've already been a pain in the ass the second they walk in. If I was a shop, you'll be like, put it down.
Maya
You, you haven't bought that yet. All of these are pointy.
Patrick W.
This old man is threatening me with negatives. Y' all are walking around picking up everything in sight. Y' all shoplifting something. He's distracting me.
Trae
And then Jack, like, does like a Mike Brady level of trickery to get him to admit that he sold the knife to someone. He's like, oh, someone said that he sold it somewhere else. And the owner's like, no, I sold it to him.
Maya
Or no, Micki. Micki is like, oh, here's the scalpel we need. And he's like, no, I sold that.
Patrick W.
Oh, that's right.
Maya
The word for those meddling kids.
Patrick W.
No knife store owner is a match for Lucy. Bender will come back to her.
Maya
Oh, man. Yeah, yeah.
Patrick W.
She hasn't arrived yet, but yeah. So they, they get, they, they find out that the knife was. So he sold. I sold it to Dr. Hallett.
Maya
Of course.
Patrick W.
Jack's like, Dr. Howlett.
Maya
Dun, dun.
Flower Guy
How to.
Patrick W.
Jacksplain! jacksplain!
Jack
They call this Dr. Howlett, the miracle man. He's been on the cover of all the news magazines, all the major talk shows. He's turned surgery into an art, not to mention a big business.He takes all the most hopeless cases and then he cures them.
Trae
Before you had the Internet, you had Jack Marshack.
Patrick W.
Ask Jack.
Maya
He knows everything.
Patrick W.
It'll take four hours, but ask Jack. He'll probably do it in 15 accents in two weeks.Then Jack goes on to explain that Dr. Hallett is the super famous surgeon that you know is performing all these miracle cures, doing surgeries on hopeless cases. He's been on the TV all the. On every channel. He's been on every news station. He's been every magazine.Then why do I have to explain it to these assholes again? Why don't they know already?
Trae
Exactly.
Maya
They don't consume media, I guess. They don't read. They don't watch the news.
Patrick W.
Well, once Lady Di went off the air, we didn't know what to do.
Maya
Yeah, without that heavy metal cover of I'm a Little Teapot, what, What would we.
Trae
Well, it's like a doctor just doing his job apparently is front page news in this town.
Maya
He doesn't lose a single patient, though.
Trae
Not.
Maya
Not a one.
Trae
Not. Not one. Not a one. And he. He loves to hear himself.
Maya
Oh, my God. Yeah. And he's got that strong jawline.
Micki
But.
Patrick W.
But before we move. Before we move on at 6 minutes and 39 seconds. Jackcent.
Trae
What?
Maya
Oh, yes, yes, yes. He does one phrase in a. In a. French. In French.
Micki
Sure worked.
Jack
But Of course.
Trae
Dick has it in it.
Patrick W.
No reason for it. Except for Jackcent
Trae
Jackcent. He has it written in. He has to do a Jackcent once every episode. That's in his contract.
Maya
So when we open up in the hospital, Dr. Howlett is speaking in a surgery arena and he's giving this speech on. With great scalpel comes great responsibility. And it's like this total ego trip. I'm the God, doctor person.
Doctor Howlett
A man with a knife in his hand cuts open a second man from sternum to pubis. Is the man arrested? No. Why not? Because the man is a surgeon. That, ladies and gentlemen, is power, but it's responsibility as well.We must learn to do our job not only correctly, but.
Patrick W.
He's like, like talking to them. He's doing surgery. Like jerking off with his right is.
Maya
Like, oh, this man has been cut from here to here. Does the person get arrested? No, he's a surgeon. It's like, oh, my God.
Patrick
Bing bong Back to from the future here. This will come up again later in the show, but our villain, Dr. Howlett, is played by Cliff Gorman.Cliff Gorman was a very prolific stage and screen actor back in the 70s after making a huge hit in the 1970 film Boys in the Band. Actually, both the Broadway play and the movie Boys in the Band. You can also all that jazz and the movie Angel.You know, college student by day, hooker by night. We're going to get back to Cliff later because there's a tragic turn to his career. But it's not time for that yet. Bing bong. Back to the show.
Patrick W.
No, I realize it's a surgical theater. That is called a surgical theater. Do people applaud in a surgical theater here?
Maya
They do. Is that they do. Oh, yes, yes. And he's like, oh, you could.
Patrick W.
And then they do the surgery mega mix and the like glitter cannons.
Maya
You can close her up now. And he just like, leaves the other doctors to finish his patient.
Trae
It reminded me of what? Oh, from that. You think you're God. I am. You call me God. I am God.
Maya
I am God. Lightning shoes for my fingertips.
Trae
Yeah, Alec Baldwin's line he was doing. But yeah, he's got all these reporters. Hospital staff.
Maya
Yeah, there's a hospital staff. And the media and randos, I guess.
Patrick W.
Yeah, they're selling tickets as far as I know.
Trae
Seems about it.
Patrick W.
Is it? I'm sure. Is there a hot dog vendor?
Trae
And apparently this is like his first.
Patrick W.
Get your red hots. Get your red hots. And this is like his first analytic surgery.
Maya
You can't try to bring your actual observation right now. We're doing voices.
Trae
Yeah, but it's like his first day on the job.
Doctor Patricia
Also, of course, we've all heard of Dr. Howlett. His reputation has preceded him. But as head of surgery here, I for one didn't believe it.No one could live up to that reputation except a miracle man performing surgery on hopeless cases and never losing a single patient. So I was wrong. Dr. Howlett, welcome aboard. That was a hell of a debut.
Doctor Howlett
Thank you. I'm happy to be the newest member of Ravenbrook's illustrious faculty. As some of you may know, I began my career in medical school at this hospital.And I'm delighted if my talents can now help regild the somewhat tarnished institution.
Maya
Yeah, it's his first day on the job. And apparently he went to med school here. And the woman who's the head of medicine. Head of surgery. Patricia Price was his professor.And when he was a student, she was not impressed by him or his.
Trae
Methods, she throws him some massive shade.
Maya
No, I love the shade. I love the shade.
Patrick W.
I loved it, too.
Doctor Patricia
As your professor, I do remember you from med school. Given your performance there, I'm amazed that you ever qualified as a surgeon.
Doctor Howlett
My track record does speak for itself. And though I detect a note of jealousy.
Doctor Patricia
Jealous of what?
Doctor Howlett
My reputation, the admiration of my peers, the press I've been receiving.
Doctor Patricia
Let's make it perfectly clear, Vince. I do not approve of your showbiz approach to surgery.
Doctor Howlett
Like it or not, Patricia, it works.
Patrick W.
She ain't taking shit from it. She's like, she has to announce him to the press. She's like, he's wonderful and he's such an asset to the hospital.And she's like sitting at the beginning.
Trae
Like, I hate this, and then walking back, just turn him. She's like.She's like, I'm surprised that when, you know, when I had you, a student, I never would have thought you would have been a competent surgeon.
Maya
And he's like, what, are you jealous? Are you jealous of my accolades? My press?
Patrick W.
No, I. Wait, what did she say? Oh, what did she say? She had a great line about that.
Maya
Oh, you didn't memorize the whole episode?
Patrick W.
No, I didn't. No, she had a great line. It was just something about how she doesn't like his circus.
Trae
Yeah.
Maya
Oh, yeah. The way. The way he runs medicine like it's.
Patrick W.
A free ring side show. Eventually approach.
Trae
I wanted more of her.
Patrick W.
In this episode, Dr. Catherine is played.
Patrick
By a fabulous actress named Doris Petrie. Doris will be back in season two for the Mephisto Ring, and she's going to blow us away. Spoiler alert.And you can also find her in funeral home with Leslie Donaldson, which will come up later.
Trae
I was. I was sad she didn't end up being a bigger part of this episode.
Patrick W.
Just for one thing that I was impressed with this episode. A since. Where's Jack the Ripper? Ask Jack the Ripper. Jason, no sex workers were killed.
Maya
We came close. We come close at the end of the episode.
Patrick W.
But. But you would think that would have been. That would have been the opening kill.
Maya
Yeah.
Patrick W.
Just to make sure you knew where you were. Oh, we're just gonna kill a sex worker. And also rarity for this show, no women were killed. On screen.
Maya
Yeah. On screen. Yeah. I'll give you that.
Patrick W.
There's one in the past that we hear about.
Maya
Yeah, we have the past one we hear about whose photo we see later.
Patrick W.
Because sometimes I'm just like, why are we always killing the women. Why?
Maya
Because, I mean, there's a lot to unpack there and just like horror in general. Why? Women are killed at much higher rates.
Patrick W.
I know, I know, I know, I know. But it was painful to watch even then. Yeah, another one exploiting women's sex.
Maya
Women are people. Come on, come on, come on. Come back. Okay, cool.
Patrick W.
Okay.
Maya
So our heroes figure out that.
Patrick W.
Excuse me, do not deny me of my moment of like by virtue signaling right now. Thank you very much.
Flower Guy
Cool.
Maya
So our heroes are on the way to the hospital.
Ryan
I don't understand it. How can a small hospital like Ravenbrook afford a heavy hitter like Howlett?
Jack
Well, they really cant. But from everything I've been hearing, they really can't afford not to have him. They've been suffering some serious setbacks lately.
Micki
Like what?
Jack
Oh, outmoded equipment and poor patient care. They've had bad press, even some malpractice. And that's not to mention some minor scandals that have happened among the staff.
Ryan
So having Howlett there can put him back on the map again.
Jack
Well, they've certainly got the best, haven't they?
Maya
And Ravenbrook becomes the most important hospital in the country.
Doctor Howlett
Uh huh.
Flower Guy
All right, we know what's in it for Ravenbrook. What's in it for Hallett?
Jack
Oh.
Jack
Oh, look, he just loves the limelight. He can take a place like this and turn it into a really top notch institution single handedly. Hang on.
Ryan
Sounds like an okay guy to me.
Jack
Well, his critics say that he's turning medicine into a three ring circuit.
Micki
But look, I mean, there's no denying his perfect success rate and all the good work he's done.
Jack
No, there's no denying that. But you know, it's ironic. Jack the Ripper was supposed to have been a doctor too.
Maya
And Robey's hair is like literally touching the ceiling of the car. And I died. I wrote that.
Patrick W.
I wrote that. Jack's in the back seat of the car. If she moved her head, he would have been gone.He would have been like the whole like left side of the car is just hair with his little tiny face. But she looks great.
Maya
She looks so good. I'm here for all of it.
Patrick W.
Oh, man.
Micki
Oh.
Maya
So we get back to the hospital and there's a mystery lady posting photos around the hospital and she draws a gun on Dr. Howlett.
Patrick W.
But I'm just like, why did, why did that woman just put up a picture of Joyce DeWitt on that door? What's happening?
Trae
Because he's Jack the Tripper.
Patrick W.
Oh, we're back to Jack the tripper. But.
Trae
But she pulls out a gun, has a perfect shot.
Maya
He doesn't take it.
Trae
No.
Patrick W.
Oh, she was gonna, but these very.
Maya
These very convenient medical orderlies show up out of nowhere and take her to a psych ward.
Trae
Well, they grab her and she points upwards and is like, no.
Micki
Why?
Jean
Let me go. I'll follow him. He's a killer scumbag. No, Let me go. I gotta kill him before he kills again. Stop it.
Jack
Trying to make you meet me, the way you talk to that lady.
Patrick W.
But still, our heroes stopped her from shooting him, which would have ended this shit right there.
Maya
It would have fixed it. And then, you know, you go pick the scalpel off his dead body. End of episode.
Patrick W.
No police are called.
Maya
No police are called. Attempted murder.
Patrick W.
No police are called.
Maya
Totally, totally fine. She's running around with a gun, screaming.
Patrick
So the mom, whose name is Jane, actually, is played by Elvira May Hoover. She'll be back in season two for the Sweet Estate. She appeared in the Canadian exploitation classics Murder by Phone and class of 1984.Plus Guillermo del Toro's. Guillermo del Toro's Mama. And she was a regular on Avonlea.
Trae
Well, apparently. Yeah. They just strap her down to, like, a psych ward area of the hospital. Yeah, what the hell? They don't call the cops. Which we'll get into later.But they don't call the cops for anything at this hospital.
Maya
No, apparently, no.
Patrick W.
Well, you know, they haven't forgiven them after that whole autopsy room scene. But. But when Micki had.
Maya
Yeah. Where they just, like, rolled up into the autopsy room, like, hey, hey, you're not listening to the homeless people.
Patrick W.
If they're not going to talk nicely to us, then we are not going to ever call the cops. I am. Robey, when we say go.
Maya
Oh, yes, Yes. I. No. No one else could speak such a way.
Patrick W.
I can't speak that way. I don't know.
Patrick
I can't.
Patrick W.
I still haven't nailed it. I can't nail the Robey. Every now and then I'm like, why is she from Brooklyn? Like, every fifth word. She's rogue and British. It's really weird.
Maya
Yeah, it's true.
Patrick W.
She is. I'm sorry, Countess of Mystery.
Trae
Now.
Maya
She is very, very convenient. Orderlies. Oh, and then I wrote, don't split the party. All our heroes break up to try and individually take down Dr. Howlett, which never works.Don't split the party.
Patrick W.
But if they hadn't split the party, we wouldn't have met Lucy Bender.
Maya
Do you want to explain? Lucy Bender.
Patrick W.
Robey, Micki sees Dr. Howlett go into his office, and she's like, I'm going to have a confrontation with him. As she like, thanks for a second. And she knocks on the door. She's like, hello, I'm Lucy Bender, the new head of administrative.
Micki
How do you do? I'm Lucy Bender, supply and services here at Ravenbrook. Just checking to make sure everything's all right.Oh, I see they did give you that leather chair.
Doctor Howlett
Yes, everything's just fine, thank you.
Maya
Well, great. If you need anything else.
Maya
Oh, I see they did buy you that leather chair.
Patrick
Great.
Patrick W.
And here's me another. Another thing. That Jack is gay. I bet Jack gave her that name. And that's like his AOL chat room screen name. Oh, yeah, he's loose. He's loose.And he's a bender. He's Lucy Bender. His bender is loose.
Trae
I love how she walked up. She's like, oh, I just wanted to. Oh, you got that cheer. We thought. I thought of soap dish with America.
Patrick W.
And of course, we have a villain who's like. He's like, I am the villain of this piece, and this. This item is the key to my success. Emma Destruction.So I'm just gonna, like, fondle it in front of strangers.
Maya
Yeah. And she's like, if you need anything else, just call me. Like, what are you doing?
Patrick W.
If you need anything. Or perhaps an ottoman. Would you like an ottoman? I could get you an ottoman. I'm Lucy Bender. I can get you anything. I'll bend over for you.I'll bend the rules. I fell out. Said her name was Lucy Benner Wake. Where did you come up with that shit?
Patrick
Who.
Patrick W.
Whoion crew is named Lucy Bender and Jack.
Maya
Marshack sneak back into the office, and that's when we get the terrible. Oh, maybe it charges like a battery. In order to do good deeds, you have to put murders into it. Yeah, explain.
Jack
Okay, I think that jean's right. Howlett is a mass murderer. The question is why? All right, he's gone with the scalpel.And I'd say it's a pretty good guess that he's using it not only to operate, but also to kill.
Micki
The upside and the downside of the curse.
Jack
Exactly. I think the scalpel acts as a sort of rechargeable battery.And if it doesn't kill for a certain period of time, I think it runs down, loses its ability to heal.
Trae
And the longer it takes, the longer you go, the more you have to kill. Okay, sure.
Maya
Yeah. Okay, Jack. Thanks. That makes perfect sense. And we're not gonna test that or validate it or confirm it with the villain. We're just gonna accept it?
Patrick W.
He's like, listen, I used to fuck the guy who made all these curses. I know how his mind works.
Trae
All right, well, so then the doctor goes roaming around, and there's an area that apparently not a single person can go into because there's a sign that says, keep out close to all personnel.
Maya
Oh, and we see the sign again later. They reused the sign later in a stairwell.
Trae
So this area apparently is close to the hospital staff, and it's nothing but, like, an old abandoned wing or storage area.
Patrick W.
This area only for doing creepy stuff. Only, please.
Maya
Creepy only. Very poor lighting.
Trae
It looked like a boiler room from Nightmare on Elm Street.
Patrick W.
Yeah, it looked like the boiler room from the fraternity episode where the final episode happens.
Maya
Oh, yeah, it does.
Patrick W.
Final fight happened. It's the room where no one can go. It's the east wing. Yeah, you may go anywhere you like except the east wing. It's where I keep my cookie stash.
Maya
I want cookies.
Patrick W.
No cookies for you.
Trae
So Ryan's, like, scampering off after him.
Maya
Alone, without any weapons. Just gonna be fine.
Patrick W.
I've got a sweater with weird spots on it. Maybe it'll him enough that he'll just stop what he's doing.
Maya
Oh, my God. Why are you wearing that?
Patrick W.
He's so beige. He'll just blend in with the wall.
Maya
Oh, yeah. In with the ugly tile. Yeah, that'd be good.
Patrick W.
Like, he's so bas. You probably miss him. And I'm up against black wall. I got nothing.
Maya
So the doctor sees Ryan tries.
Trae
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ryan is, like, like, balanced on some tin cans. Just look. And then he falls and, like, makes the sound, and the doctor turns around and sees him.And so this is another Ryan up episode.
Maya
They're all Ryan up episodes, which is.
Patrick W.
Hilarious with for a big scene coming later. Yeah.
Trae
So then there's, like, a big madcap chase throughout the hospital. Oh, wait. Micki and Jack are walking, looking for everyone, and they see the big sign that says keep out close.All personal, like, oh, nothing's going on in there. Let's not even bother to look. And they heard clatter come from there. They kind of look at each other and go, ryan. And at least, like, Ryan, the good.
Patrick W.
Old days, you try to have sexual sex with me instead of trying to be a hero all the time.
Trae
Yeah, the awkward sexual tension you can't cut with a knife because there's nothing there.
Patrick W.
Sidebar. Let's pause here, since we're Here I realized something here. Like, they really wrote themselves in recording.Like if this was the first episode that I ever saw.
Trae
Yeah.
Patrick W.
And a lot of these. If you only saw one episode, there's no reason not to think they're not a couple.
Trae
Yeah.
Patrick W.
Or at least potential love interests.
Maya
I'll give you the potential love interests. They never act coupley.
Trae
No.
Patrick W.
But this, this, this attention, this episode, they're literally like, she literally. She has her head in his lap this episode. And they're saying when they're sad and.But there's an intimacy between them that you would think that is a normal show. Yeah. They're gonna hook up at some point.
Trae
Well, and he's talking about, like, his dad. I'm thinking you're part of the same family. There should at least be some sort of. Oh, your dad is my uncle. Twice.
Jack
No.
Trae
But an episode that relates around the fact that these people are blood relatives and they completely just ignore that. That thought of like some long lost family member coming back. Nope.
Patrick W.
But they really wrote themselves in a corner.
Trae
Yeah.
Trae
Because you can't have them screw around.
Patrick W.
Yeah. But the energy is there and the audience clearly, if you don't know, is going to be like, why isn't this happening? Why are they not hitting on it?Why are they not hitting what's happening? What's happening that should be happening? But anyway, it didn't happen.
Maya
Also, this episode, I noticed a big tone shift. Like there weren't any jokes. There wasn't a side plot like Birdie, anything like that.
Patrick W.
We had Birdie adjacent. Birdie's running the hospital now.
Maya
Right. But this one was just straight drama. We didn't get as much camp as we usually get.
Trae
I thought that it was that way. A really good episode because it's a fast moving episode and the villain is pretty memorable.
Maya
It's fast moving until like the final 10 minutes and then it's just like so much pain walking down a hallway.
Patrick W.
I noticed. I forgot to mention this last time, but last episode I said they gave a shit.
Patrick
Yeah.
Patrick W.
For that episode.
Maya
Yeah.
Patrick W.
They gave a shit for this. I mean, it's still stupid and it's poorly written or wonkily written, but you can see the people involved, like, they're working on it.You can see they're working. Yeah. Now all of a sudden people are committed and not just tossing off lines and.
Trae
Yeah.
Trae
Maybe it's just because seven episodes started to find their groove.
Patrick W.
Six episodes, seven episodes. They realize, okay, we got picked up. How many actually work.
Trae
Yeah. But going back to the episode.
Patrick W.
Yeah. Unfortunately, Jack gets involved in jackets into a problem.
Trae
Well, first, the more.
Maya
Yeah, first is.
Patrick W.
Oh, God. God. Oh, God. See, I completely.
Maya
Yeah. No. The doctor is chasing Ryan, and then Ryan hides in a morgue drawer, but we don't know which one.So Dr. Howlett opens a drawer without checking the face and just starts stabbing the body in the drawer.
Trae
And it's an old man.
Maya
And it's an old man.
Patrick W.
Michael Myers fell for the same trick.
Patrick
Man.
Patrick W.
Jamie Lee Curtis pulled around screaming like,.
Maya
The doctor runs off when he sees Micki. And then Ryan's like, mickey.
Ryan
Micki, let me out. I'm in here. Micki. Micki, I'm in here.
Micki
Ryan.
Ryan
Micki.
Jack
Oh,.
Trae
But when Maya. But when you call this a drawer, you're spot on because it's a wooden drawer and there's no cooling in the morgue. So, like, when you open it, it's.
Maya
Just, like, Props didn't have the budget for a real morgue refrigerator.
Patrick W.
No. And that guy got stabbed, like, 14 times. And they pulled back the sheet. Nothing.
Maya
No, nothing. He's fine. Don't worry about it.
Trae
And it's like a wooden drawer.
Maya
Yep.
Trae
Yeah, it's.
Knife Store Jim
Yeah.
Trae
So budget. Yeah. And Jack gets. Gets hurt.
Patrick W.
Oh, yeah. I wanted to back up for just a second. I don't know if you caught this. The lady, sad lady with the gun.
Trae
Oh. Oh, yes. Okay.
Maya
Chekhov's gun lady.
Patrick W.
Chekhov's gun lady. She has an envelope full of clippings.
Maya
Oh. Full of pictures of her daughter. And newspaper clippings about Dr. Howlett.
Patrick W.
Did you catch the top newspaper clipping headline?
Maya
No. You'll have to tell me what it says.
Patrick W.
It says, death stalks the hallways. Not death stalks the hallways. Death Stocks the hallways.
Maya
Stocks. Like stocks and bonds. Oh, man.
Patrick W.
And right there, bang. Like. Wait a minute. That's not right.
Maya
Speaking of Props not having the budget. Oh, my goodness.
Trae
That must be how they pronounce it in Canada.
Patrick W.
You see? Like death, like Little apron with his little guns.
Maya
Oh, no.
Patrick W.
I traded my stick on my stick off the Pay the rent, and I was pricing stock and all so stupid. I was very happy with that.
Maya
Okay, so Jack fights the doctor, right?
Trae
Actually, he gets a scuffle.
Maya
There's a scuffle.
Trae
I'll give it some punches in. I was.
Maya
Yeah.
Patrick W.
There is a scuffle. And a scuffle. I just said a scuffle. There's a scuffle. And a scalpel.
Maya
Scalpel. Scalpel. Scalpel.
Patrick W.
It's the vessel with the pestle, not.
Maya
The flagging with the dragon.
Patrick W.
Maya gets me.
Maya
I got you. I got you right here. I got Danny K for you for days. Young Angela Lansbury is metal.
Patrick W.
Absolutely. Yes. There is a scuffle and Jack's dangling from an elevator cable. As one does, like you do, and the other Jack. Jack V. Jack.
Trae
Wannabe Jack.
Maya
Too many Jacks.
Micki
Yeah.
Patrick W.
Versus Jack. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. And then he gets slices to the table with his magic ginzoon.
Jack
Yeah.
Trae
And Jack falls down, down.
Maya
The elevator trap.
Trae
Well, I'm assuming after that the doctor just walks away. Is totally oblivious to what happens next because Jack's now being prepped for surgery.
Maya
Yeah. The hospital's like, oh, guy in our elevator shaft. That makes sense. We're not going to investigate this at all.
Trae
And so I have a note written down. I wrote, I don't think this episode understands how hospital admin works because I don't think this is how.
Patrick W.
Do you live in Canada? Do you have universal healthcare? Do you know how they work? You don't know. You don't know.
Trae
I'm not.
Patrick W.
We don't know. And we skipped the scene. We skipped the scene. Which actually I thought was a great scene. The scene where Jack goes in interviews, check off gun lady.
Maya
Oh, the gun lady.
Trae
Yeah.
Patrick
Okay.
Trae
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was good.
Jean
I remember when she was just a.
Patrick W.
Little baby,.
Jean
So shy. She bury herself in my skirts if anyone talked to her. And he carved her up.
Patrick W.
I realized when I watched it the second time, I know her, she used to be on Avonlea, that spin off of Anne of Green Gables, when they made it a series. Yeah, she's a regular on that.
Maya
Wow. I thought she looked familiar too. I watched that when I was a kid.
Patrick W.
Oh, I still watch Anne. I am proud to say I love that whole Anne of Green Gables series. Except when she went and fought Nazis. That was stupid. But then those first two.Megan follows Glorious Queen. To quote Anthony Hudson from Gay Voice of Darkness. Glorious queen. Yeah. But no, she's got. She's scheduled to create team.That's when we find out that this guy, that the doctor, killed her daughter. And she's been following him ever since. And she's like, I didn't know this happened. Everywhere he goes, the trail of death.And her monologue is very well done.
Jean
She was in med school, wanted to be a doctor like him. She worshiped him, read every book he wrote. When she heard he was coming to town, she went off to where he was staying.Said she talked to him if it was the last thing she did to him. The phone rings, they found her in an alley. Most of her
Jack
Jean how did you know it was Howlett?
Jean
I didn't know.
Jack
But the cops.
Jean
The cops have nothing. I had to do something. So I started following him.Keeping tabs
Jack
the clippings you had i your bag
Jean
everywhere he went. Another killing or two, there's no big deal, just back page stuff. I just kept waiting for him to make that one slip so someone would listen to me.But he was too smart.
Jean
And I couldnt let it go on
Patrick W.
She's got a face that's. That reads pain. Anyway, so I'm going, oh, gosh, I feel really bad for this lady and I know she's gonna croak.I know how to show she's gonna croak.
Trae
She has that doom hanging over her. But she is very sympathetic and they make her more than just one note crazy.
Patrick W.
She's like, I'm playing this for. I'm not, I'm not. She wasn't sitting back in the laurels. I think I'm in some shitty show in a stupid part. She was very committed to that daughter.I felt. I felt all that. It was good. Yeah, well done. Something funny did happen. Hold on a second. Oh, she was explaining.She's like, well, my daughter was in medical school and she was, oh, taken with Dr. Howard.
Maya
She idolized him.
Patrick W.
She idolized him. And when he came to town, she went to meet him where he was staying. I'm like, oh, your daughter's a hoe. Your daughter ho. Not the hospital.No, not in the TV station you went to. Where who's staying.
Trae
She's a surgeon groupie.
Maya
Surgeon groupie.
Patrick W.
I don't wanna. I want to be victim planning.
Trae
And she died and she has got.
Patrick W.
Her ass called up. So now flashing back to after Jack has his accident. Evil doctor has to recharge his evil slicing knife. Just go out cruising for victim.
Trae
Wait, wait. First they tell him, we need you in surgery. And he's like.
Maya
And he's like, I can't operate.
Patrick W.
He'd already clear his calendar. He already cleared his calendar that this is the time I gotta go out. This is slashing time, killing time.
Trae
And she's like. And the hospital administrator woman who I really love is like, no, we hired you for a reason.
Doctor Patricia
We need you to operate tonight.
Doctor Howlett
I'm not available.
Doctor Patricia
I thought you'd jump at the chance to do this one.
Doctor Howlett
Why? Who is it?
Doctor Patricia
It's no one important. Just one of those patients that you profess to care so much about who has no chance of living unless. Unless you perform a miracle.
Doctor Howlett
I can't operate tonight.
Doctor Patricia
You're here to turn the reputation of this hospital around, Vince. And this surgery is precisely what will put Ravenbrook back on the map.
Doctor Howlett
There'll be other cases.
Doctor Patricia
Yes, there will be, but I'm afraid the press has got hold of this one. They're already here expecting to see the miracle man in action.
Doctor Patricia
I know you won't disappoint them.
Trae
And then she says, you know, the newspapers have already been notified and they're waiting to see what happens.
Maya
Oh. He asks who the patient is, and he says, just another patient you claim to love so.
Patrick W.
Well, no one famous,.
Trae
But then it's just. How has a PR learned about this?
Maya
Because he has a perfect record.
Patrick W.
Sure. I'm sure they have, like, some. They have people at the hospital that we have something that's perfect for him. This guy's gonna die.He's got a bubble in his heart. There's a girl with really big hair in the waiting room. You gotta come check it out.
Trae
Really poorly. Run. I I, it was told.
Patrick W.
Well, they do say it's a shitty hospital.
Maya
They do say, oh, what is it? It's a bird. The hospital's a bird.
Trae
Ravenwood something.
Patrick W.
Raven.
Trae
Raven.
Patrick W.
Her something.
Trae
Yeah, it had, like, no problem and.
Patrick W.
Incidents and bills gone missing and even a few malpractice suits. Has malpractice suits for.
Maya
Yeah, that's, that's how business works.
Trae
Yeah. So he's been brought up to bring up the patish of the hospital, and he's just like, I can't save him. Sorry.
Patrick W.
Yeah, but he still has to get. But he's like, all right, well, I gotta go out and quick charge this bitch. And he's got, he's, he's got his eyes. He's, he's out.He's out stalking the streets dressed like Carmen Sandiego meets Inspector Gadget. Like, there's nothing about this effort that doesn't scream, I am a murderer.
Maya
I am about to murder someone. I'm looking as sketchy as possible.Like the neighborhood crime watch signs where it's like a guy in a fedora and his face is shadow and you can see his trench coat collar. Like that's what he looks like.
Patrick W.
Yeah, like any. If you think spy, like a cartoon of a spine. That's it.
Maya
Yeah.
Patrick W.
He's got the murder trench coat on, he's got the murder hat on, and he's got sunglasses on at night. And he's not Cory Hart. Nope.
Trae
So he sees a phone booth with the most.
Patrick W.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm pointing at my Name? No.
Trae
No.
Patrick W.
Because he sees a young teenager skateboarding all by himself at night. And he's going up, he's going up, he's going. His snippets moving in. He's moving. I'm like wiggling really disturbingly. And I'm watching myself.
Maya
I vouch for the wiggle. The wiggle's upsetting
Patrick W.
And just as he's about to strike you hear.
Flower Guy
Hey, Skippy, let's go to Heidi's house.
Flower Guy
Her parents are gone for the night. Right on. Let's go.
Patrick W.
Hey, Skippy.
Micki
No.
Maya
Skippy are friends. No.
Ryan
Why?
Trae
Oh, man.
Patrick W.
Hey, Skippy. Hide. His parents are away for the night. She's having the party. You want to come? He goes, right on. Okay, first of all, the skater's name was Skippy.Skippy the Scam Skater.
Maya
Thanks, writers.
Patrick W.
Who then said, right on. Right on. Which hasn't been said by anyone since 1977. Well done. 40 Year old people writing for teenagers.
Maya
We can't all be Diablo Cody.
Patrick W.
No, Skippy.
Maya
Maybe he got caught, like, fucking a jar of peanut butter. And now his name is Skippy Forever.
Trae
He has a nickname.
Patrick W.
I mean, he was really poor and all of his records didn't play right.
Maya
I like mine better.
Patrick W.
I was trying to not go blue for change. Thank you, Maya. What happens? I don't go blue. I don't. It means things that people don't know who I am anymore.
Maya
No, it means you left blue available on the table. So I took it.
Patrick
Yep.
Maya
Yep.
Patrick W.
Then he goes to the phone booth. Trae, please carry on.
Trae
And there's a woman who could only be a prostitute.
Maya
A 1980s prostitute with, like, leopard print and big blonde hair. And. And she, like, she's talking to someone on the phone booth, but then she leans out and, like, makes sexy sex worker eyes at him.
Patrick W.
Oh.
Trae
And she strikes a pose. She's just like, hands on her hip.
Maya
Hey, sailor.
Patrick W.
My mark is here.
Maya
I see you. You are looking for me. And he's like, ready to stab her.
Patrick W.
I met her camera mark. My came is here. I hit it.
Maya
Beeper goes off.
Patrick W.
No, no, no.
Trae
Wait, wait, wait. He's.
Patrick W.
Because I got something.
Trae
He's 30ft away and he pulls a scalpel out.
Maya
No, reach on a scalpel, bud.
Patrick W.
And she sees it and runs right.
Trae
Inside of a building right next door.
Patrick W.
Yeah, that's what I wrote down. Like, try not pulling your knife out when you're 150ft away from your victim.
Trae
I'll get to this later. But he's really bad at this.
Maya
He's really bad at this.
Patrick W.
Then she runs into the building that's right there. I'm like, so you're hooking right in front of your own house? That's not how that works either.
Trae
Well, maybe it's like the hotel and she's just, you know.
Patrick W.
No, no, no.
Trae
And then his beeper goes off.
Patrick W.
I used to work for a hooker booker, so. I was a hooker booker, so I know how that works. It's not how that works. Okay, well, you don't want them to know where you live. You know, you don't.Or you don't want the police, but. Yeah. Saved by the beeper. Could there be a more 80s way to be saved?
Maya
No, no, no. There could not.
Patrick W.
Only if Toto came in and broke it up by thinking Africa would only put Duran Duran.
Maya
Africa. Africa lives again, man. Africa is no longer dated.
Patrick W.
For some of us, it never was.
Trae
But we go to crazy gun lady who's like. I guess an orderly is watching her,.
Maya
And she's like, oh, my straps are too tight. They're cutting off the circulation in my arm. Could you.
Trae
Could you be a deer and loosen them?
Maya
And then she cracks the orderly over the head with a vase that she can reach.
Trae
So I guess he didn't loosen them as much as just undo them.
Maya
Undo them entirely.
Patrick W.
One of the things Mild sidebar. One of the things I love. If you ever get a chance to read a Joss Whedon script, read it because comment. Like, his stage directions are hilarious.And this orderly reminded me of that. I remember there was one. It was like, Xander hides behind a crate. Two soldiers pass. They say nothing because they are extras. There's this guy.
Ryan
She's having.
Patrick W.
She's rambling on, so she's like, just. Please. The guy's just sitting there doing nothing. Like, extra.
Trae
Doesn't say word.
Maya
We don't. We don't have it in the budget to upgrade him. You can't talk.
Patrick W.
I can't respond.
Patrick
I can't.
Patrick W.
I can't. I'm an extra.
Patrick W.
I can't.
Patrick W.
I can't say anything. Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't have any lines. I don't have any lines.
Trae
Because he's just there reading right next to her bed as, like, security or.
Maya
You're trying to make sense out of the hospital again. Stop it.
Trae
Bad hospital administration. Once again, hospital administration not a good use of resources.
Patrick W.
Don't hire extras as orderlys
Trae
Must not pay him that much. If you got time to lean, you got time to clean.
Patrick W.
So Jack, it turns out, is very, very, very, very ill. We may need.
Micki
One of you to sign the release for surgery.
Jack
Surgery? Is it that serious?
Micki
Yes, I'm afraid it's very serious.
Maya
Yeah. Turns out falling down an elevator shaft is bad for you.
Doctor Patricia
Mr. Marshak has an abdominal aortic aneurysm.
Micki
What?
Micki
What is that?
Doctor Patricia
Well, it's a weakness in the artery leading from the heart, probably due to the severity of his fall. It's like a bubble waiting to explode. It's almost always fatal.
Ryan
Well, what can you do?
Doctor Patricia
Operate as soon as possible possible. Fortunately, we now have the best surgeon in the country on call. He's agreed to do the surgery tonight with your consent.Now, you may have heard of him, he's something of a miracle worker.
Trae
He has an abdominal aortic aneurysm. So also in this hospital, the head of the hospital talks to the patients directly and is like, yeah, this is almost fatal.Yeah, he's probably gonna die, but we have a miracle worker.
Patrick W.
Well, that's what I loved about her. She came up, she's like, does Jack have any family? And the two of them say, well, we're his family. Oh, well, that's good.
Maya
I mean, the first thing they say is, no, well, we're his family.
Patrick W.
We might need. We might need to sign for the surgery for the release for surgery. And she goes. Micki goes, surgery?
Micki
Surgery.
Patrick W.
What can be that odd? He fell down and it's that serious? I'll come back and tell you more later. What?
Patrick
No.
Patrick W.
Your friend needs surgery.
Patrick
Gotta go.
Patrick W.
Bye.
Trae
Well, Micki's like. He feels an elevator shaft. She's like, wait, he has to have surgery? She said surgery, not heart transplant.But Micki's reacting like, this is just the end times.
Ryan
Yeah, but.
Patrick W.
Yeah, whatever this is, it's like a bubble. And it's a little bubble in your bloodstream near your heart. Like, if it pops, it will kill you. So it is very serious.
Maya
Like in the remake of the Omen.
Patrick W.
They don't talk about the remake of the Omen, thank you very much.
Trae
Hey, Julia Stiles is doing it.
Maya
Julia Stiles.
Trae
Now, Mia Farrow came out of retirement to be in that movie.
Maya
But we have David Thewlis. David Thewlis is my man.
Patrick W.
Julia Stiles is like watching paint dry. I can't stand her David Thewlis.
Maya
I stand David Thewlis forever.
Trae
We have Liev Schreiber.
Patrick W.
Let's fight. He's all right. He's funny and he's great on stage. One of the few Hollywood people that could do both very well.
Maya
Yes, except he don't care with him for a while. And that was very frustrating.
Trae
He was actually in Parker Posey's Party Girl. That's my first song. You ever see Party Girl?
Patrick W.
That was a lot of alliteration.
Trae
Parker Posey's Party Girl.
Patrick W.
From Kenner.
Maya
Where were we?
Patrick W.
I don't know.
Trae
Having a surgery.
Patrick W.
Jack's having to go to surgery, so of course we're devolving into absolute hysteria. And so he's like, oh, he didn't. He didn't get to charge the scalpel,.
Trae
But it still worked.
Maya
Murder, knife, battery. Yeah.
Patrick W.
And so we had some really, like, grim trying to be going for the Canadian. Whatever the Emmy award is up there.
Micki
You never know how much somebody means to you, and so you just might.
Ryan
Me and my folks, we never got along. Always treated me like I had a screw loose. They never let me do anything important.Jack, he was the first one to act like I had something on the ball.
Trae
Oh, no, wait. Because. No, first we have. Wait, wait. First Ryan steals the scalpel and then he's talking to Micki and she's like,.
Patrick W.
Off the sink that he just put down.
Maya
He put it down and the other doctors are like, scrubbing in, washing their hands. And Ryan has dressed up in scrubs that he's stolen from the hospital to get into this room.And he steals the scalpel and then Micki is like, like, you have to give it back.
Trae
We can't let Jack die. And they both have, like a big moral ethical quandary.
Maya
Oh, yeah, yeah. My notes just say, greater good in all caps.
Jack
Ryan, I've been thinking. No matter what happens to Jack, we can't let Alec get away. I mean, if there were to be any more killings, it would be our fault.That would be the last thing Jack would want.
Patrick W.
I was like, it's the gift of the magi, but with really big hair.
Trae
So I guess in this case, the needs of the one don't outweigh the needs of the Mini.
Patrick W.
Yeah.
Maya
Well, if Jack isn't here to Jack's plane, then what do we do next.
Trae
When Jack's not around, these two fall apart.
Maya
Yes, they do.
Patrick W.
They're dead before they get home.
Maya
Yeah, they're like, how do we. How do we drive?
Trae
So then the doctor is flipping out trying to find his scalpel.
Maya
Yeah, where's my scalpel? It was right here. And the head of medicine is like, you are needed.
Patrick W.
Where all the other fucking medical instruments are being sanitized to be able to.
Trae
Find it just pops up like, oh, I found this for you, and walks off.
Maya
I think this is yours. The doctor's like.
Trae
And he just, like, exits fast.
Maya
Exits fast into surgery, starts doing surgery again.
Patrick W.
Didn't sterilize it. Somebody else had it. Could have been doing magic.
Maya
It's magic.
Trae
Once again, this hospital has bad administration.
Patrick W.
So it's the bacteria that's actually does the healing.
Maya
It's the magic glowing bacteria from the civil war.
Trae
Sure.
Patrick
I was.
Patrick W.
Yeah.
Trae
Huh?
Patrick W.
I was going to say. Or mitochondrians.
Maya
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
Patrick W.
No, not that. In them.
Patrick
Mitochlorians.
Maya
Midichlorians.
Trae
Midi chlorians. The Jedi.
Maya
Yeah. You can only talk about midi chlorians if you're talking into a lady shick. That's. That's how I received that message.
Patrick W.
Hold on a second. Hold on. Oh, God. My manscaper is over here. So you're not wrong. Don't ask why it's over there. I was doing a commercial for them.
Maya
I'm gonna put my questions back into my pocket. So the doctor starts performing surgery on Jack, but there's a blanket over his. Business as usual, right?But then the anesthesiologist moves the blanket, and the doctor can see that he's operating on Jack. And he's like, no, the guy.
Patrick W.
I can't let him die. I want to let him die, but I can't let him die because the.
Maya
Audience, the press is here, but it's.
Patrick W.
Like, I'm the Patti LuPone of the surgery world. Stop taking pictures right now.
Maya
Who do you think you are, Ray?
Patrick W.
I don't know if you've noticed. You're the anchor.
Trae
This whole thing.
Maya
He's like, I'm sorry. I can talk about Patti LuPone forever.
Patrick W.
Oh, I just want to go back to, like, these. These. These going for the Oscars monologues that Micki Orion have in the waiting room. Oh, yeah, and they're all sitting.
Maya
I don't think you have enough time with someone.
Patrick W.
And then you're like, even her hair looks sad. It was, like, really sad. And then he goes, jack's.I mean, Ryan says, Jack was the first one to ever act like I had something on the ball, that I wasn't a complete waste.
Maya
When does he act that way? I have not seen that episode.
Patrick W.
You have nothing on the ball. Honey, honey, honey. You left the teacup on the counter. Go get potato chips. You are not on the ball.
Trae
Nope. No, you are not.
Patrick W.
Like, man, that does the work that Jack doesn't have to do. He's like, okay, you guys go get it. I'm gonna be upstairs watch in my AOL Bear Chat room.
Trae
Yeah, because Ryan is a up. All right, Ryan. Your dad was right.
Patrick W.
They were committed to it. They were committed to. I was very impressed with.
Trae
But so then Jack is saved without the use of a magic knife.
Doctor Patricia
Mr. Marshak is in post op until the anesthetic wears off. You can see him then.
Micki
Oh, thank God.
Ryan
Where's Howlett?
Doctor Patricia
Dr. Howlett? Why?
Ryan
We just want to thank him for all the help he's getting.
Doctor Patricia
Oh, well, I left him in scrub. He probably wants to have a look at his patient before he leaves. He wants. Wanted to supervise the post op personally,.
Maya
But no with the use of the magic knife.
Trae
Well, yeah, yeah, but the magic knife didn't use its magic to save him because it was out of charge, wasn't it?
Maya
I think the rules are ambiguous here. I think Jack benefited from the magic knife.
Patrick W.
I think it had enough, and he had to make the decision whether to let him die and embarrass himself publicly.
Trae
But we also have Chekhov's gun lady.
Maya
Yeah, yeah, that's what my notes say. Chekhov's gun lady, exclamation point. She comes back ready to shoot the doctor again.
Patrick W.
She shows up in the surgical theater. She's got her popcorn. She's got.
Trae
Before that, though, she has to get her. Her clothes.
Patrick W.
Oh, with bitches from bitch nurse.
Maya
Yeah, so a nurse is, like, on the phone dealing with.I don't even remember what, completely oblivious to Chekhov's gun lady sneaking around in the back room like Bugs Bunny getting her shit out of a locker.
Nurse
I'm sorry. Dr. Masten is here.
Nurse
He's been waiting for 20 minutes, and.
Nurse
The ambulance hasn't arrived.
Nurse
Well, I've called down to emergency, and they don't know anything about it either. What do you want me to do about it?
Nurse
All right, I'll give him a call, but this is the second time this has happened this week. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do about it. Well, you can talk to my superior. Fine.
Patrick W.
From the locker. From the locker. In huge letters that says patience belongs.
Trae
And has a padlock on it.
Maya
Oh, yeah, she just opens the padlock, no problem.
Trae
The key. How'd she get the key? And the nurse doesn't hear any of these, even though she's like six feet behind. Her bad. Really run hospital.
Patrick W.
And she was complaining about some problem hospital. She's like, well, I don't know where the damn doctor is. This keeps happening. I don't know where the. I don't know where the ambulance is at.
Maya
Hospital administration. What can you say?
Patrick W.
Well, you can talk to my supervisor then. Fine.
Trae
Talk to my supervisor. That's fine.
Maya
Good luck finding them.
Patrick W.
Like, clearly, she's not from Canada.
Maya
Oh, yeah. Bitchy American and poor into the Canadian hospital.
Patrick W.
That's why the system collapsed.
Maya
Ah, the American. That'll do it.
Trae
Yeah. Goddamn Americans.
Maya
Goddamn Americans.
Patrick
And after all, this is when Chekhov's gun lady finally gets to confront Dr. Jack herself. And it doesn't go well for her.
Jean
You turn around and face me.
Doctor Howlett
I take it you don't want my autograph.
Jean
You killed my daughter. Now it's your turn.
Doctor Howlett
Come closer.
Doctor Howlett
You don't want to miss now.
Doctor Howlett
Yes, that's right, Jack.
Jean
Don't mind me.
Jean
Get howlett!
Patrick
Fortunately, she's not killed, though. She's. She's wounded. But her screaming, go after him at the end is absolutely fabulous.
Patrick W.
Good for her.
Trae
But. So the doctor. I just got to where the doctors chasing after Ryan and.
Maya
Oh, and that's when we reuse the sign that says close to everyone, but the sign has been ripped in half. So it's in this stairwell that goes back down into the creepy boiler room.
Patrick W.
This. I might as well said, not that stairwell from before.
Maya
Yeah, not that stairwell. Different stairwell. Look, you can tell from this half a sign that we didn't see earlier.
Trae
So Ryan and Micki go down there after the doctor, and I have. The doctor jumps on Ryan's back, but doesn't stab him. Yeah, the doctor's trying to kill.
Patrick W.
There's a lot of that. I mean, there's a point where they do knock the doctor out, and then they just take the scalpel. They just ran away.
Maya
I'm like, yeah, they knocked the doctor out. They had the distraction of Chekhov's gun lady that they just leave by the doctor, and then they run away without taking the scalpel.
Trae
Like, what's your in game? He's unconscious with a scalpel. You're there to get the scalpel.
Maya
They lock a door, leaving him with the scalpel, and he cuts through the metal door in a big circle for effect. And you can tell the special effects team is having such a good time.
Patrick W.
Those look great. All those spark effects look great. There's a part where he attacks Micki where she holds up a garbage can.
Maya
Line, and it's just cuts right down the middle. It looks so cool.
Patrick W.
It looks great. And it's sparking like crazy. I'm like, I don't know how you guys did that, because that looked great.
Trae
Yeah. And when he's cut through the door, you see on their side, just like.
Patrick W.
This ring Beginning of aliens. But they were cutting at Danny Weaver from the ship. Three minutes. Yeah. It's great.
Maya
It looked. It looked so good.
Patrick W.
Did you notice the graffiti?
Maya
The graffiti said eat, and I couldn't figure out what the second word was.
Patrick W.
Eat some.
Maya
Eat some. Not eat all. Eat some. Thank you.
Patrick W.
But it was one. It was. You can only see it through a round window. And I'm like, eat some what? Eat some what? Sidebar, Maya.If you ever happen to see Friday the 13th Part 8, Jason takes Manhattan, which wasn't shot in Manhattan, it was mostly shot in Toronto.
Maya
Like, you do.
Patrick W.
There's a scene in the subways, the subway station. And the subway is all filled with graffiti. You just look at the graffiti going. Canadians do this graffiti.It's all, like, really nice smiley stuff and, like, really bizarre things. Like, have a great day.
Trae
Wow.
Patrick W.
I love cookies. I'm like, wow. Wow. It's like two colors of paint. Like, in every place in New York,.
Maya
We want to tell you to fuck off in, like, three different languages.
Trae
This one says, have a nice day in three different languages.
Maya
Oh, yeah, that's got to be Canadian.
Patrick W.
But anyway, back to this. Yeah.
Maya
Eat some. Yeah. So cut through the trash lid. Cut through the door. And then Ryan tells Micki to hide behind a copier that has a. What's it called?The shocky thing?
Trae
The paddle.
Maya
Paddle machine on top of a copier.
Trae
Defibrillator. The defibrillator.
Maya
Is that a defibrillator?
Patrick W.
No. Yeah, we call the copier.
Trae
Well, apparently, it's still plugged in.
Maya
Apparently it's still plugged in. Even though it's not lit up. It doesn't look.
Patrick W.
Even though no personnel are allowed to.
Maya
Yeah, it's totally still plugged in, though. So then Micki hides behind it. Ryan throws a. A bin onto the doctor, which he walks around like a squirrel on his head.Like a squirrel with his head stuck in a can.
Trae
That's funny.
Ryan
And then he.
Maya
He punches Ryan. Doesn't stab him. And Robey's like, you forgot there were two of us.
Micki
You forget there's two of us.
Doctor Howlett
You forget.
Doctor Howlett
Oh,.
Doctor Howlett
How could I forget you?
Doctor Howlett
I'm just saving the best for last.
Trae
I'm just saving the best for last.
Patrick W.
Oh, no.
Maya
And he's, like, making the, like, really, like, sexual predator eyes, coming at her with the. The stabby scalpel.
Trae
And she turns into Mr. Miyagi because he goes for it, and she just. At the right minute, it takes the paddles and clamps it on his hand.
Maya
So he's electrified through the scalpel. But the Special effects look like big trouble in Little China. There's all these, like, bolts all over his face and body as he's shot.
Patrick W.
It's the 80s. That's how it was in everything.
Maya
Okay, okay, if you say so.
Patrick W.
That ended thing was later stolen for Dr. Giggles. Oh, it was. I hate that Dr. Giggles dies as well. That's what Dr. Giggles does.
Maya
Yeah, that's how Dr.
Patrick W.
You know, pushing out my glasses on my nose. Oh, Allison Nowaki is crying somewhere for the death of Dr. Gaggles right now. She doesn't know why.I just wanted her when she clamped down the defibrillator. This is a callback. This is a deep callback. She clapped in the.Before she did it, she had at least one good line, like one good, you know, quip, which didn't just be like, I saved the best for last. And she goes, I get my kick in the neck up, sunshine.
Maya
No, I believe Patrick is doing the famed Ron Perlman version.
Patrick W.
I can't buy kicks from the neck up.
Maya
But also, I want to say that we said the murder weapon gets charged like a battery, and the doctor was defeated with electricity.
Trae
Irony.
Maya
I'm not sure if that's irony, but it seemed consistent. It seemed like effort from the writers, and I liked that.
Patrick W.
Yeah, they're probably just like, okay, so what happens?
Maya
Okay, so this is totally plugged in, right? That makes sense. That's how a hospital runs. Hospitals are totally like this. Yeah, that's fine.
Trae
Once again, I'm pointing to my.
Maya
He keeps pointing to his login that says bad hospital admin. Yes, yes, yes. Everyone in that hospital should be fired.
Trae
Pretty much.
Maya
Oh, oh, oh, oh, no. When we see the doctor, he has stabbed himself. He's been electrocuted. But then he. His final act is to get the scalpel into his own heart.
Patrick W.
Just like that midget.
Maya
Just like that.
Patrick W.
Fallen on. The only difference is, apparently evil doctors don't turn into a headband and glitter.
Trae
Yeah, that's very cool if you did.
Maya
I want to disappear in a pile of glitter when I die.
Patrick W.
Is anybody following this, listeners? Is anybody following this?
Trae
Isolation has gotten to Patrick. We've lost.
Patrick W.
Can you imagine that? It happened. People were like, what? We got it.
Maya
Two. Two people out there are smiling right now being like, yes, I. I understand what just happened.
Patrick W.
You have to go listen to Helloween if you have it. Let's do it already. If you're not listening to, I got nothing. All right, okay, so now we have the tag scene.And like I said, this has happened a few times now. This happened in the last episode, too. That. That all of a sudden they, like, switched outfits. Like, Micki looked like an.That whole episode last time. Sure. For that last taxi. She looked amazing. It was kind of a variation on the. On the effort. She's wearing this one and then Ryan. And Ryan looked.Okay, he just had that T shirt.
Trae
No, he looked like Ward Cleaver. He had like. Like that little, like a. I was.
Patrick W.
Talking about last episode, you know, he had. Okay, they kind of, like switched. All of a sudden that she looks good. And now this. They did it again. I'm like, oh, my God. What? That is.First of all, she's wearing, like, in living colored Banshee Girl earrings. Honey, you were like, 10 years ahead of trend. Right on. Big, thick, chunky. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah.
Trae
And Ryan's got, like, a really wide card.
Patrick W.
I'm like, what's happening? Where are you going? Who is this woman? Where is she going?
Trae
But Ryan's got, like a cardigan on. It's like really wide over, like, a shirt and a tie.
Patrick W.
But he looks. He looked like a slob the whole episode. All of a sudden, he looks sharp.
Patrick
And then.
Patrick W.
Okay, this is the America reference, you know, because they're wheeling Jack around in a wheelchair and they're doing the usual quips. Oh, wow, this is. This is great. We killed somebody. Hooray. We don't have to call the police because Canada, there's no investigation.Us who keep having dead people follow us around. No, we are investigating, but, yeah, they're having a little quip session.
Micki
Good to have you back.
Micki
We missed you.
Ryan
Thank you, my dear. Micki, no more hospitals for on that scalpel, I hope. By the way, you did put it away.
Jack
Yes, Jack, we put it in the vault safe and sound.
Jack
I think it's high time that I went back to work.
Ryan
No, you hold on now. You want to go anywhere, you let me know. I'll wheel you there.
Jack
This is perfectly ridiculous, Ryan. I'm capable of going under my own steam.
Ryan
You heard what the doctor said.
Jack
Do you think I'm ever going to want to hear what a doctor says again?
Ryan
Now, Howlett did a good job. Are you kidding? I mean, best part of all is with him out of the way, he won't be sending you a bill.
Patrick W.
At least the one good thing to come out of it is you don't have to worry about him sending you a bill. And then there's a big pause and they go like a Canadian. Jo just laughs like a Canadian. I realized.Okay, first of all, you have Universal health care. He's not sending a bill.
Trae
Ah, there you go. Yeah.
Patrick W.
So that was there for us. Oh, he's sending a bill. We must be in America.
Micki
Ah,.
Maya
Clever.
Patrick W.
And then there's that pause and they yell. But they're like, we're not in America.
Trae
And they also mentioned that Chekhov's Gun lady has been flown now back to see her family. And she'll be fine. She got what she came for. Okay. It's like, okay, so she's.
Maya
She got some closure. Yeah. No, because she definitely had that, like, is going to die doom on her face.
Trae
And she seemed very emotionally stable through the whole episode. So I'm glad that she's, you know, Jack says she's gonna be fine.
Patrick W.
I was glad she didn't. I was glad she didn't. Because I'm like, I hate when the victim. Really victimly ones become victims. It's just like addict.
Maya
Oh, yeah, that's.
Patrick W.
That's easy prey. Easy prey. And I was also going, that head doctor who's not taking it, she's gonna wind up on the slab too. Nope.
Trae
No. They only had one. One person died in this episode.
Patrick W.
Yeah, okay. The Queer Connection.
Trae
Yeah. Yeah.
Patrick W.
That would be Dr. Howland himself. Oh, really? That would be Cliff Gorman. Cliff Gorman. Quite a huge star in the 70s. Leading roles in Night of the Juggler, Ghost Dog, all that Jazz.
Maya
He's in all that Jazz. Damn.
Patrick W.
And Boys in the Band, both on Broadway.
Doctor Howlett
Oh, really?
Patrick W.
Victim of the 80s gay paranoia scare all of a sudden. His, like, just the year before this, like, his. It was like, like, credit, credit, credit, credit. Good stuff. And then after this, nothing.This is like the last thing.
Maya
That's awful.
Trae
That's too bad.
Patrick W.
Yeah.
Trae
He was good at this. He was a good villain.
Patrick W.
And he's from Queens. Hey, but no, but I'm glad. I'm glad I looked that up. And Dr. Patricia was in Funeral home with Leslie Donaldson.
Trae
I need to watch that.
Patrick W.
I saw it once a long time ago and I don't remember liking it, but I'll give it another go.
Maya
Just.
Trae
I watch. I watched Curtains a few weeks ago and.
Patrick W.
Weird Movie. We're not talking about that. We're not talking about. Okay. Celebrity castings, alternate curses. Why do we have kids?
Trae
Not alternate curses.But I was really hoping that the doc, the hospital admin lady was gonna find the knife, realize what it was, kill him and try to take over, but that didn't happen. But the hospital admin reminded me of the admin from Nightmare on The Street Part 3. Dream Warriors.
Patrick W.
Okay.
Trae
Okay, but that's not really alternate curses or alternate casting.
Patrick W.
But it's not. But you tried. You tried. I would have. It's not. I don't even have an alternate cast. I had one earlier when you were talking about stuff.I'll probably fix it in post when I remember again, when you're talking about Dr. Patricia. But I said I would have liked to have seen Dr. Jacqueline. The Jack. The R figures are always male. There's no reason. I mean, it's.
Jack
It's.
Maya
We weren't ready for that in the 80s. They're not.
Patrick W.
It was 1987. Women had been allowed to be doctors for at least, like, two years at that point.
Maya
No, that would be some, like, early 2000s. Like when they did American Psycho, the sequel with the lady.
Trae
Mila Kunis.
Maya
The first. It's Mila Kunis. I didn't watch it.
Trae
The second one. Oh, you mean part. Part American Psycho 2? Yeah, I think it's Mila Kunis in American Psycho, too.
Patrick W.
She's one of them. She did one of those weird sequels, and it might have been that one.
Maya
But. Yeah, I feel like that would be a very, like, early 2000s feminism.
Patrick W.
I just say. I just say, for me watching now, I said I would have liked to see any woman do this. It would have been less obvious. Whatever. Early in the show.Whatever.
Maya
But especially the way the writing has been, like, I don't. It doesn't feel like 1987. Edgy. It feels like, I don't know, playing.
Patrick W.
It safe like Jan and us. You always got to subtract five years.
Maya
Yeah. Yeah. We were ready.
Doctor Howlett
Yeah.
Maya
What's your name? That's your name. No, my alternate casting is. I want to swap out the head of medicine with Jessica Walter.
Trae
Oh, yeah. From Arrested Development.
Maya
Yeah. So Lucille Booth from Arrested Development. Mallory Archer from Archer.
Trae
Yeah.
Maya
Well, we don't approve of you. The way you've been running surgery like a sideshow. What can it cost, $10 or ultimate cost?
Patrick W.
Here, why don't you take the night off and go see what, Star wars?
Maya
Yeah, have $10. Go see a star. Oh, have $100. No change. Go see a Star wars doctor.
Trae
Isn't it a stomach aneury? You know, aneurysm. I don't know what you said, and I'm not going to respond.
Maya
All right.
Trae
Or alternate casting Alec Baldwin as the doctor.
Maya
Oh, yeah, but, like, going full 30 rock.
Trae
Well, but he was in that movie where he gave that speech about where he's being a doctor. Accused malice.
Patrick W.
I am going to second that. Just because at this point, Alec Baldwin was at prime hotness. Trae, did you ever see the TV movie Dress Blue?
Trae
No.
Patrick W.
Is Alec Baldwin getting out of a lake or a pool? Tiny swimsuit, and it's about to get military. So I was just like, bing Bong, back from the future here.
Patrick
The miniseries that I am referring to is not dressed blue, it's dressed gray. And oh, my God, this is my Alec. This was my introduction to Alec Baldwin. And I got gayer watching him get in and out of that lake so many times.Just needed you to know because you need to know. Back to the show Bing Bong.
Trae
No, but when plays people Getting out of pools. Had a movie in the 90s where he played a doctor who's accused of murdering someone.
Patrick W.
And he's on this scamming.
Trae
Yeah. And he's like, you call me a God, I am God.
Patrick W.
Malice.
Trae
Yeah, Malice. That's what the doc. That's what the doctor's introduction.
Maya
Like the speech we just got on Saul Goodman.
Trae
Yeah.
Maya
Lightning comes my fingers, lighting shoots with my fingertips.
Patrick
Well, apparently God complex is common among TV maniac doctors because our TV maniac doctor says something awfully God complex at the beginning.
Micki
Well, Vince, one more notch for your belt.
Doctor Howlett
It's really nothing, Patricia. A minor miracle. Something on the scale of water into wine.
Patrick
And then again during this entries.
Doctor Howlett
Did you really think you could stop me? Don't you know who I am? He with the power to give life, take it away.
Patrick W.
I've been, you know, going through stuff on, you know, watching things endlessly, as we all are these days. And I started rewatching Warehouse 13.
Maya
I never got into that. How do you feel about it?
Patrick W.
Maya, first of all, you're in the show.
Maya
What?
Patrick W.
There's a character that's you.
Maya
Cool. Guess I gotta watch it.
Patrick
Smart, cool, hip, takes no shit.
Patrick W.
Funniest. Knows everything. Knows how to do everything. She's great. I get it, Renee.
Maya
No, I'll watch it. Okay.
Patrick W.
But it's a sci fi version of this show.
Maya
Oh, okay.
Patrick W.
Yeah, yeah, it's very funny.
Patrick
It's a great.
Maya
It's like the warehouse at the end of Indiana Jones.
Patrick W.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's exactly what it is. So they're getting dangerous items back and keeping them in this warehouse.And there's a movie, this show that just started on Hulu called the Librarians. The same thing.
Maya
Oh, but the Librarians has been going on for a while now.
Patrick W.
I don't know. Well, I just discovered about the Librarians.
Maya
I'm sorry, it's got. What's his name from er, right?
Trae
Noah Wiley and Rebecca Romaine. Yeah, I was looking at future episodes.
Patrick W.
This is the same show.
Maya
No, I watched some of the Librarians, like six years ago.
Patrick W.
You were different genre nerds.
Maya
I'll push my glasses up my nose now.
Patrick W.
Oh, no. I say that. No, I mean when it comes to that sci fi stuff, you know, well, and you know the science and shit behind it.There's been a couple of episodes. Not here. Other things recorded. You start spouting physics laws on my arm. This is why I love my Murphy.
Maya
Just comes out with knowledge because I spend too much time reading on the Internet.
Patrick W.
No conservation of mass. No. Conservation of energy. No.
Maya
Called out. Called out.
Patrick W.
Those lobsters can grow as big as they want a million times your size. No conservation of mass.
Maya
It. Look, it matters, okay?
Patrick W.
This is me. I remember those words. I don't know what they mean, but I remember those words.
Maya
I'll explain it to you later.
Patrick W.
You don't need to, because I'll never need them. All right. Do we know what's coming up next?
Trae
Yeah, the next one.
Patrick W.
I looked Jack's planning for us.
Trae
I don't know. No, no, no.
Ryan
Two.
Trae
I think this two or three coming up is about a cursed mulcher. They have given a. They've given up. And also that's amazing thing.
Patrick W.
Dude, don't tell her. Don't tell her.
Trae
I won't tell her about it.
Patrick W.
But. But guest star, Eric, Colin, Tony from. And now he goes by Enrico Colin Tony from Mars and don't shoot me.
Trae
Oh, okay. That would be fun.
Patrick W.
I've seen his penis like five times in the past year and it's really disturbing.
Maya
Thank you for that.
Patrick W.
I saw my page in five different things.
Maya
I'm like.
Patrick W.
And there's a penis again.
Trae
Oh, he's. It's getting paid by the inch.
Patrick W.
Well, yep,.
Trae
Now I'm looking. The next episode is Shadow Boxer.
Patrick W.
All right. It's gonna be great.
Patrick
That's a great one.
Maya
Great. It's gonna be great. I can tell it's gonna be great.
Patrick W.
That's the best episode ever. It's about that stalker. It's about that death stalker in the hallway putting stuff in the boxes. Shadows in the box.
Maya
Death stalks the hallways.
Patrick W.
Trae, Maya, thank you so much again for joining me. Someone's got Chronicles, someone's got Chronicle, but Uncle Lewis does. If we don't do it, who's gonna do it?
Maya
Who's gonna do it?
Trae
No one.
Patrick W.
Nobody. So you're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome.
Trae
This show can't go up into obscurity. We have to let people know about Robey.
Maya
That must tell people about Ruby's hair.
Trae
Yep, yep.
Patrick W.
That Jack is gay. Nobody knows. We're the only people who know.
Maya
We know.
Patrick W.
We know every episode. And Jack knows.
Maya
Jack knows.
Patrick W.
Ryan and Micki don't know because they don't know anything. Let's wrap this up.
Maya
No.
Patrick W.
So until next time, everybody. Thank you for joining in, patrons. You've been fabulous. Thank you so much for your support. And until next month, the store is closed.
Trae
Wait, are we gonna do our.
Flower Guy
Damn.
Patrick W.
I was just about to.
Trae
Sorry, I just. Ryan, the whole thing. I it up.
Maya
Don't wear that sweater. We'll forgive you.
Patrick W.
But before we go, we've got one thing to say to all of you. Damn you. Sorry.
Maya
Sorry about that.
Trae
Sorry. Sorry. Not sorry.
Trae knows way too much about 80s slashers for his own good.