Damn You, Uncle Lewis #10 - "Root of All Evil"

Oh, hello.

Come in, come in, come in.

Do come in out of the terrible weather.

Oh, welcome.

Welcome to my very curious curio shop.

Although I hate to inform you, the shop is closed for tonight because there's a.

Well, it's a rather special evening.

It's a monthly meeting of sorts.

So unless you're here for the meeting, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

The nature of the meeting, you ask.

Well, let me put it to you this way.

Sometimes Uncle Louis does dreadful things.

Welcome to Damn you, Uncle Lewis, the Friday the 13th series retrospective bad Game.

So welcome back, everybody.

Welcome back to my very curious, curious shop.

And we're meeting down in the deepest, darkest section of the vault because it's that time of the month again.

No, not that time of the month.

The other time of the month.

The time of the month where we get together to talk about Uncle Lewis and what he's done this time.

So everybody get inside the vault, lock the door shut, because we're about to have a kiki.

All right, and who, whoever.

Who else am I going to be kikiing with except my two main boos who made me go Boo Murphy and Trey Dean.

Hello.

I am pumped up on so many drugs.

I have so much energy and so do my parasites.

It runs in the family.

I might have parasites.

Kids.

Anyway, you don't worry about that.

We're not talking about that right now.

Don't worry about it.

It's fine.

Everything is fine.

The parasites are gonna ask for credit on the podcast, though.

They want to be listed as special guests.

They will sue.

They will sue.

Something's gonna pop out of my head and be like, well, you wanna know what I think about Robi's hair?

I'll be like, shut up, ding dong Patrick from the future here.

Just for the record, it turns out, no, I did not have parasites.

But we're gonna joke about that couple of episodes because I did have diarrhea for a really long time, but that just comes with being a longtime HIV survivor.

But it's gone now, thank goodness.

Anyway, stop thinking about me pooping.

Back to the show.

Oh, yeah, we share parasite.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, listeners, just, you know, just before we did the show, Miss, I didn't talk about this on the podcast last time because I thought it would be too much.

That smoochie seems to have the same thing I have.

So when I.

That last.

That last week when I was shitting all over the house, she was also shitting all over the house.

So it was a shit House over here.

But she.

Just before we started recording, I saw her hop on bed and start to assume the position, and I grabbed the nearest thing and stuck it under her butt.

It was my notes for this episode.

Good luck, everybody.

We're flying free.

And it's tough because this episode is super complicated because there's so much going on.

First of all, we got Eric, Colin, Tony.

You know, Veronica Mars is dead.

But on top of that, we have got the return of Lloyd.

We have got four completely separate hair crimes, one of which does not belong to Mickey.

We have two hair miracles.

Mickey gets laid, coin gets slapped, and Vita comes back.

Oh, yeah.

And there's also a cursed object or something.

Oh, yeah.

Is that why we're here?

That's not even getting into the main plot.

That is how crazy this episode is.

The episode we're talking about is the root of all evil.

And, Maya, you did it last time, so I got to say, Trey, please tell us about what's going on in the root of all evil.

Cursed object is the.

The wonderful antique we all know about.

A mulcher, a giant mulcher that when you put people into it, the more they're worth, the more money it will spit out.

So it ends up in the estate of some old lady that is has volunteer workers for it.

One of the guys is killing people with it.

Who cares?

I mean, honestly, it's just.

Who cares?

I cares, and Ruby cares.

Okay, well, thank you.

Well, Roby was barely carrying this episode, right?

I caught my.

My husband.

I know.

Fiance.

This is.

Yeah, because who cares about that?

Because this is a very special Roby episode.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

It really is.

Yeah.

No, no, it is.

It is a Mopey Moby episode.

Mopey Moby.

No, that's.

A Mopey Roby.

I was gonna say mopy.

Mopy Mickey.

Moby Mickey.

No, that.

That's the.

The.

The clerk's logo, right?

Is Moby Movie.

Mopey Movie.

Moby Movie.

Moby Roby Movie.

And Roby.

We're all doing very well this evening.

Patrick.

Did we lose?

I passed out.

His parasites want to pop my parasites.

Want to get my ass up into the camera.

You heard me mention Clerks, and you're like, oh, she's going to talk about Tusk again.

New Jersey again.

Oh, my God.

Now I would talk about Tusk just because what's his name turned out to be a little snack when he grew up.

Justin Long.

No.

Sixth Sense kid.

No.

Yeah, the bear.

The little baby bear.

He's a cute little cuddle Bear now.

But we're not talking about that.

He's very cute.

We're not talking about that.

We have time.

We're talking about some serious things.

Okay?

So right.

Trey is absolutely right.

We're talking about a curse mulcher that processes corpses into cash.

Yep.

They don't have to be corpses.

They will.

Seven corpse for cash.

1, 8, 7, 7 Carbs for cash.

Give us your corpse, we'll give you money.

It's that easy.

Oh, Lord.

I trust the mulcher more than I cross the trust those creepy kids in that commercial.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, that's fair.

Marshall is cursed.

That's a cursed object.

Actually, so is this episode because we've tried to record this once before and like, squad cast was having problems, but we're hard here now.

Regret.

That's why we're all.

We tried to go to somebody who wasn't squad cast and they did not love us and they did not treat us well.

And now we're back.

They loved us.

We had.

We.

We did not love them.

They gave us inferior products.

I said, this is for Patreon, you sons of.

Are you kidding?

This isn't riff raff.

I don't record in a blue yeti microphone, please.

Now, I was saying to Maya and Trey beforehand that this, since this episode is a mopey Mickey episode, it kind of sucks away completely from the main story, which is kind of a disappointment because this is a fun little cursed object.

It's gnarly, it's gross, it has tons of potential.

We don't.

It never really lives up to it because we keep going back to Mickey moping in various lounging positions with her.

Hand on her forehead, in her dressing.

Gown with her head hovering over her pillow so that her hair is not touching her pillow so her hair doesn't get fucked up.

It's hair crime number one.

Haircut.

Put your head on the pillow.

Her accent keeps changing.

She keeps going.

What else is new?

I mean, yeah, that.

That's a constant, though.

Yeah, it was pretty abrupt when you know something's happened.

She's like, but I've been busy at the store.

At the store.

I'm like, mickey, never trust a guy whose name starts with two Ls.

It's not going to end well.

Lloyd Llewellyn them all.

No, no.

No Welsh boyfriends for you.

Sorry, Ruby.

Oh, please.

She needs another accent in her repertoire.

No, actually, never trust a guy who's gonna stalk you in a three piece suit.

Oh, we're gonna talk about that too.

We're gonna get to that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is, if we're not overrun by kissy By.

By a horde of kissy face Pams beforehand.

We're not there yet.

So that what you named your parasites?

The kissy face pins?

Yeah.

So we're gonna split things up a little bit because, like, at certain points it's gonna get really difficult going back and forth.

So at certain points, I'm just gonna, like, try to focus mostly on one story or the other.

We'll get to both of them, but instead of going in little bits, we're going to go in big chunks.

Okay.

So it's not completely chronological.

You guys understand it?

We're all good.

Okay.

So here we are out in, you know, suburban America town where it's perfectly okay to murder your mother on the street in broad daylight in the middle of a public.

Because in suburban America town, we do have a high enough fence where you won't notice a little old lady disappearing.

Yeah, we open up with a little old lady and her son, who's an adult, helping her with lawn work, and he comes down on her head with a rake.

But because we can't afford the special effects, just on the ground, she has these beautiful, evenly spaced blood spots on her forehead.

So she's been quite thoroughly stabbed and she's dead now.

Five little drops.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know, personally, I think if she treated the neighbors like she was treating her son, in the five seconds she was on screen, the neighbors are like, didn't see a thing.

Oh, she's gone.

Oh, you dumb.

Our property value just went up.

Oh, how traveling is she?

Oh.

Oh, no.

Aren't you done yet?

What's the matter with you?

Get that stuff in the shredder and get over here.

Sure you chopped all that garbage?

Probably not.

And I should point out now that our villain's name and this opening scene, his name is Harley o'.

Connor.

And I thought, oh, gosh, we're gonna.

Jack sent the out of this and it didn't happen.

No Jack sent this episode.

No Harley o'.

Connor.

Are we gonna go.

Oh, we're gonna go visit you in the asylum.

Harley o'.

Connor.

They're gonna put her all time.

Your own lost cousin Harley.

Daughter, get that Lucky Charms accent back in your pocket.

That wasn't me.

That was my parasite.

Para osite.

Of course, the crowning glory is that he runs her through the mulcher that he has nearby.

So now we cut back to curious.

We cut to curious goods for the first Time.

And there's Jack and Ryan.

And Jack gets a letter.

What's in the letter, you guys?

It's a letter thanking Uncle Lewis for whatever dark things they shared together.

And There's a crisp 100American bill.

Thank you, Mr. Vonder D. I now realize we both find pleasure in using the keen edge, the cutting edge, as it were, of the knowledge we obtain from.

From below enclosed as a small token of my appreciation.

And so, of course, they're both alerted to it.

They're like, that's up.

Okay, look at the postmark.

Where did this come from?

Let's figure out who bought this thing.

And they trace it to immediately to a mulcher from 1937 that was purchased by a Mr. Harley O'.

Connor.

So the thing is with this episode, too, is that we are a hundred steps ahead of our heroes the whole time.

So we're waiting for them to play catch up.

So it does get kind of annoying.

So bear with us there.

So a lot of it we already know in advance, but so we don't get a lot of Jack is gay in episode this episode, however, Ryan does ask him out on a date.

Looks like we got two choices.

Lunch at Saint Tropez, dinner at Makambo.

Either way, about 100 bucks for two.

I don't think we should spend it just yet.

Ryan does ask him out on a date.

He says, well, we have two options.

It's lunch at the place or dinner at the other place.

Either way, it's gonna cost you about.

100 Bucks at the San Tropez.

Is that a real place?

I believe that would be the San Tropez, but then again, it's America Town,.

So yes, it's America Town and it's Ryan, so.

And Ryan's being wacky nobody.

He's like, that's, hey, we can have lunch at the Santrope and dinner in some place at dinner a lunch for two at the Santa Pan.

Dinner for two.

It's the way it all comes about to 100 plus.

So they were never including Mickey.

And this because they already know that she's been a mopey piece of crap this whole episode.

They call for reservations or whatever the hell they're going to do.

Not.

They called.

They called to hunt down Harley o'.

Connor.

Call the phone number that's in the register.

Yeah, for.

For Harley o'.

Connor.

But they can't call.

Why can't they call him?

Because he's not.

The phone's been off, taken.

We don't learn what happens to him.

Mickey's Mickey's on the line.

Oh, that's.

Oh, that's right.

I know it's been two months, darling.

You just have to trust me.

I have unfinished business.

Of course I still want to marry you.

I don't know, maybe another month.

No, I'm not having an affair.

Mickey's on the phone with Lloyd.

No, you hang up.

No, you hang up on the phone.

You hang up on the phone.

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

Oh, except that's not what's happening.

My notes say, poor crying Roby.

Yeah, you don't think I want to stay here alone with these two weirdos in this antique shop?

And if you don't remember, Lloyd is Mickey's infrequently referenced fiance that we haven't seen since episode one.

But we should hold this for the beast storyline.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, we're not quite in a bit.

Just because this is the part of.

The setup I want to mention that we do.

One of my favorite things that happens in TV is that we use an actor's headshot as a prop.

So when we are panning.

Oh, oh, we get a lot of that in this episode.

Every time it's up with, like, Maya's smiling right now.

Now every.

Every time we pan over to Ruby crying in bed, leaning her head just so as to not crush her hair on the pillow.

Lloyd's headshot is just sitting on her bedside table.

But she's looking.

She's looking at it.

But the way it's positioned, like you're looking at the back of it.

But that's TV sight lines.

Whatever, that's fine.

That's just me being an.

Okay, so what's going on in our main story is that this elderly rich woman whose name I don't remember, and Mrs. Harrington, she.

Her husband has passed away and she has this huge property of land attached to her house.

And she has decided that, you know, her husband is part of her husband's wishes.

And she agrees, well, that they're going to turn all of their private land into a public park.

So there's all this hullablue about getting the park set up.

And she's great and so is her assistant.

And what I love about them both is that they're not using British accents.

They're using rich people accents.

Oh, yes, they have that, like, slightly affected.

Oh, well, we don't speak like the ordinary people.

Oh, no, no, no.

Come, Mrs. Harrington, it's almost time for luncheon.

Conscience.

I thought she was a British accent.

I was like she's just doing a really bad British accent, but so is her.

Her assistant with an ascot.

It wasn't quite British, but this whole plot line is kind of British.

This is a very British thing to do.

Very British thing to do.

Lands to parks.

You know, the.

What is it?

A money poor house, rich.

Yeah.

Type of thing.

Like we have no money, so we're just going to sell off all this land.

We're going to keep the house anyway.

Neither here anyway.

So there's all these people working to get the park up and running and beautifully landscaped.

So we meet our landscapers.

We have, we have Ms. Smitty, this older guy, and his assistant Adrian.

Adrian says he wishes he was raking in the money instead of raking in the leads.

Cool thing to say in your first day of the job, bro.

Yeah.

You think the elder groundskeeper is going to help you?

Yeah.

So what we're, we're learning in all of this is that we're getting it.

Not directly, but it's implied that the ownership of the mulcher has changed hands.

It's not Harley o' Connell anymore, it's this guy Smitty.

But what we're also learning is Smitty is a decent guy.

Yes.

When you're my age, young man, you'll.

Find that your best friend will be a hot bathtub every night.

So it doesn't call to him because he works hard and he's giving Adrian advice on.

Yeah, it can be hard on your body.

A hot bath is going to be your best friend.

He's not wrong.

I love a hot bath.

Oh, yeah.

My lumbar spine loves a hot bath.

We do got to say also, Adrian is played by Enrico Enio.

Enrico, Colin from Veronica Mars and Jesse.

Just shoot me.

Yeah.

Veronica Mars's dad.

Yeah, yeah.

And I've seen his.

I've seen his colon and his Tony because he gets naked on stage a lot.

Yeah, there you go.

I loved Just Shoot Me.

Yeah.

It was a great show.

It was a great show.

And he.

And I gotta say, for a guy in his 60s, he's looking good.

Yes.

Wait, was he just in the American Crime Story?

Was that him?

The Versace one?

No, no, it wasn't.

I don't watch.

I don't watch.

I don't watch Ryan Murphy stuff.

I thought it was him.

It was not.

It was someone else.

I thought it was him too.

No, I just saw him something.

What's that?

What's that theater on Christopher Street?

The Louise Lortel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was In a show there called Fear, which lasted about a week before everything got shut down.

Anyway, back to the story.

So, yeah.

Tara Collins.

And he's.

He's doing a great job with this role.

He is.

I think.

I think he's a cool little villain.

I like.

Because I watched it again today after Smoochie Shadow the notes.

I was speed porting through it.

What I like about his physicality is kind of cool in this.

It's weird and deliberate.

Right.

And even though he's, like, very charactery, it doesn't feel forced.

He just seems like a weirdo guy muddling through his choices.

Lumbers around.

He lumbers, but it's off center.

Yeah.

Like.

Yeah.

So it's.

It's very.

Just like.

You just get this guy's.

If his physicality is anything like his mentality, this guy's off kilter.

It was a nice way of portraying it without being obvious.

Off kilter.

He has no personality, no character traits, but yet he comes across very dangerous.

I thought this is a guy who is dangerous, especially in the context of the story.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And you're not the only one who recognized it, because the mulcher sure recognized it, didn't it?

Yep.

Yeah.

The mulcher's like, oh, hey, hey, Boo.

Smitty is showing him how to use the mulcher.

And you just see that moment.

He's just staring into the whirring blades, and he can see the rest of the world is going away.

Smitty's going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But Adrian's hooked.

The problem is Smitty's hanging around, so he's not.

He's not gonna get to connect right about now.

And he suggests, hey, Smitty, why don't you go home?

It's my first day on the job.

I want to make your life easier.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm gonna make your life easier.

I'll do it.

Yeah.

You go home and take that bath you've been talking about.

I'm a new guy.

Leave me unsupervised for a while.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This isn't suspicious at all.

With dangerous equipment that I've never used before.

The ropes have learned them.

It's fine.

But unfortunately, also in this park, as we're pointed out by Mrs. Harrington's assistant, that the park is having a problem with delinquents.

This is a big park.

They have.

This is.

It's a.

It's huge.

It's very.

I mean, they're wealthy.

They just have land, you know?

Sure.

They Stole it from someone.

Fair and square.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Kanye told me to buy some land with my.

My coveted money.

Sure.

So, yeah, we.

We run into a park vagrant.

Yes.

Who happens to be a former co worker of Adrian in their shady dealings in the mob.

Let's say cohort.

I don't think he's working in anything, but we find out that Adrian owes a hell of a lot of money to a hell of a lot of people.

He's been doing some shady dealings and this guy is threatening to think him out to whoever took over terrible Tommy's place from last episode because he's gonna turn him over to the thugs are gonna come break his legs.

Well, look at here.

Adrian's got himself a job.

I was wondering where you disappeared to.

There's a lot of interest in you on a streets, boy.

What are you talking about?

Words out on you.

You owe too much to the wrong people.

Should have paid off your paper.

Look, I'm good for it.

Hey, don't tell me.

Tell the leg breakers that are gonna come and see you.

You don't have to say anything.

I got a little money.

And you wanna pay me to keep quiet?

Yeah.

Okay.

You come up with say 100.

No, no, make it 500 a week.

And you buy my quiet.

And I'm playing the sound clip from this because this had one of the most fascinating insults and interchanges of conversation I've heard on this show yet.

Oh, we've been obsessed with this insult for a couple weeks now since we tried to record it the first time.

You open your mouth and I'll kill you.

You.

You're a pretty boy.

A kissy faced pimp.

Kissy faced, Pimped.

What does that mean?

Maybe it means there's like an upper echelon of the mob that's just like super gay.

That's scarier.

I'm so here for that.

They do those European double kisses on the cheeks one month.

I never liked that.

Don't like.

I'm from New England.

We don't do that.

And I moved to New York and everyone kisses on the cheek and I'm like, why?

You're right.

Like I'll just lick you.

So now we know that's the threat of the kissy face.

Pimps.

You never know when they're not just gonna lick you.

No, not the kissy face.

Bam.

No.

And you know this guy, this guy came up and picked a fight at the exact wrong time.

Because you know, during all this, the.

The mulcher starts itself and you hear,.

You see it goes, oh, maybe there will be a murder.

Running.

Like the guy.

The guys.

The guy's yelling, is yelling at him and.

And agent's just staring into those whirring blades again.

So he's hearing that call.

So the thing is telling him what to do.

And what does it tell him to do?

Kids Balt.

We hit him over the head with something First, I think he takes his brown bag of liquor, cracks it over his head.

Then we chuck him in the mulcher.

Yeah.

Cracks his head open, throws him in the mulcher.

And what does he get in return?

Cold, hard American cash.

Not Canadian.

American cash.

American cash.

Well, this is an American show filmed in America.

That's right.

Takes place in America.

It's American.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What I even liked about this scene is that the mulcher is spitting out cash beforehand.

Like, hey,.

It's a little bit of pre.

Cash, you know, before the.

The real cash comes out.

A little bit of precond.

Yeah, just a little precious.

See, I made it a joke.

I said cash.

Yeah, I'm tacky.

I'm crass.

Okay?

Meanwhile, you gross.

While back at Curious Goods, we have lots of Mickey moping More.

But we have our first hair miracle.

We have a good 30 second scene of Wiki teasing the out of her hair with air dry.

Yeah.

It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

And then she flips it upside down.

It gets bigger and bigger.

I'm like, this is amazing.

This is amazing.

It's a miracle.

It's.

It's like the loaves and the fishes, but with hair.

But with Aquanet, it has risen.

Yeah.

And it's just more.

More whining.

It's just that she wants.

She wants.

She's.

She's sick of this life at Curious Good.

She doesn't like it anymore.

She wants her.

She wants her boyfriend.

She wants to be loved.

She wants to get some.

So what.

What job did Mickey have before she took over the antique shop?

We don't know.

Lawyer's fiance.

Hi, I'm Lucy Bender, lawyer's fiance.

Well, she takes, you know, she takes some time off to go to the funeral.

What funeral?

Or not.

Actually, not the funeral.

I'm thinking at the beginning of the series to go.

To go clean up the affairs, I believe is the phrase.

If you're.

If you're married to Lloyd, you're not working.

Something tells you your job is being.

Married to Lloyd is cleaning all three pieces.

Based on what we see at the end of this episode, that's her job.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So it's lots of whining and she has to go out with Jack.

Jack brings her along to go to Harley o' Connor's old house, hush her to see if they can track down any information about the Moltre.

Don't you know.

Yeah.

And she's.

I think you lost it at the end there.

She's bitching the whole time.

This is like one of the early episodes.

She is bitching this whole episode.

And here we have hair crime number two.

And fashion crime number one.

I didn't notice how bad this was the first time around.

Oh, the high waisted jeans.

They weren't even jeans.

Okay.

She's wearing this purple like sports jacket, which is cute.

Not sports jacket, but you know, like a windbreaker, which is cute.

She's got some kind of like greeny top under it.

But she's wearing these pants, these legs, blue, gray, industrial.

Like they look like polyester postman pants from the.

I mean, you know, the.

The youths in Brooklyn are wearing Carhartts as fashion now.

Right?

Like it's come back around weird kind.

Of 70s female fashion way where it made the whole crotch area look totally flat, but like pulled all focus to it too.

So it was like, here, look at my completely featureless groin.

It's very strange looking.

Bad fat, bad, bad, bad pants.

Bad pants, bad parent.

But yeah.

So she's just complaining.

I know.

This is.

Everything we talk about is insane.

This is stupid.

It's insane and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I don't want to be here.

Blair.

It's obvious no one lives here any longer.

Jack, let's go over here.

We might as well check it out.

What's the point?

Any fool can see he's left.

We'll never find him.

One less curse to recover.

Well.

Mickey, you don't mean that.

Mickey.

Look, it's just that I'm getting so sick of this job I've been stuck with.

We've been stuck with.

Yeah.

Did we get any.

I didn't choose this life.

Yeah.

And I just want Jack to push in the face.

Told her to shut up, but he doesn't.

Okay, but Jack obviously loves this.

Oh, please.

He is the wrong person to talk her down about having this thrust upon her because she.

He loves being a.

A magic expert.

Who?

Jackset?

He's the one who dumped this in the first place.

If he had never shown up, they would never have known.

Yeah, you're right.

He could handle this himself.

He could have just been like, okay, they sold everything.

I'll track it all down.

Myself.

Let me take this register here.

I'm going to take these total noobs who know nothing about magic or the supernatural.

No.

He needs a Scooby Doo gang.

And put them in danger.

He's Bosley.

And there is angels.

Thank you.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

But they get interrupted by some big creepy guy.

What are you doing here?

With a crowbar?

With a crowbar.

Who also has the same pants on that she does.

And he's like £400.

I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no.

What's happening?

Wardrobe did not love that man.

His clothes did not fit him.

No.

I don't think they were supposed to.

No.

No.

But he's big and scary and he's supposed to be a threat, but he's really just an exposition dump.

Yeah.

Where you find out what happened to Harley o'.

Connor.

What happened to Harley o'?

Connor?

Harley o' Connor went to an insane asylum.

Yeah.

Because they found his mother disappeared.

They found him with a big bag of cash, and when the police showed up, he attacked them.

We were wondering last time why he was in the asylum.

That's why he's in the asylum.

Harley was an accountant or something, always talking about financial planning.

How come the house is empty?

Something happened to him.

He's in a mental hospital.

Cops caught him with a bag full of money, and his mother was missing.

Nobody's seen her for months.

Some folks say he murdered her.

What's he doing in a hospital?

He's been arrested for murder.

Who said he was arrested?

Way I heard it was, cops started.

Questioning him and he went nuts.

Started screaming about the teeth of hell or something.

Mouth of hell.

Something like that.

Well, and he was also talking about the.

The teeth of hell, wasn't he?

Like, you can't just attack the police and go, oh, I did it because I was insane.

Like, there's a dialog about.

Yeah, about how he was definitely saying some crazy stuff.

Yeah.

The guy said.

He's always raving on about the mouth of hell or the teeth of hell, which, if you have an even evil mulcher.

The teeth of hell is a good way to describe it.

Yeah.

But if you ever arrested by the cops and don't want to go to jail, just start talking about the teeth of hell and they'll send you to the asylum instead.

Yeah.

And we discovered that this guy, because I'm a white lady, he was an investment banker and stuff, and now he's an asylum, and he doesn't take any.

He doesn't, like, accept visitors.

So Jack gets this Brilliant plan on how to get information out of him.

What plan does he come up with?

Oh, he comes in and he says, I'm a friend of Lewis, but he's passed away and I am his brother of the dark eyes.

I am also evil.

Blah, blah.

I am also evil.

For this.

And this scene is extremely distressing.

This whole scene in the asylum because we get so many inpatient upskirt shots on Harley Potter that was like, oh, no, this.

Oh, go.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Well, he's in one of those old timey wheelchairs, but he's keeps spinning around in it.

And the camera can see just too much of under his little hospital gap.

We can see Harley's o', Connor, that's for sure.

It's a good thing this wasn't on hd.

But my, my favorite thing is, you know when he's like, okay, I'll collaborate with you, but you have to have a riskier portfolio.

Yeah.

And Jack's like, what are you talking about?

He's like, oh, well, you'll probably just stick to killing the homeless kids and the runaways and stuff like that.

That's fine.

But you don't get as much money.

That's not the word.

Capital.

Yeah.

Much capital back for that.

Jack said, what are you talking about?

And Harley explains the whole thing.

And I'm playing the sound clip.

And I thought this whole thing was.

It was all just about getting a big return on your portfolio.

Like, I need you to have a more diversified portfolio, which is the creepiest thing you could possibly say.

Well, and I want to.

Yeah, just a numbers game to Harley o'.

Connor.

Well, can you imagine, like, them figuring this stuff out?

Like they put a vagrant in there.

Oh, we got somebody then, like, like some rich person.

Like, holy cow, we gotta test this again.

And it's so much harder to catch rich people, though.

They have, like, cars and doors that lock.

You know, they have wheels that come out of the bottom of their feet and stuff and they just.

It's true.

You haven't heard about the Roller Rich?

What were those sneakers called?

Wheelies.

You haven't heard about the Roller Rich yet?

Patrick's fun.

Okay, so now we figured it all out.

Okay, so they figured out that, that, that, that Harley told them that he gave it to somebody, he sold it to somebody, he sold it to Smitty Robert Smith, also known as Robert Smith from the Cure.

Learn the rest of Smitty's name.

He's Robert Smith, Rob A. Smith.

So when he's not gardening, he's Fighting Mecha Streisand.

And it was the 80s.

They had no excuse.

They had no excuse for making a mistake like this.

But I'm glad they did.

So this little man is really from the lead singer of the Cure as well.

So they track him down to the Harrington Park.

Mickey and him go to find him.

And of course Mickey is still bitching, bitching.

And we get another fashion disaster.

Not Mickey.

Oh, I didn't notice it last time, but.

But Mickey's outfit here is wretched.

She's got this knit sweater on, but it only comes down to like the bottom of her boobs.

And her skirt is pulled up to like mid waist.

So she just looks dumpy.

Yeah, it fucks with her proportions and like she's gorgeous and in excellent shape.

And then.

No, it's like her clothes, her clothes are.

And her clothes are representing her psyche.

This episode that's all.

Torn apart.

Ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Fashion award goes to Ryan the lion in this scene.

Yeah.

When he goes to visit Mrs. Harrington.

He looks like a million bucks.

He's looking like new age 80s business dead on.

His hair looks great.

Everything looks great.

The blazer with the crew collar.

Yeah, his hair had this nice little wave to it.

He just looked banging.

I'll say this, the actor plays him as a.

Is a cutie pie.

John D. LeMay plays him as cute.

So Ryan always, always had a little crush on Ryan.

He's just.

I say it, I guess Patrick is making a face.

The problem is he looks so.

Okay, sidebar.

This actor looks so much like the guy who was my best friend my freshman year in high school.

Like when I first started at my boys high school and it was like one of those friends that you knew.

This is a transitional friend.

This is somebody I latched on to just because there was nobody else.

And I'm gonna, I'm just like a stepping stone to other people.

So.

Yeah, and he was, he was.

Yeah.

It's hard to shake the association.

He looks just like.

He looks just like him.

Dressed like him, talks like him.

Suddenly it's, oh, that's gotta be weird.

That's not, not.

It was actually something we made fun of that kid about at the time.

Like.

You're, you're a psychic to Roby.

We're 15.

You don't have a real job.

I'm 15.

So they, they, they hunt down Robert Smith and Robert, they find Robert Smith.

And Robert Smith is like, oh, you want to buy my, my Vulture?

No problem.

We're interested in buying it.

Well, it's really not for sale.

I couldn't replace it for what you'd pay me for.

Well, what if we were to give you enough money to buy yourself a new one?

Say $2500?

$2500?

Well, young man, you got yourself a deal.

It's on the grounds.

Just give me a chance to load it up and I'll bring it up.

I'll go and get it.

There's more steps to it than that.

He's like, oh, well, I actually really need it for my job.

And then Ryan's like, what if he gave you way too much money?

And then.

Then Smitty's like, sure.

Then Roby's like, what do you mean we didn't have enough money?

We have $105 that we found so far this episode.

Mickey, thank you very much, but, well,.

Honestly, if you find a bad guy, chuck him in the mulcher.

You got the money?

I don't think we're thinking that practically yet, but.

But no.

I mean, I was just cutting to the chases that Robert Smith was not one of those antagonistic people that will run into the course of the series like, no, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't have anything.

He's like, yeah, I've got it.

Yeah, you want it?

Sure, yeah, I'll go get it.

Smitty goes to go get it and never comes back.

And they just like, oh, never came.

And they don't pursue it.

They're just like, well, guess that's it.

And they go home.

They don't want to suspicious that the.

They want to buy a cursed mulcher.

He goes to get said cursed mulcher,.

Said cursed item, and does not return.

Okay, well, I think he ran.

I think they say they think he ran, but okay, he didn't run.

What happened to Robert Smith?

Oh, well, Adrien got some ideas.

Adrian hears him talking about.

You overheard them?

Yeah.

You.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, not my mulcher.

Not my money mulcher.

More money, more money, more mulcher.

Oh, Lord, no, no, no.

More mulch, more money.

That's right.

Smitty takes a short trip down that mulcher shoot.

Yeah, but not if he puts up a decent fight because he gets hit with a hammer or something, and we think he's dead, but no, he comes back again, is fighting Adrian, but gets an all knife in the back and then into the mulcher.

Boo.

Yeah.

So Smitty didn't go down without a fight.

No, he didn't.

But, you know, Adrian's racking up some cold, hard cash.

Oh, yeah, well, which is carrying around in open bags all around the park.

For some reason, he's not taking it home and putting it away.

I don't know why he's going home, but whatever.

He's crazy.

No, he has to carry it around in a sketchy doctor bag, which is something a groundskeeper would totally have on him.

Zip.

Doctor bag.

And he's only killed two people.

But he has a lot of money.

Well, unless it's all at once.

Well, we saw it later on.

He did kill another person later on, but I don't know.

Whatever.

And that person.

That guy was worth something.

That would be funny if they could give you, like, a thousand dollars all in ones.

I made 75.

You had to make it rain.

Okay, so now we cut back to curious guts.

Ryan and Mickey conversity with the news about what happened.

We found the mulcher.

We found Robert Smith, but this happened, and that happened.

And then they blurred out the whole thing.

And, like.

And it's evil, and it's the devil, and that way we're gonna find out about the curse of.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What's happened?

Jack's talking.

To whom?

Lloyd, like, cut.

Stands up from behind a counter.

Sorry.

Sorry.

We skipped the scene.

In doing this separate separation of things.

We skipped the scene.

Okay.

I forgot early on when I got distracted by.

By.

By Mickey drying her hair.

And there's a.

There's somebody peeking in Mickey's window, which.

Is terrifying because we just had that episode where someone broke into their apartment, threatened her with a knife.

So she's.

Yeah, knife in her nose.

Because that's the most threatening sexual thing we can do on Canadian television.

So she, like, runs into Ryan's room, and, like, Ryan's noodling around on the guitar, and she's like, there's someone outside my window.

Help me.

And he goes to, like, hold the guitar as a weapon.

Then he thinks better of it and puts it down.

He's like, it's a 67 fan.

Is worth that Stratocaster.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Actually, I got a confession to make.

When I.

When I was first watching this, I'm watching it, and Mickey's combing her hair, combing her back.

Comb.

Bonanza.

Combing, combing, combing.

Coleman Combing, combing.

Keep that back home coming.

And then she screams and backs up, like, wait, what happened?

I was watching again.

I was like, oh, you see in the window, someone milling around like the.

Shadow you were so obsessed with the hair, you didn't see the window.

You couldn't see the window through the hair.

You couldn't see.

Now you couldn't see.

Oh, my God.

Focused on her hair.

And I noticed that there was she.

The hair.

Racked focus.

And then she's like, for you, maybe.

Oh, honey.

I'm a track.

I've been tracking conversations about this show online.

Everybody who watched it is obsessed with Roby's hair.

It's like, straight.

A young, old.

Nobody can get enough of Roby in her hair.

Nobody can resist the hair.

The hair is life.

The hair is cursed.

The hair is cursed.

It's cursed.

That's what it is.

But she backs up for like 10 seconds.

Like, pauses, and then goes against Ryan.

Like she doesn't see someone trying to run away.

She sees someone, slowly backs up, backs up, hits the wall, turns and goes, ryan, there's someone at my window.

She's a professional, okay?

She survived many situations like that.

She knows what to do.

I'm just gonna trust.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Whatever.

But, yeah.

And then we come back into the room, and this mysterious figure has broken into Robbie's room.

And.

And.

And rightly so.

Ryan jumps him, knocks the ground, and is choking him.

Hey.

Go, Ryan.

Go, Ryan.

Except.

Except Robbie's like, no, no, stop.

It's.

It's Lloyd.

It's my boyfriend.

All right.

Okay.

So we finally get to meet face to face.

Hi, Ryan the lion.

Hey.

Don't look at me.

Most people ring doorbells.

You could have been a burglar.

How many burglars do you know wear Brooks Brothers virgin wool?

What was it?

This is virgin wool.

Brooks Brothers virgin wool.

Thank you very.

Well, I don't know how many.

I don't know how many intruders would break in wearing Brooks Brothers virgin wolf.

Shut the fuck up, Lloyd.

Lloyd, don't break in through a window.

It's creepy and terrifying.

He shows no remorse for doing this.

No remorse for scaring the hell out of her.

And, like, does never does not apologize for breaking the law.

Oh.

Breaking nothing.

Nothing.

So this.

This episode does nothing to portray Lloyd as a two, three dimensional character.

He's bad.

Yeah, yeah, but everybody sees him but Mickey.

But anyway, yeah.

And we get into an argument.

He's like, well, I think it was.

Okay.

I didn't have to tell you because I didn't come here to visit you.

I came here to do, you know, meet clients, work.

And I just started to span you because I think you living with these two guys here is really weird.

I think you're having an affair?

I can't believe that you flew out here just to check up on me.

I flew out here to take some depositions.

Coming over tonight was purely unpremeditated.

Well, that's no excuse for spying on me.

You're right.

It's not.

But I felt I didn't have a choice.

I had to know for sure if there's another man in your life, and I'm still not convinced there isn't.

You can't be serious.

Ryan.

He's my cousin.

Only by marriage.

I had him checked out.

Besides, stranger things have been known to happen.

Nothing could be stranger than being involved with Ryan.

And she's like, nothing would be weirder than me dating Ryan.

And he's like, I looked it up.

He's only your cousin by marriage.

And Ryan's like, I'm standing right here.

Literally just saved your life from an.

Intruder, and you're talking me already.

Thanks, Nikki.

Yeah.

Okay, so anyway, they have this thing.

So Lloyd's back in town.

Now we skip forward back to that scene I was talking about.

They come in babbling about the curse and, you know, evil and the devil and Uncle Lewis and shit.

And it turns out Lloyd heard the whole thing.

We checked in his house, throughout the gardens, wherever we could think of, but there was no sign of it.

Before you say anymore, I think he fooled us with that nice guy act and took off with it.

Bet you anything he knows the mulcher's cursed and he's been making coleslaw.

Something wrong?

Lloyd came by to see.

Oh, so now Mickey has to explain what goes on at Curious Goods to Lloyd.

So what did she do?

What did she do?

Explain things.

We go to the vault.

She's like, look at all these cursed items.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I can't do the ruby accent, so I'm just making it up as I go.

Oh, no, it's good.

It's good.

You know what?

Every.

Every.

Every attempt.

Every attempt is a thing of booty.

Every one of these is cursed by the devil and Uncle Lewis.

I know that's difficult for you to believe, Lloyd, but you just have to trust me.

You're telling me the three of you believe there's a supernatural power working here?

It's not a delusion.

You're acting like this is some kind of a fantasy.

But she's like, look, these are all the cursed items.

They're here in the vault.

And Lloyd's like, oh, yeah?

Is this curse he picks up?

Vita.

Vita.

This caused people to go blind,.

And.

This is responsible there's several homes burning down.

I suppose this little doll tears people's throats out.

Put that down.

I can't believe this.

You have to get out of here.

Yes, I believe I do.

Yeah.

Well, he's like, what does this little doll do?

Rip people's throats out.

Roby's like, actually,.

He puts Vita back on the shelf.

And then, like, Vita sits up and looks at him.

She hisses at him.

No, she doesn't.

Okay.

She doesn't hit.

I would have to paramore.

I just remembered it.

There would have been an auditory cue, and he would have been able to go.

And then he'd believe her.

And we just can't believe women.

It's not what we do.

As soon as the doll sits up.

Yeah.

As soon as the doll sits up.

Mickey's like, you have to get away from there right now.

And we have to get out.

And instead of turning around going, look.

Turn around and look at the fucking doll, you idiot.

You just.

This doll's proving my fucking point that these things are fucking evil.

But she doesn'.

Oh, by the way, we forgot we got to mention that at the asylum, it was the turn of Jack's bucket hat.

I do have in my notes the return of the cursed bucket hat.

And I told Maya last time, that's a permanent item.

I watched something from season three, and he's still wearing that hat.

I am so disappointed.

I am disappointed in the hat growing on me.

How can a series that gave us the fez give us this recurring bucket hat?

I have a theory on the fez that we'll get to later.

It's not making sense that we're seeing things in chronological order.

Jack and Ryan go to do their undercover work at the park.

She stays home to mope.

So we're gonna leave her alone for a while.

No.

Everything, everything, everything that happens with this.

With this.

With her moping and a few scenes go back and forth so much that I think it'd just be easier.

We're gonna go to talk about what's happening.

Evil stuff at the park.

Yeah.

And then come back to talk about Roby.

You got it?

One big chunk or two.

So they're undercover at the park, and we.

They get.

They're good.

Wearing some sexy overalls.

Yeah.

They do not fit Jack.

They don't fit either one of them.

And just want to yank him out of his butt.

That was the thing that was amazing about.

It was on.

It was on everybody.

It was Looked like this on Smitty.

It looked like this on Adrian, it looked like this on Jack and it looked like on Ryan.

They're completely shapeless and non forming anywhere except the crack of their ass.

It's.

All of a sudden, it's like ass crack all the way up to the middle of their back.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

In garments, that measurement around your torso vertically is called girth.

It sounds dirty, but it's not.

Except you guys got some long bones or something.

I don't know what's happen.

Long, long Canadian bugs.

Oh, yeah, the moose buns.

Sure, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

For that physical activity you get upstate,.

Though, you gotta get it from the curling.

Curling and hockey.

From the curtain.

From the curling.

I'm sorry.

Canada.

I'm sorry.

I love you, but there's a lot of running around because they're still looking for Smitty.

We.

They don't know Smitty's dead.

There's a lot of running around.

Where Smitty?

Who's Smitty?

Has anybody seen Smitty?

Trying to find the mulcher.

So there's a lot of going on there that's not very interesting.

And we're getting closer to the unveiling of the.

The park as a public place.

So no one wants to talk to anyone about that.

Yeah.

And of course, now that Adrian has got a little taste of cha ching cha ching and is figuring how all this works, he's setting his sights on bigger targets.

So he sets his sight on Mrs. Harrington's assistance.

The one who's like, well, Adrian, I think the tiger lilies in the east field are looking exceptionally delightful.

I'm like, oh, off.

The man wears a silk scarf.

Him, the same sick guy who said lunch.

And I'm like, this guy, put him in the mulcher.

Just get him in the mulcher.

I can't stand this guy.

Just mulch him.

Get him of here.

And we'll have tiger lilies surrounding the memorial stone.

Yes, sir.

By the way, have you seen Smitty anywhere?

He went off early yesterday and hasn't shown up at all today.

Just not like him.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have.

I just left him.

He's over by the shed.

Oh, fine.

I can take you over there.

I can find my way.

Thank you.

But yeah, so, yeah, so we get another nasty, nasty mulcher murder.

He sneaks up.

He lures him to the.

To the utility shed.

Well, this is the one we throw in live right in the chest.

And then it's throwing in the mulcher.

And it turns out he ain't Dead yet.

So we get to watch, watch, watch this poor guy's faces.

Goes into the mulch.

Really.

He goes in feet first.

And you get to see him realize he's being shredded to death.

It's gnarly.

That's.

That's gross.

Kudos to the production that you don't see anything.

And you don't even see any blood.

And still grizzly as hell.

You're like, that is nasty.

It's very upsetting.

I was quite pleased.

That guy was so upset that he threw his glasses like, where I just like, threw him a glass.

These have to be found later.

But no, it's very upsetting.

But now, now, now he's rolling in cash.

There's one real big target here.

And I could stop Mrs. Harrington.

Yeah, okay.

That's a good place to stop, right?

Because now we cut back to the shop.

Mickey's moping in bed in a headband.

Oh, yeah.

Can we talk this head?

Well, actually, it was.

Actually, I think it was symbolic because it let us all know that she was about to get physical.

Physical.

Make it gonna get physical.

She gets into physical.

And.

And Lloyd is in the bedroom with It's.

Oh, God.

And he is schmoozing the shit out of her.

And it's creepy.

As I believe you believe in this curse business.

One Christmas when I was a kid, my older sister pointed up to the sky and said, do you see it?

There's the sled and the reindeer.

There's Santa.

I looked up and I did see it because I believed in her.

I believed that it was there.

See, the imagination is a very powerful thing.

And here is hair crime.

Hair crime number four.

And it's Lloyd's.

Sure is sure.

Because Lloyd, for this whole show has had his hair slick.

Slick back.

Don Jr.

Style.

In the long shots in the scene, it's natural, like kind of curly, wavy.

But then in close up, it goes back to slick.

So his hair keeps changing from shot to shot.

There must have been a weird re shoot or something, but.

And oh, oh, we don't have any dippity do.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

We ran out of that Canadian hair, Joe.

Though it was sure to look fine in the way.

And he's giving her that whole.

This whole line that makes.

It's really gross.

Maya, help me out here.

I'm sure you got this one.

Oh, God.

If you really love me, you'll come back.

They don't need you here.

What you're doing isn't real.

Oh, God.

And then he does the.

My, my.

Sister.

My sister used to see and hear things, and I believed that.

Yeah.

Oh, she thinks she saw them, and I believe she thought.

And I was a kid, and I said I thought I could see Santa Claus, too.

So I believe that.

You believe.

But we.

Yeah, you and he's.

Mickey's given no consistency as a character at all.

Like, she just was.

Like, she's been there for how many episodes?

And she's just like.

But Lloyd.

No, no, no.

The.

The.

My head cannon here is entirely about being swayed by dick.

Exactly.

Yeah.

That's what it is.

Nikki has not been getting any dick.

And because she's engaged stupidly, this is her only source of dick.

Yeah.

But any strength or character ever has just wilts away because she's so whiny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I could see longing for your old life, but this old life has given no temptation for us as an audience.

Like, we don't want her to go.

No, no.

Because this guy's a pig.

Well, especially not with Lloyd.

Lloyd's awful.

There's nothing good about Lloyd.

Well, there's nothing to convince her to stay.

And with a scene, what gave me the real oogies is that she's so incredibly passive during it.

She doesn't say a word.

She's lying on the bed, lying there, passive, just listening to every word that she says, making a little happy.

Happy Mickey faces.

And he just keeps pouring her champagne and plying her with booze and playing with.

Like, this is gross.

I want you to come home with me tomorrow.

I want things back the way they were.

And I think you do, too.

If you stay here, I can only assume you want to call off the wedding.

This is gross.

And if he's just going on and on, she's like, you gotta come home with me because I support you, because I love you, understand you.

I'm one of you.

It was really weird.

They started singing Evita.

No, I. I would see a good reason to go with Peron.

I do not see a reason to go with Lloyd.

No, no, no, no.

Honey, honey, start singing.

Another suitcase in another hall.

That's a better song to be singing right now.

Get the out of there.

Get the out of there.

Get the out.

At the end of it, she.

She.

She paraphrases Franken Footer and says, I'm coming home.

And they.

Yes, they do.

And they.

And now Ryan comes home tired, miserable, frustrated.

He's been out there working in the field all day, hunting down murderers, putting his life in jeopardy, and walks in on Mickey.

Like, was Stumbling out of her bedroom.

Like, glowing,.

And she doesn't want to.

Diaphragm.

Diaphanous nightgown and everything that she was not wearing before.

No, she's wearing it to bat mask in the afternoon.

What is my.

What is my rule for this show?

When people start wearing diaphanous is about to get real.

And gets real right about now because Ryan is having none of this.

We're playing the sound clip.

Ryan.

I. I don't know what to say.

You going back with him?

I've been pulling weeds all day trying to find a murderer.

You've been.

I don't believe this.

What about the pact we all made?

Hey, I never made a pact with you.

Yeah, well, what about all those people out there who still have cursed antiques, some of which you and I sold them?

Hm?

What about that?

You can't blame that on me.

We had no idea about it.

So what?

We still have a responsibility.

Cut the crap, Ryan.

The only reason you're living here is because you like it.

Well, and she does not care that Ryan knows that she just got dicked down.

She.

I mean, she's basically shouting it from the rooftop.

Yeah, and she's also just reneging everything that we've done on the whole.

She's like, I never made a pack.

Yes, you did.

Actually.

It was your idea.

Yes, you did.

You were there.

Your idea.

Mickey, I went back and checked.

Season one, episode one.

It was her idea.

Like, we can't leave this place until we get all that stuff back.

It was her idea.

It's her fucking pack.

So now I'm feeling no sympathy for you either, Mickey.

Get a little bit of d. She's dickmatizing.

I wonder if his pubes are like.

Like curly greased.

Curly.

Put that back in your pocket.

I don't want to think about that.

No, you know, he's the guy who just shaves it.

I also, I thought it was cute that since we're on a charming Canadian TV show that we.

That we can watch people get put feet first into a vulture, but we can't say that Mickey had sex.

Yeah, it's like we've been around here all day.

American television is bad about that.

Also doing whatever.

Yeah, but she.

She.

She.

She winds up slapping him in the face.

There are many problems in this world that I am never going to be able to solve.

That's simple truth.

Where is it written, then?

I have to sacrifice my life and happiness for this place?

Huh?

Sacrifice?

What do you.

What do you have to sacrifice?

Except for maybe Mr. Snot knows I really.

Ryan gets slapped in the face.

Kind of nice.

It was kind of validating, though.

It wasn't, but it was even a good slap line.

He like, I could see if it was after that he'd been around here doing whatever.

Slap in the face.

But it was.

I'm playing the sound clip.

Whatever it was when she hits him is really nothing to hit him over.

No.

But she's got some pent up stuff.

But anyway, so Mickey's leaving.

Yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

He's going home.

Bye.

Bye, Mickey.

It's okay.

So now it's the next day.

Jack and Ryan are back at the park.

Yeah.

They've gone their separate ways.

Jack runs at one point, runs down a hill at one point.

And I was like.

Runs like Jake.

Yeah, it's.

But yeah.

So Ryan.

Ryan makes the mistake of asking Adrian if he's seen.

Seen Smitty or seen a mulcher anywhere.

Now after all these episodes, you think Ryan will be able to tell who the villain is?

And he hides the giant red mulcher like under some low hanging branches.

It's like barely in a bush.

It's not.

It's.

It's not obscure.

Pushes it backwards like 20ft into the trees.

Mulcher.

What Mulcher?

Yeah, I mean, they get in a big fight.

There's a.

There's a sickle chase again.

There's some knife playing.

And Ryan gets out and locked in the.

And gets locked in the tool shed.

Tool shed.

Until he.

This guy can go take care of Mrs. Harrington.

He wants to take care of her first.

Well, she's worth way more money.

Ryan obviously doesn't have any money.

He volunteers.

I got bubble gum.

Bubble gum.

It's the mulcher.

Gets all chewed up.

Blown bubbles.

Anyway,.

Yeah, Jack's all alone.

He's like.

And then.

And then can't find Ryan.

He's panicking.

We see that Adrian is confronting the old woman in the office.

Oh, hello, young man.

Adrian, is it?

What can I do for you?

You have no idea what you can do.

Can set me up for life.

Scene.

I love this woman.

Screamed like a foghorn, But she's great.

There's all.

Again.

Again, this isn't the best role for an older woman, but this woman is great.

Like, she conveys this whole character really easily.

Even though she doesn't have a lot of scenes or dialogue, you get a real sense of who this woman is.

Yeah, she's very concise.

And I just kept thinking I've seen her somewhere before.

She's got that face I looked at their credits.

I didn't recognize anything.

Avonlea.

Apparently everybody in this whole show was on fucking Avonlea.

She reminded me of the grandmother from Happy Gilmore, but that wasn't her.

I see why you say that, but it also the.

Oh, what is the timeline like that?

When is happy Gilmore92.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't.

I'm not up on my.

But she looked like her.

I guess she just looked enough like her.

No, Adam Sandler has like, two good movies and Happy Gilmore is one of them.

Billy Madison's the other.

And Billy Madison is clinging on by the skin of its teeth.

Yeah.

Is this the Billy Madison cast?

No, it's not.

All right.

Yeah.

So there's a big confrontation there.

But meanwhile, Mickey shows up.

She.

Okay.

She fought Lloyd on having to leave.

Lloyd's like, you gotta get in the car.

We're gonna miss her flight.

And she's like, no, they would be here.

They said they would be here.

And that means something is wrong.

So she is a crisis of conscious and she goes where she's needed.

Loyalty.

Saying, it's a setup.

It's a setup.

He's just playing.

She's like, it's not a setup.

They didn't know I was coming.

They didn't know I was coming.

Don't you see?

He's obviously doing this just to keep you from leaving.

He didn't even know we were coming.

Lloyd, he's in trouble.

This is just a delay to delay things to make us miss our flight.

The other thing I thought was fascinating just as a modest perspective.

Perspective that Lloyd goes, okay, Mickey, our flight is at 2pm tomorrow.

So I gotta pick you up at.

Noon maybe in Canada.

The airport security is really fast.

Well, this was before 9 11.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, you got to be there like nine hours early these days.

But this was before all 9 11.

Really weird to hear.

Yeah.

But when Mickey shows up, I made the Evita joke before she got God gets out of this limousine or where the it was.

And she's Republican.

Evita, Mickey.

Yes.

And her hair is contained.

That's how you know it's not really.

No.

And you know if she gets back in that limousine, that hair is never going to be on free again, ever.

No more back combing.

No.

No more backcoming.

She looks absolutely terrified.

She looks like Nancy Reagan.

She's wearing green.

It's like a green version of Nancy Reagan.

Yeah.

Just say no.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

This is really bad.

There's a Whole bunch of running around.

And eventually, final showdown at the.

At the mulcher.

Ryan has got.

Jack has gotten Ryan out.

And everybody's fighting.

Is, is the old woman going to go in the mulcher?

Is Ryan going to get thrown in the mulcher?

No, because somebody gets the bright idea to throw Adrian's big bag of money and instead.

Hey, Adrian, catch.

Hey.

Want this?

We know all about the mulcher.

Let it go.

It's over.

Is it?

So what I rich man?

Not anymore.

And Adrian being a fool for the dome goes right for that money.

And this being Friday the 13th, the series, the mulcher claims its prize.

Yep.

Yeah, you don't get nothing for free on this show.

So Adrian gets mulched, and turns out you don't even get cash for him.

Nothing but blood because he wasn't even worth a dollar.

Not worth a dollar, I believe is what Jack says.

And the bag where money came out is just full of blood now.

Not worth a dueler, as it said.

I mean, obviously 80 yard line that was added afterwards, but yeah, so it's over.

This horrible thing happened.

And I mean, everybody's very chill about seeing somebody just get mulched.

Well, you know, for them it's another day.

Immediately has to make a joke.

She's like, are you okay?

She's like, it's all right.

I just hurt my head.

She's like, oh, then you should be fine.

Ah, dead person right there.

You all right?

Just my head.

No serious damage then.

Hardly.

Mutin.

Yeah, they're always really weird with that, like, banter.

We're gonna do a joke right now.

No one has any time to recover from the grizzly murder they just.

Just were a part of.

But no.

Is the Mickey moping over?

No, she's not going back with Lloyd.

But she's pissed of being back.

And she's railing.

She's railing at, at, at, at Ryan about everything.

She's like, we never get anything done.

It's that same rant that we're hearing a lot.

It's all pointless.

And why do I have to do this?

And she storms off once again into her bedroom.

Slams the door.

Dum, dum, dum, slam.

But when she comes out to apologize, she sees that Ryan has hung a sign that says welcome back, Mickey that he printed out on like a 1982 do matrix printer that probably took seven hours to print.

And that's enough.

She's back.

Mickey's back.

Yep.

Yay.

And that's the show.

Well, we've tied up the Long ass plot thread of Mickey's.

Even her fiance.

Yep.

Dragged on for episode after episode since.

We watched an episode out of order and I've watched a few in between now, like, it's right about here that Mickey's wardrobe starts to go bananas.

Yeah.

Yay.

I think it's because she doesn't have Lloyd.

Oh, she's acting out.

Oh, yeah.

She's acting out and she's trying to reclaim herself.

Yeah.

That's why she's wearing these ridiculous episodes.

That's where she got the fest.

Everyone's like, don't say anything.

Don't say anything about the Pheasant Deloitte thing.

Just let her have it.

Let her have the first.

Don't mention, you know, how she's been.

Just don't mention it.

Because then it's going to lead to a breakdown.

Slamming of doors.

There'll be no.

She was saying to the cocoa.

There'll be knife nostrils.

It'll be bad.

No, just let her have a bad fez.

Don't even think about it.

The fez is better than the.

Than the Mickey moking.

So just.

Yeah, okay.

I love the fez.

This was a weird episode in that you had a really cool villain and a really cool cursed object that never really got the spotlight it deserved.

No.

Which was unfortunate because we spent too.

Much time with Lloyd.

Let's blame Lloyd for all of that.

Yeah.

It's all Lloyd's fault.

Well, the weird thing about this is the mulcher seems like something you throw out in the third season when you're running out of objects.

Because this is not an antique week.

Right.

Like in the writer's room, you're like, all right, what else could be cursed?

All right, we've done a scalpel.

We've done a shoehorn.

We did it.

What?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, so.

Oh, shoehorn was, you know, a pencil sharpener.

That's a third.

That's the third season.

What about like a cursed vegetable peeler?

There's some serious stuff with that.

The other thing I noticed now is that one of the things that was being dropped top are backstories for the cursed items.

And I kind of like it.

Yes.

Like the early ones, it was always like.

And then belonged to some king who decided that everybody was really ugly.

So he made this statue that was real of Cupid that was really ugly that would seduce everybody.

I'm like, yeah, I can.

No, the.

The morality tale stuff wasn't working for the show.

It wasn't serving it.

It's.

Here's an Item.

It's cursed.

Yes.

Now, what I'm picturing is that somebody coming into Curious Goods and Uncle Lewis being like, this is what you want.

This is what you want.

Hold on a minute.

Mumbo jumbo.

Mumbo jumbo.

Cursed.

There you go.

It's all for you.

Like, what's bespoke cursing?

Bespoke cursing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Individualized curves cursing.

And I think that works a lot better.

It's a lot cleaner.

Yeah, but where?

The antique store.

Did he fit the mulcher?

It might not have been in the store.

It might not have been in the store.

Who knows?

I mean, it's just.

It's just a mulcher from 1937.

There's no backstory to it.

That's such a random idea.

It's funny.

I do.

I do, too, because it's just so random.

It's grizzly, though.

It's a nice grizzly.

Visceral.

Oh, it is visceral curse.

It's very upsetting.

The other ones later on get really obtuse.

The pool cue.

I wonder what it does.

Does it make you win ball games and you have to stab people with it?

Yeah.

Huh.

It sounds a lot like some boxing gloves we hung out with earlier.

Let's at least get.

You get a shadow that does the killing force.

No, that was.

That was cool.

That was clever.

Yeah.

Okay, so my celebrity casting, which I did not do last time.

I'm sorry I'm spreading this on.

You guys haven't thought about it.

My celebrity casting is really obvious.

I want Robert Smith to play Robert Smith.

I'm gonna take my bath.

Adrian, what a great idea.

And you know what?

Why can't I be you?

Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick with the mulcher that make turns it into cash.

The one that makes me scream.

She said, I can't think of an alternative curse for this.

This thing.

The curse is perfect.

Wait, in.

It is just like Scrape off the cat.

Look at what you.

Yeah, that's Root of All Evil.

I, for one, am disappointed that we did not mulch any roots.

If you're going to name it Root of All Evil, I want there to be a root.

Oh, somebody got rooted, though.

Oh, yeah, Someone got the root.

So what is the root of all Evil?

Yeah, fine.

Fine.

I said, fine.

You can have it.

But this is a transitional episode because from here on out, like, the next few ones are really good.

Like, we've got.

They're fun.

The next one coming up is Scarecrow.

No.

Tales of the Undead.

Which is a cursed comic book with Ray.

Ray.

No, Mr. Hand.

From Ray Walston.

Ray Walston.

Yeah.

From Best Time with Ridge Mahal.

My favorite.

Marshall.

Yeah.

Cool guy.

Just cool.

Old character, acting director, budget.

Burgess Meredith.

He's in that one.

And then you got Scarecrow coming up, which is one.

Which is a really scary one.

And then we get the one that David Cronenberg directed.

So this big heavy hitter is coming up.

And the powerhouses.

So this is Croninberg.

But we needed to get rid of Lloyd, so this was necessary.

Yeah, I am happy to get rid of Lloyd.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I was sad he didn't get killed,.

But we should have put Lloyd in the military.

I know.

He's a lawyer.

He would have been so much.

So much better if we throw Lord into the him.

Hey, Adrian, catch.

He's like, why?

What?

Oh, no.

Mickey's fiance fell on the mulcher.

Oh, no.

What are we going to do?

So sad for everyone.

They're all very disappointed.

Hey.

Hey, Ryan, did you get that reservation at Central Pez?

But no one tells Mickey about it, so she's constantly thinking about Lloyd and Rick and Ryan and.

And Jack is spinning.

I don't know what happened to him.

I don't know what happened.

I don't know what happened.

As they're picking their teeth with their life with G. All right, so, yeah, so that's it.

That's next time.

Thank you, everybody, for joining us for another episode of Damn you, Uncle Lewis.

It was a good time hanging out with you, and sorry this episode was late, but things have been crazy here.

Sorry.

But we're going to get back on track, and everything is going to be groovy and cool.

Maya, you got anything cool going on?

No, I'm sorry.

I mean, Trey, anything.

Make them up if you need to.

Everyone should look up the podcast company Vivid Whisper.

I just wrapped my first narrative podcast with them.

Obviously, we're in post production now, but I will announce it when I it's available.

Congrats.

Sounds good.

All right, good.

Anything for you, Trey.

No.

All right, so until next time, my beautiful, beautiful Patreon subscribers, thank you for continuing to support the show.

You guys are awesome.

Stay safe, stay healthy, wear a mask, wash your hands, all that good stuff.

And we got one thing to say before we go, right, kids?

Sam,.