Damn You, Uncle Lewis #2 - THE POISON PEN

Patrick00:00:08

Hello again, dear patron, welcome. Do come in. Do come in out of the rain and the cold. Welcome once again to my most unusual curio shop. I am Patrick Walsh.Thank you for joining me again in my emporium dedicated to the weird, the unusual, and the downright fabulous. Now I know why you're here. The 13th has come again on the calendar, which means it's time. It is time once again, for us to gather and discuss.Uncle Lewis. Yes, he left us this shop. He left us everything in it. On the surface, he was a very good man.But sometimes Uncle Louis does dreadful things, and we need to discuss what he's done this month.This is the podcast that is dedicated to Friday the 13th, the series where once a month, every month, we go through the next episode chronologically through Friday the 13th, the television series. And we are up to season one, episode two, the poison pen.And as always, I am joined by my fellow shopkeepers and enthusiasts of the weird, unusual and fabulous. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Maya Murphy and Trae Dean.

Trae00:01:23

Hey, how y' all doing?

Patrick00:01:25

Oh, I was doing great until Uncle Lewis got up to his tricks again. My goodness, that

Trae00:01:30

keeps everyone busy.

Patrick00:01:32

Not even stationary is safe.

Maya00:01:36

You'd think stationary would be so mundane, so dry, and yet here we.

Patrick00:01:40

By definition, it should be stationary. Stay in one place, do nothing. But no, no, no, no, no. Bringing doom.

Trae00:01:46

And the devil ruins everything.

Patrick00:01:50

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. So who's hiding behind the camera on the Poison Pen? Well, in the director's chair, we have Timothy Bond.Timothy Bond, one of the more Prolific Friday the 13th directors. He directed nine episodes, including Voodoo Mambo, Eye of Death, and Shadow Boxer.Timothy works primarily in Canadian tv, directing episodes of Goosebumps, Hercules and Sliders. And the Poison Pen was written by Dunford King.Dunford King wrote three episodes of Friday the 13th, the series besides the Poison Pen, he wrote the Great Montaro and Double Exposure. Dunford did work a lot. He only has seven credits, but his other credits do include a lot of children's tv. That's pretty cool.Including she Ra and the Real Ghostbusters. Who wants to give a quickie little summary of what goes on this episode? Who did it last time?

Maya00:02:33

Oh, I don't remember. I think you asked us both to do it, and neither of us were great.

Patrick00:02:39

So I think Maya just volunteered. I think I got my finger on my nose. And we can't see what Trey is doing.

Maya00:02:43

So you can't see me. I can't hide. I have nowhere to go. All right.

Patrick00:02:47

Nope, nope. Nope, nope.

Maya00:02:50

The title.

Patrick00:02:50

I learned that trick from you, by.

Maya00:02:52

The way, hiding the nosegay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I taught that to my parents. I was very proud.Okay, so one of the cursed objects that has been sold is a pin that can make only evil things happen. And it has been used to murder several monks. Monks. Only regular people to think just monks.

Patrick00:03:18

No, that's. they say the Oracle. Well, whoever's using this. Whoever is using this pen is causing quite a sensation because now he's.Like a tabloid headline. The Oracle of Death predicts another disaster. And he's predicted an earthquake and some other disaster and a fire and a plane crash.So it's been stuff outside of the monastery, but now all of a sudden, the focus is going inward. It's this monk in seclusion that's got the pen predicting disasters all around.And now all of a sudden, all the deaths keep getting closer and closer.

Trae00:03:49

To home, and that's because the budget was low. So you just film on one set.

Patrick00:03:54

But what a set. It was a great set. I got to say, I love the monastery set.

Maya00:03:57

The set was good.

Patrick00:03:59

Yeah, it was nice. It was dark, it was moody. It was everything I want. It didn't. Look, granted, there were ridiculous additions in the real world.

Maya00:04:05

Allowed to use electricity, though. Like, these were some weird, like, Amish monks. Like, things were odd things. This was a different monastery.

Patrick00:04:13

Yeah, well. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You do not understand the comings and goings of the Eternal Brotherhood.

Maya00:04:19

They don't allow women, so I just. I'd have a hard time learning, I guess.

Patrick00:04:23

I'm sorry. The Eternal Brotherhood. Sounds like a group. Like a musical group. Ladies and gentlemen, the Eternal Brotherhood.

Maya00:04:27

Oh, yeah, they do have a lot.

Trae00:04:30

Of trees to pick up.

Patrick00:04:30

And all the songs about their dicks and stuff would be terrible. Just a bunch of bros talking about our dicks. Yeah. But anyway, it's enough to catch the attention of our.Of our friends down in Curious Goods, because Ryan's going on. He's. Oh, The Oracle of Death has predicted another death.

Ryan00:04:50

Did you get a load of this Oracle of Death, this monk? He claims to be able to predict people's deaths.

Micki00:04:55

That's ridiculous.

Ryan00:04:56

Not for people lying in the ground today. No, no. He's already predicted a fire, an airplane crash, and the deaths of eight people.

Micki00:05:05

Nobody can predict the future.

Ryan00:05:06

How can you predict that?

Patrick00:05:07

He predicted the death of the abbot of the order that he's in. And when Jack looks at the newspaper article, he's like, I recognize that pen.

Trae00:05:14

I wrote that down. It's like a black and white photo, and he's like, that pen. I know that quill.

Maya00:05:18

I know that quill. Like, oh, sure you do. But. All right.

Jack00:05:22

Oh, my goodness. No!

Jack00:05:24

A pen.

Micki00:05:24

What?

Jack00:05:25

He's using a quill pen.

Ryan00:05:27

A pen. Don't most monks use quill pens?

Jack00:05:30

But not that particular pen. I picked that one up in Tierra del Fuego. It's made from a tail feather from a giant Chilean condor. They're the worst kind. Lewis loved that.Said he got a handsome price for it, too. Pens, pens, pens, pens.

Jack00:05:44

But, yeah, here we are.

Jack00:05:45

Quill pen set in silver. Number 46 295. Sold to one Rupert Seldom.

Patrick00:05:53

I plucked that bird myself. But, you know, that's Jack.

Maya00:05:57

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's. It was a Peruvian condor. The worst kind of condor. Like, don't be judging birds.

Trae00:06:03

Jack's pretending like he's interesting.

Maya00:06:05

Oh, he's trying so hard.

Patrick00:06:09

Well, he can't compete with the hair.

Maya00:06:11

He can't compete with the hair. But he. He gets a fighting chance this episode. Because we hide the hair.

Patrick00:06:17

Yeah, we do hide the hair. Because. Surprising choices. There was some surprising choices for the second episode that right away, they're going deep undercover.Micki and Ryan have to go undercover at the monastery. Which means what?

Maya00:06:29

Okay, so they make these bogus choices. They're like, not only are we gonna pass you both off as men, but you definitely came from England. For reasons no one tries to do an accent.They're supposed to be from Yorkshire, which, granted, is a difficult accent, but she doesn't pass for a man. Not for a hot second. And, oh, they do such a bad. Like, I wrote down in my notes, that is not how you bind.Like, he's wrapping her in Ace bandage, but she's still got this, like, tiny little 80s boobies frame. And I'm like, that's not. You are not helping.

Trae00:07:01

Well, with the hood on, she looks like Tilda Swinton at times.

Maya00:07:04

Yes.

Patrick00:07:04

Yes, she did look like Tilda Swinton at times, which is not a bad. Oh, the cheekbones. Yes, those cheekbones were a giveaway.

Ryan00:07:09

Hey.

Ryan00:07:10

You don't have to put on your robe just yet.

Micki00:07:11

Yes, I do. I look terrible.

Ryan00:07:13

No. No, you don't. You're the cutest boy I've ever seen. The best. Built, too.

Patrick00:07:19

Stop this. This episode had a high incest quotient.

Maya00:07:23

Stop hitting on your cousin. And then I started making tick marks every time he did it again. Yeah.

Trae00:07:27

Oh, you know he wants her.

Patrick00:07:29

What? I enjoyed this One we open at the monastery and they're having this meeting and they're discussing selling the monastery.And the abbot is saying, absolutely not. No way. We're not in this for the money. We don't need the money. We need this for the monks. We're doing God's work here. We're not selling. Period.End of story. Next scene, you see somebody scribbling with the poison pen, like, elaborate calligraphy and scary whispers.

Le Croix00:07:50

Brother Caballano has always marveled at the miracle of flight. And as he watches his engine take flight, he dreams of flying himself, but he will be sadly deduded.

Maya00:08:11

Oh, yeah. And doing this, like, total Asmr version of sometimes he will take flight.

Patrick00:08:19

Totally Asmr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was effective, though. It was effective.

Trae00:08:24

And he wasn't just writing it down. He was doing calligraphy with, like, the first letter in a little box and very elaborate.

Maya00:08:31

Oh. Fully illuminated, but then also, like, they close the book right after they finished writing. I'm like, no, you have to let the ink dry.You've obviously never done this before.

Patrick00:08:41

Well, clearly you've never written with a cursed pen before. You don't need a blotter with a devil pen.

Maya00:08:46

Doesn't have to dry all.

Trae00:08:47

It's an upside.

Patrick00:08:48

And the calligraphy just happens.

Maya00:08:50

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's just a handwriting trait, which is going to come up again later.But also, I want to bring up, if we're talking about the meeting at the very beginning with the abbot and the other monks. They say, oh, well, surely it's not what our founder would have wanted.They gesture to this painting of a monk taking something away from a Native American, and they never come back to that as a plot point. And I'm just like, why is there an Indian in the painting? Do you want to. That seems like a choice.

Patrick00:09:15

Well, this is my thing. Like we said, this is an order undeterminate to church. Undeterminate. But the person that they gestured to is distinctly a Capuchin monk.How does Catholic boy know this?

Trae00:09:27

How?

Patrick00:09:28

Capuchin monks have that distinctive haircut that's like a ring around their head. By the way, that's why cappuccino is called that, because it looks like a little cappuccin monk.If you do the foam correct, it sticks to the rim of the cup.

Maya00:09:41

Oh, etymology, you bastard. Yeah.

Trae00:09:44

This is a very educational episode.

Patrick00:09:46

Things I learned in Rome. Things I learned in Rome at the cappuccin monastery. They're like, have you ever drunk one of a little Me? I'm like, what Cappuccino. It's like a mayor.

Trae00:09:56

Hey.

Patrick00:09:56

I'm like, okay, I don't know what's happening, but yeah, but none of them have that. And yet they're handling animals like they're Franciscan. But they're clearly not because I've dealt with Franciscans.

Maya00:10:05

Francis, the patron saint of vegetarians. I went to Assisi.

Patrick00:10:08

Thank you, thank you. I went to a Franciscan college. And they are all about love, peace, pet the animals. Here's all the information. Process it all.Make your own decisions, man. I'm gonna be hanging over here smoking some doobies behind the. But yeah, they're very chill. Very chill. So this was totally not them either.But whatever. We're hearing the scary thing about how he always admired the miracle. Flyton wished it for himself.And now he's going to get a taste of it, but it's all going.

Maya00:10:32

To go terribly wrong while he's working with carrier pensions. Yeah, like carrier pigeons.

Patrick00:10:37

A very Franciscan thing to do.

Maya00:10:39

They say the monastery is in the middle of the city. So he's sending the carrier pigeons somewhere else. Locally in this city.

Patrick00:10:46

He has a pigeon coop. Maybe it's not carrier pigeons.

Maya00:10:49

Just a pigeon pigeon. No, he was affixing something to one of their little legs. It wasn't just a coop on the roof. There was messages and maybe it was.

Patrick00:10:58

Like an order to Subway.

Maya00:11:01

Please send me the sandwich. I am so tired of brown rice.

Trae00:11:05

So hungry. Because if he used the pen to get a order some subs and it would be like, no, no. Mustard, devil sub. Devil sub. Just like Homer Simpson.

Patrick00:11:15

It'd be an actual sub. marine

Maya00:11:19

Wait. But we get to the self flagellation later, there's a sub.

Patrick00:11:22

He starts flying. He starts flying. He starts levitating in the air. And he's got his arms out. He's got this look at his face. Like, I feel happy.

Maya00:11:29

I feel happy.

Patrick00:11:30

I feel happy.

Maya00:11:34

At last God has granted me the thing I want. And then they cut to this stuntman who you can see rotate in the air to land on the pillow

Patrick00:11:40

Yeah, yeah. Well, hey, what are you gonna do? But no, he doesn't all of a sudden it just drop. He just gets dropped like a rock off the side of the bell tower.

Le Croix00:11:58

One more obstacle has been removed from my ascendancy to appet of the eternal brotherhood

Patrick00:12:08

on top of some occasional lawn furniture. And then he's getting.

Maya00:12:14

But nowhere else. When we find him on the ground, like, I'm not really sure where the chest blood came from.

Patrick00:12:19

And the blood from his mouth was going up.

Maya00:12:23

Gravity.

Patrick00:12:23

It was Going down from his mouth, which meant it was up because he was backwards. But whatever, whatever. It's a detail.

Maya00:12:28

He's dead now.

Patrick00:12:28

Bing Bong Patrick from the future here letting you know that the doomed brother Capilano was played by an actor called Lewis Gordon. Lewis Gordon was very interesting. He was an older actor obviously, but he didn't do a lot of work until late in the 60s, especially on film.What's curious about him is that most of his film stuff was for Canadian tv, specifically to doing Shakespearean adaptations. He was in the Tempest, as yous Like It, Romeo and Juliet, all these high class Shakespeare for TV stuff.But the other thing he was doing at the same time, the very few credits that he had are all Shakespeare or forgotten 3D movies of the 80s because he was in not one but two absolute stinker 3D movies. Both of which I did pay to see in the theater back in the 80s.And I'm talking about Treasure of the Four Crowns, which is a Raiders of the Lost Ark rip off and coming at you, which I don't remember what it was except that it was terrible. Because if you were a 3D movie and you couldn't keep a 13 year old entertained, that movie stunk. That is the of range I love to see in an actor.High art and complete shit. Rock on. Lewis Jordan, thank you for your contribution, but unfortunately you're done here on Friday the 13th because you're dead.Abbott is dead, the Abbot's dead. And it's enough to get Micki and Ryan's and, and Jack's attention. They send everybody undercover and disguise Micki as a boy.And to cover it up even more, can we talk about how not chill Micki is this entire episode?

Trae00:13:39

Oh, she's a total bitch.

Micki00:13:41

Well, I'm sorry, but sometimes when I find myself locked in a cell in a monastery pretending to be a boy, tracking down a cursed quill pen, the funny farm sounds preferable.

Maya00:13:50

I mean, she's not uptight. She's uptight, but also she has nowhere to like pee in peace. Like I feel for her.

Patrick00:13:58

Yeah, they have that scene where they're like. They find out. First of all, it's a bit. They're getting led into the monastery and they see some weird.Like I just watched it again before we started and there are things going on in the background, in the hallway. In a couple of these scenes we're going, what's happening? Was that a little person I saw just kind of like toddling towards somebody behind them?

Trae00:14:15

I thought it was someone on his knees. I thought someone on their Knees.

Maya00:14:19

I saw. There's the monk who's whipping himself. Yeah.

Patrick00:14:21

Self flagellation, which went out with Vatican ii, by the way. Nobody does that. And if you're gonna do that, close your door.And the thing is, the guy who's leading them through, who I call Brother Louis Anderson.

Maya00:14:30

Oh, I decided he was Dom Deluise when we recast it.

Patrick00:14:33

Yeah, he's just like all sweaty and stuff and weird and stuff.

Maya00:14:35

Real bad hair.

Patrick00:14:36

He's giving them the tour and they pass this room where there's this guy, Brother, shirtless, beating himself with a whip of ropes.

Trae00:14:43

And.

Patrick00:14:43

And he's just like, hmm, doesn't close the door. Nothing like that would have been.

Maya00:14:48

No, no, he's virtue signaling. He wants everyone to know how he suffers.

Patrick00:14:51

Yeah.

Trae00:14:52

Or he was just kind of looking at it like, you cool with this? Just to see, you know.

Maya00:14:54

Hey, hey, hey. You want some of this? You want some of this?

Patrick00:14:57

This is where you come. But also, this is the room for this kind of action. But if you want Glory hole action, you gotta go to the shower.But no, they get to the room, they have to share a room. Micki's not chill about this at all. Oh my God, I can't believe we have to share a room. Blah, blah, blah. What you expect?It's gonna be the fucking Hilton? Well, you have to share a room with your cousin. Big deal.

Micki00:15:12

It's one room.

Ryan00:15:13

What can I say? They think you're one of the boys.

Patrick00:15:15

But the big thing is they asked, so where's the lavoratories? And the guy is delighted to announce.

Drake00:15:20

Ah, yes, the communal bathroom and showers Are just down the corridor.

Patrick00:15:24

So the monk who just gleefully pointed out the communal toilet is Brother Drake, or Brother Louis Anders, as I called him earlier. Brother Drake was played by an actor called A.C. peterson. He's had several name changes over the years.He had a different one when he shot the show, but currently he's going as A.C. peterson. He'll be back again for the episodes the Mephisto Ring and Jack in the Box. But this guy has an amazing resume.Like 225 credits and still counting, still alive, still working. And he has worked on absolutely everything. He's won a whole bunch of awards for a short film called the Last Christmas.And he was a regular on something called Pay youy Bill, which he also won every acting award on the planet. But he was in Shanghai Noon, Scooby Doo 2, Monster Island, Sucker Punch, He Never Died, with Henry Rollins and A Christmas Horror Story.A resume like that. So much work, so much clout, and yet he still appreciates the joyful simplicity of a communal toilet.

Maya00:16:12

It's the only fun the monks get to have.

Patrick00:16:14

And I'm thinking, I'm like, wait a minute. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Communal toilets. What does that mean? What does that mean?

Maya00:16:23

Oh, maybe it's like the ancient Roman style, where it would just be like a bench with holes cut out to get down into the cestine.

Patrick00:16:28

One big bowl and you'll have to face in and watch each other. It's all there, no?

Maya00:16:35

Oh, yeah. See everyone else's faces. That sounds good.

Trae00:16:38

Well, there was, like, a glory hole, like a peephole where someone's looking in. I was like, what's that for?

Patrick00:16:43

Micki does it.

Maya00:16:44

Yeah, it's communal, but there's also a peephole. Like, I don't know. That sounds voyeuristic and intentional.

Patrick00:16:49

Uh huh. Uh huh. Totally important reference. But I was like, why is there people? Why is it at crotch height? And why is it in a monastery? Never mind.I just answered my own questions.

Trae00:16:57

There you go.

Patrick00:16:59

If you don't know whose dick it is, it's not a sin.

Maya00:17:02

I don't.

Patrick00:17:03

It could be Jesus.

Maya00:17:04

I'm not sure about that.

Patrick00:17:05

It could be a miracle. It could be a miracle dick coming through the wall.You don't know

Maya00:17:07

miracle dick!

Patrick00:17:11

But Micki, in order to help cover that she's a girl. They also say that she's taken a vow of silence. Bitch cannot shut up or stop yelling.

Trae00:17:21

She talks the entire episode when people are right around her.

Patrick00:17:26

She's the opposite of chill.

Trae00:17:29

With them going undercover. I was hoping for, like, a Charlie's Angels type of episode, but she just ruined it. She was not having any fun.

Patrick00:17:35

No, no.

Trae00:17:35

I wanted some wigs going on or something.

Maya00:17:38

Oh, yeah, some wigs or the. I was wearing a latex mask the entire time.

Trae00:17:42

Yes, because you get that one guy with a mullet. So obviously their hair is. Their hair coat is very, very lax.

Maya00:17:49

Oh, the hair was all over the place this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't learn that monk's name. He was just Bad hair Monk in my notes.

Patrick00:17:56

Yeah, that was Brother Drake A.G. peterson, and we talked about him already.

Maya00:17:59

I. I liked.I liked some of the sneaking around when Micki wasn't complaining, when they were actually doing what they were supposed to do, which is go find this pen. Like, it was very Laverne and Shirley. Like, oh, no hijinks.

Trae00:18:12

Yeah, very Shirley. Scooby Doo.

Patrick00:18:14

Yes. Well, they know. They know that the. The Oracle of Death is this Brother Curry who's in seclusion at this monastery. So they have to find Brother Curry.

Ryan00:18:22

We want to talk to you about your pen. No, no, the quill pen. We know all about it.

Drake00:18:31

I'm afraid Brother Curry won't be able to be of much help. See, like Brother Simon, he too was taking a vow of silence to get the pen.

Patrick00:18:39

So they've been sneaking around trying to get access to him and things like that. So that's their goal.

Maya00:18:43

Oh, what, what are their, their monk names? I wrote them down, but I can.

Patrick00:18:46

Matthew and Simon.

Maya00:18:47

Matt, Matthew and Simon.

Patrick00:18:49

From the Yorkshire office. Office, Office.

Trae00:18:51

Office.

Maya00:18:51

From the Yorkshire office. But no one's gonna do a Yorkshire accent. Cause shit's hard.

Trae00:18:55

And also when Jack was writing in their little like, I guess, introductory message, he's like, it's a good thing I've got 14th century parchment.

Maya00:19:01

And I was like, okay, why vellum? It's just goat skin. You don't. Why are they. Okay, so I get. So I don't understand why these monks are still using all this old stuff.I think God thinks it's okay if you use printer paper. But like, why would you have a 14th century technology for current invite? Like none of this monastery rules made any sense to me.

Patrick00:19:25

No, it's just what people think a monastery is going to be like. Again, broadest pen, broadest pen.

Trae00:19:32

And they just walk up to the gate like, here's our. Here's our invitation. Like, okay, great, come on in.

Patrick00:19:38

Nobody calls.

Trae00:19:40

Nope. New Yorkshire.

Maya00:19:41

They can't call because they're not allowed to have a phone.

Trae00:19:44

Oh, that's why the guy had the carrier pigeon early on.

Patrick00:19:46

Oh, okay, there we go.

Maya00:19:48

But later in the episode, I think we mentioned a telegram.

Patrick00:19:51

Yes. They get a telegram.

Maya00:19:53

Yeah.

Patrick00:19:53

Regarding the real Matthew and Simon who meet unfortunate ends.

Trae00:19:57

So telegrams.

Maya00:19:58

I want to talk about that later.

Patrick00:19:59

I gotta talk about that too. There's lots of problems here, but it's all fun. It's all fun. One of the things that I thought was off about the monastery is like, there's no chapel.Like there should be a chapel.

Maya00:20:12

Is that not where we were? Where was the meditation?

Patrick00:20:14

It was this weird fire pit. It's this weird fire pit which is super pagan.

Maya00:20:18

There was some like quasi Gregorian chant going on.

Patrick00:20:21

Uh huh. Is that happening? But it also, like this one point is everybody being reverent and this one guy's just like eating Cheetos out of a bag.

Trae00:20:29

I saw that, I was like, what is he doing?

Maya00:20:31

That's like eating in church.

Patrick00:20:33

This is your chapel. Like, I'm Assuming this is your. What, you're substituted. Shooting as a chapel. This is your point of focus for your monastery.And you're just eating Cheetos looking at your sacred fire. Whatever. I loved it.

Maya00:20:42

It's like God wanted him to have Cheetos.

Patrick00:20:44

Whatever it was, he was some out of plastic bag made me happy. One of my favorite parts is when they're, they're out in the fields and they're being forced to work and Micki's bitching.

Maya00:20:54

Yeah, she's very upset.

Patrick00:20:56

One of the other brothers runs by one of the older, like, really old ones. That would be actor Gillie Fenwick, who has extensive, extensive credit, like 50, 60 years of movie credits.The one that really stuck out to me was the 1969 version of the Strange Case. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Oracle of death has made another prediction. That the Abbot is going to choke to death.Tonight,

Arrupe00:21:16

the Oracle of death has made another pronouncement.

Ryan00:21:18

What is it this time?

Arrupe00:21:19

The Abbot is going to die today.

Arrupe00:21:22

He is going to choke to death.

Ryan00:21:24

That's impossible. You don't even have an abbot.

Arrupe00:21:27

Good point.

Arrupe00:21:29

Perhaps then our concern has been misplaced.

Patrick00:21:34

But he's running and he's got his skirts hiked up past his knees like a Disney stepsister. Like a Disney stepsister. And it made me so happy. His legs are all buckled because he's old. I'm like, this is the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

Maya00:21:47

He doesn't want to trip. He's just so hype.

Patrick00:21:49

And he's old. He could die. I mean, he could just shatter.

Maya00:21:52

Well, he will die.

Patrick00:21:54

He will die. But you know, Micki's like, Ryan's like, well, hey, what's, what's the problem? That you guys don't have an abbot? You don't have a new abbot.There is no abbot. The Abbot's dead. You haven't picked a new abbot. Problem solved.

Maya00:22:05

Well, that's a relief. Thank you.

Patrick00:22:07

Uh huh.

Trae00:22:07

Yeah, we don't have to worry about that anymore.

Patrick00:22:09

Uh huh. I did enjoy his Ebenezer Scrooge pajamas.

Trae00:22:12

Oh, those were crazy.

Maya00:22:14

Yeah. And then like, he had the step stool for the bed, but he didn't need it.He kept swinging his feet around to the bed and he could like, touch the floor with his feet. It was like your set dresser tried so hard.

Trae00:22:25

A dressing gown and a nightcap.

Patrick00:22:26

Hey, that guy, he's like, I got gams and I'm gonna show them off. I hacked up my skirts before. I'm gonna show them off in the scene. I've only got two scenes. I'm gonna show off my damn legs at my selling point.They always have me.

Maya00:22:35

Get in the bed.

Patrick00:22:37

Eat your heart out, Betty Grable.

Maya00:22:43

So he gets promoted by letter to be Abbott. There's no letter.

Patrick00:22:48

As he's going to bed, he gets a memo. Oh, by the way, you're the Abbott.

Trae00:22:50

Abbott.

Maya00:22:51

Oh, by the way. And he's like, good night self, Abbott.

Patrick00:22:54

And then he's like, oh, wait, but it's too late.

Maya00:22:58

And then his canopy bed turns into this like collapsing tower of terror thing to get him. And he's trying to tear through all these membrane bits of bed to not choke to death.

Patrick00:23:09

And it's bizarre and like the sheets are holding him in place. And I had. I actually when we used to have a housekeeper, whenever she. She came in once a week, whenever she did beds, it was like that.You would get on and you couldn't move. Just like the death trap of sheets. So that would have been me had Clara. Clara would have killed me. That way.We have canopy bed, come down and smoosh, smoosh. It's the oracle of death.

Maya00:23:33

No, canopy is supposed to fit like this.

Patrick00:23:34

It's fine, the whole thing. We're also having to deal with Brother Lacroix.

Le Croix00:23:40

Why is it you were found sneaking around looking for Brother Curry the other evening?

Ryan00:23:45

Brother Lacroix, we just want to see him in person.

Le Croix00:23:47

That will be quite impossible. Brother Curry is a troubled man. His gift is his burden and his agony. And he'd just as soon be left alone with it. That's why he's in seclusion.In future, you will keep your mind on your devotions.

Patrick00:24:04

Lacroix, can we get three snaps for Brother Lacroix?

Trae00:24:10

Girl.

Patrick00:24:12

Girl. Brother Lacroix was played by veteran Canadian character actor Colin Fox.Colin Fox, hugely respected guy, worked in every possible genre, did tons and tons of voice work, won all kinds of awards. He was a Genie award nominee for his work on the animated series Atomic Betty. He was nominated for Puppets that Kill as well.But he will be back two more times on Friday the 13th. The series both times playing exemplary villains in Heads I Live Tales yous Die. As well as the Butcher.He was also a regular on the Canadian series Psy Factor. He was in Tommy Boy in his time. On Friday the 13th, Colin Fox became one of my favorite Friday the 13th villains.And so I'm sad to learn, going back to do research, to do ads for this episode, that since you recorded it, Colin Fox passed away. He died in April of 2025. So thank you, Colin Fox, for everything and I will see you on the other side. Back to the show.I really got a kick out of this actor. Colin Fox, I think his name is. I wrote it down somewhere. Yeah, Colin Fox.

Maya00:25:09

Every single line he had, he managed to get in this like, like sinister chuckle.

Patrick00:25:15

Sinister chuckle. And also just like, just a little bit of. Just a little bit of old school Hollywood. Joan Crawford in every single one of.

Maya00:25:23

The queer coded villain like Scar. Like.

Patrick00:25:27

Well, if you can't tell who the villain is in this episode, I'm gonna say every line like Bill.

Maya00:25:35

But.

Patrick00:25:36

But it totally works. I love. His name is Lacroix. So of course now I'm calling her brother baby. Spew Lacroix.

Maya00:25:40

Not. Not Lacroix.

Patrick00:25:41

Lacroix, baby. Spew Lacroix, baby.

Trae00:25:45

I got the reference.

Patrick00:25:46

Thank you, Trey. Thank you, thank you.

Trae00:25:47

I know that reference.

Patrick00:25:49

They figured out that the pen was sold to Rupert Selden, who was some businessman who's been accused of killing his business partner and then disappeared. So they don't know how to be honest, they don't know how the pen got from this guy to brother to the monastery.

Trae00:26:03

Brother Curry, Brother Tim Curry got me confused. I just gave up. Halfway through trying to figure out what's going on, I was like, okay, this is way too convoluted.

Patrick00:26:10

No, no, no.

Maya00:26:11

I made a chart because it was weird.

Patrick00:26:14

Brother Tim Curry has a pen, but apparently he's an associate. It turns out the bra is actually Rupert Seldon. He killed some guy and they went into hiding.

Maya00:26:22

They made offices and Brother Curry was actually some guy named Frank.

Curry00:26:27

Those brothers from Yorkshire, they know about.

Le Croix00:26:30

The pen, do they? Then we will have to write up another epitaph.

Curry00:26:34

No, we must stop.

Curry00:26:36

Too many innocent people have died already. Don't disappoint me, Frank. We made a deal. If it wasn't for me, you'd be behind bars right now. This is better than jail.

Curry00:26:47

Cooped up here day in, day out, no one to talk to. Knowing that every time you write in that diary someone else is going to die.

Maya00:27:01

And they. They had a book deal. And he agreed to be locked up in the monastery for a half a million dollar book deal.

Curry00:27:09

Can't keep torturing me like this.

Le Croix00:27:13

I wouldn't call splitting a half million dollar advance in the Oracle's life story exactly torture. I don't care about the money anymore. I care about the money.

Maya00:27:23

This is the $8,000 advanced. Tiny sum, huh?

Trae00:27:30

Huh?

Trae00:27:30

And if you have a pen that lets you Kill people? This is what you come up with? This is your grand plan?

Maya00:27:39

Oh, I also wrote down Lacroix in that. In that scene has an evil cigar. Back to your point.If you said if you couldn't figure out who the bad guy is, he's the one lighting a cigar and laughing about other people's deaths.

Patrick00:27:54

Yeah. And his ultimate game is to become the Abbot so he can sell the monastery for $10 million and make off with that money as well.

Maya00:28:01

Oh, yes.

Patrick00:28:03

So that's what the whole game is. But did you recognize Brother Curry? This is a deep cut. This is a deep cut for Heart, for Canadian horror fans.Brother Curry was Mayor Hannigan for My Bloody Valentine.

Trae00:28:20

Huh.

Patrick00:28:21

The original.

Trae00:28:21

Did not know that.

Patrick00:28:22

Not again. It can't be happening again. It just. This can't be happening again. That actor has a name and his name is Larry Reynolds. He was also.He was also in Killer Workout, also known as a Robocide, which is another horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible movie.

Maya00:28:39

Amazing. I'll have to keep an eye out.

Patrick00:28:40

Oh, that one's dreadful. Not to be confused with Death Spot.

Maya00:28:44

You're gonna have to make me a chart. I'm already lost.

Patrick00:28:48

But no, he's, he's a. He's. He did tons of Canadian horror and it was, it was. I was happy when I finally recognized him going, I know, I know that face.I know I know that face. I know I know that face. But yeah, so he's being kept in seclusion. He's supposedly doing all the writing, but he's not.It's actually Brother Lacroix who's doing all the writing and pinning it on him.

Maya00:29:07

Yeah. Blaming Brother Curry for all of it, so he can't trace the actions directly to Lacroix. Lacroix. See, now I'm confused. Lacroix. Rupert.

Trae00:29:16

See, this just made no sense to me. I was just. I was. I didn't get any of it in terms of why they're doing it this way. Yeah, I did.

Maya00:29:23

It didn't make a lot of sense even when I got it right. So I don't blame you.

Patrick00:29:28

But fortunately, into all, you know, they're not, they're not, you know, another. Another brother has been killed and. Oh no, now Jack has to step in and he shows up as Brother Lucky Charms.

Ryan00:29:37

Brother Jack.where from?

Jack00:29:37

We're from the Emerald Isle, my boy. Oh.

Jack00:29:40

Ireland itself. I think that's a fine looking crop.

Jack00:29:44

Of burgundy grapes you got there.

Jack00:29:47

I predict you're gonna have a vintage year. Not that we know an awful lot about it. Where I Come from?You know, we prefer something that put a little more hair on your chest and take the lighting out of your throat.

Le Croix00:29:57

I'll leave you to it. Ah, thank you.

Jack00:29:58

Bless you, brother. You're a darling man. Darling.

Maya00:30:01

But Jack does anaccent. Jack made an effort. At least someone was doing an accent and trying to pass as from somewhere else.

Patrick00:30:08

For no reason. For no reason. There was no reason for anybody to be doing accents, to be really honest.

Maya00:30:14

They're supposed to be from. I don't know, maybe he got to Yorkshire from Ireland. But, yeah, he was. Brother Lucky Charms, definitely.

Patrick00:30:20

But he's made it. He's. He's found a. A photo of the pen he found, like, the guy. Cause he actually bought the pen before it was cursed and gave it to Uncle Lewis.So he tracked down the guy he got it from, so he got a diagram of it. So he's made a copy of it. So the plan is to swap out the fake pen for the curse pen.

Maya00:30:37

Yeah. We can do a switcheroo when they find it because they'll notice if we try to steal their object. Probably.

Patrick00:30:42

Well, you know.

Trae00:30:45

Well, once again, why do the switcheroo just take the object and leave? Like, what are they going to do?

Maya00:30:49

Because then we don't get Father Lucky Charms.

Patrick00:30:51

We don't get Father Lucky Charms. That's too easy. Yeah, that's too easy.

Trae00:30:54

That's true. We need Father Lucky Charm. It was like Bosley coming in to help the angels.

Patrick00:30:57

Thank you. Exactly right. Because, like, these two are hopeless. They're hopeless.

Maya00:31:01

Hopeless.

Patrick00:31:02

Micki can't stop bitching and Ryan just. Just can't stop hitting on his cousin.

Maya00:31:08

If you think I'm taking a communal shower, you've got another think coming.

Trae00:31:11

One can hope, can't one? What could have been worse?

Maya00:31:14

How?

Trae00:31:15

Could have only been one bit.

Maya00:31:17

All he does is hit on it. He's like, oh, wow, you're a pretty boy. And she's like, get your hands off.

Patrick00:31:22

Get your hands off me. We're related. He's like, it could be worse. There could be only one bed. Stop it.

Maya00:31:29

So gross. Stop.

Patrick00:31:31

Stop it.

Trae00:31:31

And we need to talk about the dungeon.

Maya00:31:34

We do need to talk about the dungeon. Why is there a guillotine? Why is it a very well lit guillotine in the middle of the room? Who put your toys away? And a skeleton.

Patrick00:31:43

And a skeleton. A dead person in it. I mean, some of this track.Cause I mean, I know, like, certain things with monasteries are, like, if you go to Rome, there's, like churches where the altar is Built with the bones of its former monks.

Maya00:31:56

Or you go down into the basement and they just have for display, like bones of several people who are important to the church. However, I kind of get some of that.

Patrick00:32:05

A torture chamber seems really specific since that. For me, I would say I could see if we had that. If this particular order has been running since the time of the Spanish Inquisition.

Maya00:32:13

Is not for torture. The guillotine was invented for a quick and painless death.

Patrick00:32:17

Thank you. I know that. But there are other things in there that were torturous, that were those cages and stuff. I'm like, let's get to all this stuff.But okay, we get the quick and painless death for the French Revolution, which didn't happen again, nor did the Spanish Inquisition. Why do you have this stuff?

Trae00:32:32

Well, they had a word.

Patrick00:32:33

Why is it lit? Why are there 500 candles in here, lit all the time? Who's coming in here and lighting the torture chamber every day?

Maya00:32:39

Well, maybe it's like a roommate chartwheel. Like, okay, well, it's Brother Francisco's turn to light all the candles in the guillotine room.

Patrick00:32:47

Just in case we need my turn to put the shoes on. The carrier pigeons don't turn the light candles. Brother Lacqua is getting suspicious. I think some. Oh, he has to turn the table.

Maya00:33:00

Oh, he has the fight with. With Curry. With Frank. So then he decides to get rid of Brother Curry, right?

Le Croix00:33:09

Some of God's chosen ones are tormented creatures. Such is the case with Brother Curry, who will decide. His only recourse is to join the Holy Spirit in a most gross way.

Maya00:33:33

Because he says, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to live it up. This is worse than prison. I don't want to do this. And then he just, like, is like, cool. That's fine.I'll just kill you right now. Like, no, no. Thought process. He doesn't look conflicted at all. He's like, fine, I will take all of the real estate money and the book money.

Patrick00:33:47

Yeah, no problem. Well, technically, he doesn't need him. So the oracle of death is no more, and he commits. Predicts his own suicide by guillotine.If you got a guillotine, use that guillotine. I guess it's Chekhov's guillotine. If you introduce a guillotine, you gotta use it.

Maya00:34:05

We didn't introduce the guillotine in Act 1, though, so I don't know. Sloppy Chekhov.

Patrick00:34:11

Canadian. Chekhov, Canadian.

Maya00:34:13

Chekhov.

Patrick00:34:13

Canadian Checkup. Did we lose Trae? No, I'm here Okay, sorry, you just got quiet.

Maya00:34:17

Just checking. He doesn't think we're being very funny.

Trae00:34:19

No, no, no.

Patrick00:34:20

Just fine. But so, yeah, so he chops his own head off, which is really dramatic. And everybody's fairly chill about all that too, which is kind of amazing.Oh, yeah.

Maya00:34:28

Everyone's so normal about it. Like, oh, well, he's dead. And that's. That's confusing. We gotta solve this mystery.

Patrick00:34:35

He was. He was a tortured soul.

Ryan00:34:37

Yeah.

Patrick00:34:38

You know, perhaps if you didn't have a guillotine, this wouldn't happen. Wouldn't have had ideas. But he. Now it's. Now. Now it's coming.Brother Lacroix is getting suspicious that Micki and Ryan aren't who they say they are or that they're. They're.

Maya00:34:53

And that they're just talking about the outdoor scene. After we get Brother Lucky Charms. When we scare Micki with a spider, we learn that Micki is afraid of spiders.

Patrick00:35:03

Yes, yes. Because she's a girl in a horror thing.

Maya00:35:07

Oh, yeah.

Patrick00:35:08

I'm not saying that girls are afraid of spider, but this is the thing. And it's Micki.

Trae00:35:13

She's.

Patrick00:35:15

Yeah. Ms. Satin Panties in the monastery.

Maya00:35:19

Oh, my God. Can we talk about her sleeping vest?

Patrick00:35:21

That's what I was going to go to. Because now, like, they're targeted.

Micki00:35:25

God created creatures both great and small. And sometimes small ones have the power to triumph over larger ones. Such will be the unfortunate fate of brothers Matthew and Simon from Yorkshire.

Maya00:35:50

She gets to see the scene and.

Patrick00:35:52

She is in like this full satin nightie thing. And like, her hair is the pillow. She might as well not have a pillow. It's just all voluminous hair.And a tarantula comes in and crawls on her and scares her. But it turns out that wasn't a big deal.

Maya00:36:12

Because, well, Brother Lucky Charms joins us and he goes, oh, not to worry. It's this kind of spider. It couldn't have killed you. Like, why do you know about all these animals? That's.

Patrick00:36:20

Oh, you know what he said? I'm playing the clip right now. He said,

Patrick00:36:24

what a cute little farrah faucid .

Patrick00:36:27

To me it sounded like, oh, what a cute little Farrah Fawcett.

Trae00:36:30

What a cute little Farrah Fawcett.

Patrick00:36:33

I played it three times. I still hear Farrah Fawcett.

Maya00:36:40

Maybe that's just what he calls fuzzy spiders.

Trae00:36:44

And then it turns out the spell didn't work right because she's under a different name. So the spell had a spider go to her, but it wasn't poisonous. So the spell didn't know about that. But then the other people who actually had the name.

Patrick00:36:58

Yeah. The actual monastery, they actually died.

Trae00:37:01

So it seems like the spell just didn't really know what the hell it was doing.

Maya00:37:04

We are really inconsistent with the rules of the poison pen throughout this episode. And I really want to talk about that at the conclusion also.But also, no one seems to care that they have caused the death of two brothers in the Yorkshire monastery. They're like, ah, whatever. We were getting our object back. Like, people died because you were bad.

Patrick00:37:23

At your job because you just had to take a shower.

Trae00:37:27

Oh.

Maya00:37:28

And she was like, oh, I can't wait to be a girl again.

Micki00:37:31

Oh, I can't wait to be a female again.

Patrick00:37:35

What is all the time. Brother Louis Anderson's at the people. Like, that's not right.

Maya00:37:43

Oh, yeah. Bad hair. Monk is like, aha. These people aren't who they are. I will only tell this one very corrupt monk.

Patrick00:37:50

Yes. When the chase is finally on, the gig's up, and they're trying. They're trying to. There's a whole nonsense running around show. Who's got the pen?Where's the pen? Who's got the pen? But they're trying to swap out the pen. Or where Jack gets busted by brother Lacroix and brother Lacroix pulls out a gun.

Maya00:38:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's holding the gun with the worst. Like, he has his little crooked elbow. And I'm like, I dare you to fire that. You'll break your arm.

Patrick00:38:12

He's holding it like a 1940s femme fatale. Thank you very much.

Maya00:38:16

You know, like the tiny little one that fits in your purse.

Patrick00:38:18

He's holding it like Jessica Rabbit would have held it. But Jack looks at him and goes.

Maya00:38:23

Jessica Rabbit doesn't have bones and can hold a gun however she wants.

Patrick00:38:27

Jack looks at him and goes, I.

Jack00:38:29

Thought you were meditating.

Le Croix00:38:30

But I am. Premeditating.

Maya00:38:37

Best line of the episode.

Patrick00:38:38

Yes, But this is the whole. It all ends up with this honky dude. Like, he's. He's like, I'm going to. I've got my pen back, and I'm gonna write your death warrants right now.But he actually.

Maya00:38:52

Oh, this piece of paper that happens to be right here on the skill team I was just trying to murder you with will be sufficient. I will write a story about the monk who assumes someone else's identity will meet a bad fate. And then it turns out his name's already signed on it.

Patrick00:39:07

Now all I have to do is sign your names, which I could have done already when I just said this person is going to die. But now I have to sign your names and announce I'm signing your names so that you can catch me in my own trap.

Le Croix00:39:20

The impostors came to the monastery posing as monks to meet certain death. They came to remove the sacred pen from its rightful owner. But tragedy will strike and this will not be accomplished.Now all I have to do is fill in your name.

Jack00:39:52

Names. You should never write what you've already signed.

Jack00:40:01

Rupert, stop. Your name on the original invoice, remember?

Maya00:40:07

But we've never announced that. Those are the rules of the pen. We were always oblique about all these other monk identities when we were predicting their deaths.

Patrick00:40:15

Like yeah, yeah.

Trae00:40:17

And does your name have to be just on the paper? Not any kind of context?

Patrick00:40:21

That's what it seemed like. That's what it seemed like.

Trae00:40:23

Okay, okay.

Maya00:40:24

They're like, haha, your name is already signed because. Oh, you know what we didn't talk about is how Jack identified his handwriting because he always writes in calligraphy.Yeah, Jack, because that's totally forensics. And also calligraphy is just handwriting. Not something that takes five times as long for no reason.

Trae00:40:46

Jack's the kind of guy who has to one up everybody.

Maya00:40:49

Oh yeah.

Trae00:40:49

Whatever you do, he's got something better.

Patrick00:40:52

This episode and the last episode we'll get in the wrap up because there's some things about the last episode I want to talk about in the wrap up as well that we didn't cover. But they were going to be for Patreon people only. But yes, we get a flying guillotine blade chasing him around with ridiculous 80s animation.

Maya00:41:10

Oh, I love that. It's flying around the room like.

Trae00:41:16

And it can fly, but it can't kill him. Exactly, exactly.

Maya00:41:20

It misses him the first time and it like lodges itself in the wall like. Oh well, I guess we fooled that curse.

Patrick00:41:26

I wanted it to like make that singing sound noise. Singing sword noise. And it was stuck in the wall like. But it's not. But it chases him down and he's got them got the.The your cast cornered by at gunpoint. And Micki goes

Micki00:41:43

behind you.

Le Croix00:41:44

Do you really expect me to fall for an old jo trick like that?

Maya00:41:51

He's like, you don't expect me to fall for that, do you?

Patrick00:41:54

Thwap.

Trae00:41:55

I'm saying why tell him, let him die. He's trying to kill you. Micki.

Maya00:41:59

The Blade is doing your job for you. Micki. Shut up.

Patrick00:42:02

Thank you. What I also love too is that the blade came around the corner, saw him backed up.

Maya00:42:10

Kinda gotta get that Extra momentum.

Patrick00:42:13

Even.

Maya00:42:13

Even real good.

Patrick00:42:15

Even the guillotine blade was gay in this episode. It's like, oh, wait, hold on. Bam. I could just come hurtling around the corner. But I'm gonna make this dramatic. You saw y' all see me? Y' all see me?Hold on, watch this. See, I'm doing stuff on camera now that you can't see, but it's hilarious.

Maya00:42:32

Oh, it's hilarious. I vouch for is.

Patrick00:42:35

The problem with this episode is that we were robbed. Robbed of our fashion choices.

Maya00:42:40

No sleep vest. Sleep vest all the way. It has this like little halter neck and it buttons down the front. It looks like the least comfortable thing to sleep in.And not like high waisted 80s panties.

Patrick00:42:50

Oh my God, the panties. She was in like some Victoria's Secret, like, stack. What?I'm like, what happened if there was a fight and he was no better, to be perfectly honest, he was in some like surfer T shirt and boxer shorts. I'm like, what happened if there was a fire? You guys were gonna get busted anyway. You have to keep this up 24 hours. Micki, come on now.

Maya00:43:07

Neither of them is very good at what they've set out to do.

Trae00:43:09

So did they do anything in this episode? Jack did all the work.

Maya00:43:13

Ms. Hearers, what did make you do the heavy lifting?

Patrick00:43:15

Jack did the. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Trae00:43:17

They made things worse.

Maya00:43:18

They found brother Curry the first time and that's when Lacroix was like, oh, he's taken a vow of silence and he can't talk to you. But that's it. That's all they did.

Trae00:43:31

They were pretty useless.

Maya00:43:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Patrick00:43:36

They were there to complain.

Trae00:43:38

Yeah. Especially Micki.

Patrick00:43:40

And for sexual, for some sexual chemistry. Stop it. You're related. You are related. We have not forgot. But she didn't bring. At least she did bring up her fiance this episode.

Trae00:43:52

You want to go back to Leonard, be my guest.

Maya00:43:54

Lloyd. All I wanted to do was get married and settle down. And I'm here and I still don't understand.

Patrick00:44:02

Why can't you. Why can't you get married?

Trae00:44:04

Well, this is the second episode she seems to have given up her entire life to go work at the curio store. And the husband and the fiance is cool with it, doesn't want to visit her.

Patrick00:44:15

There's a lot of issues. The stuff at the end of that last episode where Jack was like, I've always been fond of the name Curious Goods.And I'm like, so you just kind of waltzed in, you've taken over the business and you've decided you're living with them too. And they've had no say. And now I live here. And now in this episode, he's like, okay, there's a problem. There's a poison pen in the monastery.You guys are going in. I'm gonna stay here. Bye.

Trae00:44:36

I think this was Jack's plan all the time. And he just manipulated Micki and what's his face to do that.

Patrick00:44:41

Jack is really good at keeping himself out of danger, and I applaud him for that. He does it with a smile and charming. He's like, I'm so cute and fuzzy and I'm adorable and I'm huggable and I'm just goofy.

Maya00:44:50

I also know better than you about everything. Oh, an artist can always recognize his own work. Oh, I can do an actual accent, like Jesus.

Trae00:44:58

Yeah. And Ryan's trying to get laid and Micki's just whining because she wants to get married. This is, this is a good group.

Patrick00:45:05

I mean, the fasting choices were hard, but I did note that in the opening scene, Micki was wearing a modified version of her award winning outfit from last time.

Trae00:45:18

Oh, was she?

Patrick00:45:19

She had that denim. The denim shirt, except it was. She had taken all the bedazzled things off.And it was cut to the waist like a jacket, but it was the same blousy cut up at the top is the mom's. The stepmom's hideous.

Trae00:45:31

Oh, oh, they repurposed it. Oh, that's good. Uh huh. They repurposed it's not whatnot.

Patrick00:45:35

Zach. I'm just gonna pick this off this corpse and make it mine. My Attico girl, Attigo girl, she had her eye on it the whole time.

Maya00:45:42

They need to take it back.

Patrick00:45:43

And at the last possible second, Ryan won the worst outfit award. When he's sitting there in the denouement scene, he's talking about ordering food with the poison penny.And he's wearing white pants rolled up past the ankles, loafers, no socks, orange print shirt, looking like he's going to Margaritaville. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, honey, no, no, honey, no.

Maya00:46:06

You need socks.

Patrick00:46:07

No, no, no.

Trae00:46:09

I knew guys back then, when in middle school, high school, that was the thing. Not to wear socks.

Maya00:46:13

Well, I still see it now. I see it now in the the Finance Bros. They're like, it's the summer. I don't need socks. And I'm like, you need socks.

Patrick00:46:21

You're in a dusty old antique store. You do not wear white pants.

Maya00:46:25

Oh, yeah. But he's not a practical thinker.

Trae00:46:28

He's not planning on working.

Patrick00:46:29

Gross. Still, you just sit around, you're gonna get covered in crap. Gross, gross, gross. Okay, so for my alternate casting, mine's a little.Mine's a little off. Offbeat. Gender blind. I would like to see in the role of Brother Lacroix, Joanna Lumley from Ab Fab. Not. Not doing. Not doing Patsy.

Maya00:46:59

Yeah.

Patrick00:47:00

But just doing herself, because that woman can do cold. Like I said.

Maya00:47:04

But she's the fairy godmother in Shrek two, right?

Patrick00:47:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that woman does. That woman knows how to deliver cold and, like, she would be terrifying and fabulous.

Maya00:47:13

Yeah, I'm here for that.

Trae00:47:16

I've got one.

Maya00:47:17

What's yours?

Trae00:47:18

Okay, so the. The monk who's writing the. The curses and who ends up dying.

Maya00:47:23

Brother Tim Curry, also known as Frank.

Trae00:47:26

Sure. Have Veronica Cartwright do it because she can do crazy and just whining like nobody else.

Patrick00:47:36

I am so happy with that. Just her going to pieces.

Patrick00:47:40

It's like a dungeon in here.

Patrick00:47:41

This is worse than prison

Trae00:47:45

Yeah, there you go.

Maya00:47:48

I mentioned my. The birds, they covered her.

Patrick00:47:52

Oh, I love Veronica Cartwright. You could do it wrong. That'd be brilliant. I scared my husband.

Maya00:47:57

I. I'm not scared. I'm.

Patrick00:47:58

I'm.

Maya00:47:59

I'm pausing. I'm. I'm letting you. You do that as long as you want. No, I. I want to see Dom DeLuise's Bed Hair Monk.He was already so close, and I'm just, like, seeing him like. Like interacting with Muppets doing the Mel Brooks, like, oh, you know who the.

Trae00:48:15

The mol. Hair Monk reminded me of?

Patrick00:48:17

Who?

Trae00:48:17

This is a deep cut, but Rick Dukemon.

Patrick00:48:19

Who?

Trae00:48:20

The comedian from the. Rick Dukemon. He's a comedian from the 80s. He was in the burbs. He looks like a frat bro who's gone to seed.If you looked him up, you would know how right I am. Okay.

Maya00:48:35

Oh, we also didn't talk about Bad Hair Monk coming back with an axe.

Le Croix00:48:43

I will be happy to change this to include you as well, Brother Drake.

Drake00:48:48

You're gonna burn in hell, you traitor.

Maya00:48:51

Oh, yeah. We needed to establish that the show wasn't shitting on all monks, just the really bad corrupt one.So Bad Hair Monk, when he learned that Lacroix Rupert was full of shit and trying to sell the monastery for profit, came back and threatened him with a giant axe before the magic guillotine ended up up killing him.

Trae00:49:09

Yes, he was a good monk.

Maya00:49:10

Yeah, it was a good monk. Some of the monks can be good. Was a thing that we well, there.

Patrick00:49:14

Might have been a less violent way to solve that confrontation.

Maya00:49:18

No, I. I like ax murders.

Patrick00:49:20

I know, so do I. But for as far as monks go, there might have been a better choice perhaps, you know, some meditation, maybe eat some.Me, eat some Cheetos in front of the meditation fire for a while. I don't know.

Patrick00:49:29

I got nothing.

Trae00:49:30

Well, all I think is with the monastery with a working guillotine and the axe, OSHA is going to have a heart attack if they ever walk in there.

Patrick00:49:37

Well, that's why you just show them into the peephole in the shower, and they're like, oh, we get it now.

Patrick00:49:40

All right.

Maya00:49:41

So well lit. You need to have properly lit guillotine conditions.

Patrick00:49:47

Also, the shower was all, like, fluorescent. Let everything else.

Maya00:49:50

Yeah, like, everything else is candles. And then the showers. That was fertile.

Trae00:49:55

That was one. Spent all the money in the shower.

Maya00:49:59

I mean, that. That's a fair choice.

Trae00:50:02

And there was also a hunchback in one of the background scenes.

Maya00:50:04

There was a hunchback.

Patrick00:50:05

There was a hunchback, but that was. That was actually Brother Bad hair.

Trae00:50:10

Was it?

Patrick00:50:11

Yeah, Yeah, I noticed that, too. I went back and looked.

Maya00:50:13

He was sneaking around.

Patrick00:50:14

Yeah, he was sneaking around, but for some reason, I guess he's like, no one will recognize me with this hump. What hump?

Maya00:50:21

I mean, they all have the same outfits on. So a hump is an effort in a disguise.

Trae00:50:27

It's something. Yeah. Well, it's better than the one who is walking on his knees.

Maya00:50:31

I miss that.

Patrick00:50:32

I'm gonna have to go find literally a half second. It's a half second. It's deep in the back shot. Yeah.

Maya00:50:37

Okay.

Patrick00:50:37

Yeah. It's just before they. They stumble on the flagellation guy. That's a hard word to say.

Maya00:50:42

Yeah, No, I. I got stuck on flagellation Guy. I was like, is he really? Oh, he is. He's going for it.

Patrick00:50:48

Yeah. So I don't know. Did you guys listen to the episode?

Trae00:50:51

No.

Patrick00:50:52

Last episode, Cece, there was a whole segment. I have to cut this all up. There's a whole segment I broke in the middle where I found this interview.Not interview, but it was a whole thing with Beauty and the Beast TV show.

Trae00:51:06

Oh, Linda Hamilton.

Patrick00:51:07

Not the other one.

Maya00:51:07

Ron Perlman.

Patrick00:51:08

Perlman. Yeah. He was doing an introduction for Friday the 13th, the series on, like, a Sci Fi marathon.And he's just talking about stuff, and he's all like, I just made a whole bit of it. But at one point, he's like, I want to watch Maya's Face for this.She's like, do you remember a song from the 80s which had a female voice going, I get my kicks above the neck. That was Robey. Oh, no, it wasn't.

Trae00:51:36

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

Patrick00:51:39

No, it was not. No, I don't remember that. No, it was not Robey.

Trae00:51:43

And that's how we know Ron Perlman is straight.

Patrick00:51:46

Oh, no, I know. And there was an interview with Robey also where she in this, where she had iron hair and she's just, like, really spacey and she's like.It was just total chaos. Like, her life became total, total chaos. I'm going, are you talking about Micki or are you talking about you? Because I don't know what's happening.I just decided that once he said that, I'm like, clearly, this was Uncle Lewis up there's Ultrix again, and they're emissaries of the devil trying to fool me. But I just wanted to see Maya's face. And it was totally worth it because your face just got really small. But you're just gonna say again.

Maya00:52:22

Well, Patrick also knows that I cosplay Hellboy and I have an affection for Ron Perlman.

Patrick00:52:26

And, well, you know what? It's not his fault. It was all. He was clearly reading a teleprompter. It's what was on the teleprompter. I get my kicks above the neck.What the fuck does that mean? I only get kicked in the face.

Maya00:52:37

I mean, I haven't been going this musical theater jazz in a while, but I used to be able to get my. My foot up here.

Trae00:52:43

She could throw both her legs higher.

Maya00:52:45

No, one at a time need to stand on one of them, at least.

Patrick00:52:50

Amateur.

Trae00:52:51

But one of the things people said.

Patrick00:52:53

Like, where's the queer in this show? I said, well, no, no. So I don't know yet, but if I thought about.I'm like, well, we have Uncle Lewis, who seems to be unmarried and is a, you know, older man.

Maya00:53:06

The confirmed old bachelor is.

Patrick00:53:08

Is confirmed old bachelor running an antique shop.

Trae00:53:11

Oh, yeah.

Maya00:53:13

Yeah. And he wants to tell you about all the little details and how, you know, this means that.

Patrick00:53:17

Yeah. And his only relation is Jack. Jack, who taught him all this magic until all of a sudden, like, he took it in a different way.And now they're not friends anymore and they. Oh, gosh, there's the queer.

Maya00:53:29

Yeah. No, you found it.

Patrick00:53:31

Yep, I found it. I found it.

Trae00:53:33

That's why he's. He's in love with Uncle Lewis and feels like he owes him One last thing. So that's why he's helping him.

Maya00:53:39

Oh, and that's why he feels entitled to the shop. Even if they weren't married on paper, it was theirs together.

Trae00:53:45

Oh, that was it.

Patrick00:53:48

But yeah, so that's. That's this episode. And if you want gay from this episode. Hello, there's a.There's a glory hole in the goddamn shower and a monastery where women are not allowed even to visit. Come on now. Come on up.

Trae00:53:59

Yep.

Patrick00:54:01

And Brother Lacroix is the gayest thing. I just. I loved him. I loved him, I loved him. I loved him so much. And he's gotta be back two more times.

Maya00:54:08

Oh, he is, is he?

Patrick00:54:09

Yeah, both him.

Maya00:54:10

I thought we killed him.

Patrick00:54:11

Actually, all three of the brothers are back in other episodes as different people.

Maya00:54:15

Oh, I love the shows do that.

Patrick00:54:17

Cause there's only six actors in Canada.

Maya00:54:20

Yeah, well, we've gone through them all. Can you come back? We'll give you a wig, I promise.

Patrick00:54:25

Uh huh. Yeah, that's probably exactly what it is. You're in a wig.

Trae00:54:30

Like on Star Trek. They just make him into a different alien.

Patrick00:54:32

I can do an accent.

Maya00:54:34

So can Brother Jack. Hello.

Patrick00:54:43

All right, so I think that's gotta wrap up this episode of Sometimes Uncle Lewis does Dreadful Things. Maya, what you got going on? Anything cool?

Maya00:54:51

I can't announce anything right now, but everyone should keep an eye on the social media for Brooklyn Theater Club. We're going to do a show in December and it's going to be fun.

Patrick00:54:59

We are hanging with Baited Breath. It's always suspenseful with you, Maya. And I'm sure Trey's like, I didn't know I had chili.

Maya00:55:05

Secret, secret chili with no vegetables in it.

Patrick00:55:09

You got anything cool going on, Trey?

Trae00:55:12

No.

Patrick00:55:13

Excellent.

Trae00:55:13

Okay, well, I'm not an actor. I'm not an actor. I don't have anything to plug.

Patrick00:55:17

Well, you might apply just cool things in life, Trey. Anything cool happen in life.

Trae00:55:22

I do, I do.

Patrick00:55:24

God, you got what? What'd you do this weekend, Trey?

Trae00:55:28

I went to see Nightmare on Elm street at the Alamo Drafthouse.

Patrick00:55:30

Thank you, that's awesome.

Trae00:55:31

Yeah, they're. They're doing a horror movie film festival the first year this Thursday through Sunday. So I'm going to that nice. 18 different movies.Ooh, yeah, and some direct. I think it's. The Lodge is going to be the showcase one.

Patrick00:55:44

The Lodge is an upcoming movie. The Lodge. Is that the British one?

Trae00:55:49

No, it's not. A woman snowbound in a cabin with her two stepchildren who hate her and things get really dark.

Maya00:55:55

Cool.

Trae00:55:56

Though they're also doing one called Porno about a Christian movie theater.

Patrick00:55:59

That's a hoot. I've seen that. Yeah.

Trae00:56:01

Have you? Okay. For showing that.

Patrick00:56:02

Yeah. Fangori did a great bad. It's fun.

Trae00:56:05

And they're. David isn't real.

Patrick00:56:07

Don't know that.

Trae00:56:07

But a boy who's his imaginary boyfriend or his imaginary friend comes to life when he's an adult and starts to screw stuff up.

Maya00:56:15

A bunch of those lately.

Trae00:56:17

Yeah.

Patrick00:56:17

Yeah.

Maya00:56:17

Like, I'm excited for Jojo Rabbit like everyone else is, but. But it started when there were a few detective stories where, like, they were hallucinating their partner who died in some tragic miscommunication.

Patrick00:56:29

What was that movie from the 80s that did that? It's not right. Said Fred. It's something like that. Drop. No.

Trae00:56:34

Oh, Drop Dead Fred.

Patrick00:56:35

Drop Dead Fred. Okay.

Trae00:56:36

Drop Dead Fred.

Patrick00:56:36

Bright Said Fred.

Maya00:56:38

That's different.

Trae00:56:40

Well, Patrick, do you listen to how does this get made?

Patrick00:56:43

Of course I do.

Trae00:56:44

They did an episode on Drop Dead Fred that was their most contentious episode.

Patrick00:56:48

I actually.

Trae00:56:48

Because two of them loved the movie and two hated it.

Patrick00:56:51

I haven't. I haven't seen Drop Dead fred since the 80s, so I would. I skipped that one because I don't know it that well.

Trae00:56:58

You need to listen to it. It's fantastic.

Patrick00:56:59

We're plugging other shows now, and of course, starting this Thursday is the countdown to Halloween Potathon here on Scream Queen. So, yeah, 15 shows in 15 days. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be crazy.

Trae00:57:10

Patrick, go crazy.

Patrick00:57:11

Yeah. Yep, yep. We've already got 300 in donations, and I just put the thing up today.

Maya00:57:16

Nice.

Patrick00:57:17

Yes.

Maya00:57:17

Good job.

Patrick00:57:18

Just 2300 to go. All right, thank you very much for joining me this month, and maybe we'll meet again next month.Unless, of course, you know, on the off chance that Uncle Lewis behaves himself. But really, what are the odds? Because I know he hasn't. Because next time we're going to be talking about A Cup of Time, episode three.

Trae00:57:36

That's a good one.

Patrick00:57:38

Rock and Roll. And Getting Old.

Trae00:57:40

And Vines.

Maya00:57:40

I like one of those.

Patrick00:57:41

And tea.

Maya00:57:41

I like one of those things.

Patrick00:57:42

And tea.

Maya00:57:43

Tea is good.

Patrick00:57:44

Lots of tea. Not in this version. No, no. Don't drink.

Maya00:57:47

Don't drink.

Patrick00:57:47

Don't drink the tea. All right, thank you very much for joining me.So it is with that I bid my beloved shopkeepers, Maya Murphy and Trey Dean, a safe and uneventful night. And to you, my beloved listeners. Hey, if you're enjoying the show, let us know. Give me a call, 917-720-2047.Or leave messages down here on the Patreon board. We'll read them out on the show. I want some input. I want to know what's going on. What do you think of these episodes?What do you think of Friday the 13th this series? If you've an idea on what we could do to make this show better, let me know. I'm all open to all kinds. All kinds of.All kinds of things is what I'm saying. I'm just open to your opinion because you guys rock. Thank you for supporting Scream Queens overall. Thank you for being a patron.And I hope that you're enjoying this all the way down to the core. It's gonna be so much fun doing this. And hey, if you're planning on playing along at home, you need the DVD box set of Friday the 13th the series.Because most of the episodes have now been pulled from YouTube, so there's no place for you to watch them.And what better place for you to pick up that DVD box set of Friday the 13 the series is using that Scream Queen's Amazon affiliate link that's right down there in the show notes. Use it, support the show even more and get to play along at home for the rest of the series. It's a good use of your time and of your money. Yeah.And I hope that you are ready for the pod a thon, kids, because it's gonna get crazy.And of course, since you're Patreon folk, you're gonna be getting all kinds of inside details of what went on when the mics weren' supposed to be on when I was recording those sessions and things that were too, too scandalous for the main airwaves. You're going to get them right here on Patreon. So thank you for being a part of that. So until next time, kids, don't buy any antiques. Just don't.Just don't. It's a bad idea. Cursed or not, it's a bad idea. It's a bad. Why, why even take the chance?Just, just, just, just, just, just stay home and listen to podcasts. Because this particular cure shop is now officially closed. Have a safe and pleasant evening. Good night.